I haven't blogged since December. Life and werk has been crazy and pretty great. My meds are stable. I'm really fat and happy. People don't recognize me because of my weight gain, but hell. I have to accept the fact that my crazy meds making me happy is better than me being insane and weighing a little less.
Am I always going to struggle with this? I don't know, but I suspect I will. The other option is to quit my crazy meds and succumb to being bipolar and having a major episode of depression. So I won't go there because those memories are far behind me but familiar enough to make me cry if I think about it too much.
Something is on my mind. I have to be a bit evasive about a person who has caused me pain in the past is now doing a very eye-roll worthy something. That's all I can really say without revealing who and what. But I'm documenting here and now that I'm watching the person with different eyes now. I just want to know why people are assholes? Are they aware AT ALL that they are assholes? Do they ever think back to things they've done in the past and thought to themselves that they acted like an asshole? I'm asking you, if you are an asshole and you are reading this... do you know it? It's just a question I have.
I am going to try to get my mind geared towards this again. I can't link this to Facebook or anything and I doubt anyone reads anymore. But here is what is going on with me: I get up in the morning, I go to werk, I werk really hard, I come home, and the girls are great. Don't know what I did right to deserve them, but they are awesome. They make us so happy.
I also am listening to lots of Lil Wayne, Drake, Rick Ross, and most of all Kanye West. I paint my nails every other day, it is an obsession. I watch Intervention and Rehab with Dr. Drew. I read books about addiction and I'm thankful it's not me.
So that's the first blog in a long time.