This little blog is going to take a turn for me right now. I don't want to cause stress or an anxiety or depressive episode for any of my friends. If I do post about those two things, I promise to caution you in the title so that you know there will be content you don't need to be exposed to.
This blog, for now, is going to chronicle my major depressive episode and what I'm doing about it.
First- nothing has caused it. No one. Nothing. Life is good. Relationship with husband is strong. Work is slow, but that is not a factor. The cause is: my Anti Anxiety Medication has stopped working.
This is just like after the birth of the Little Little Momma in July 06. I knew I would slip into it. I came home from the hospital with medication. I had 8 weeks off of work. Within 8 hard weeks, the Lexapro started working and I felt great.
Sometime in there it stopped working and we switched to Effexor. Effexor triggers my anxiety, so we went back to Lexapro.
Lexapro is not working. Plain as that. Medications stop working in 40% of patients. It's time to get back on the med go round and try again. At my last appointment with the psychiatrist, I described my feelings, how hard it was to go to work, my lack of functionality, deep depression, etc. I'm calling tomorrow. We need to get on this road quickly.
I'm making an effort. Some strategy for every day. Today was cookies, toe painting, and Elf with the girls. That felt good.
Tomorrow- tanning on my lunch break.
Two days at a time. I even have to split those in half and make a goal for each. Being crazy is HARD.
This does not begin to skim the surface of feelings. I can't go there. This is the most for now. Maybe I'll have new words in a few days.
Monday, November 30, 2009
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16 comments:
I love you, Holly, and wish you the best on this journey. Like I said in my email to you, if you need to talk, let me know. I have been there and know what a struggle it is.
If you want to chat, let me know... Im not really yacking all over my blog about this.. I was diagnosed with ADD caused by anxiety..im taking Adderall. So much better than any of the anxiety stuff for me, at least..
Holly, I cannot imagine! I'm sorry it's so hard to find the solution to this. I hope you can one day. It's just not fair...
I hope you are able to find something that works for you! I have no idea what you are going through but am sending positive thoughts your way!
I'm sorry you're having to go thru this. You are taking the right steps and you WILL pull out of this. I've been down this road a time or two myself...including Lexapro not working for me. There's a relatively new med out called abilify that can help meds going thru the 'poop out phase'...not sure if Lexapro is one that would benefit from a boost of abilify, but it might be worth mentioning to your dr.
Good Luck! You WILL get thru this...one day, one hour, one minute at a time...
Hugs Holly! You will get through this.
Oh Holly, I know right where you're at and I'm so sorry you're there again!! Cookies, toe painting and elf all in the same day is a huge accomplishment, good for you for setting those goals and getting them done, baby steps!!
*Hugs and Positive thoughts*
I dont think I have ever commented on your blog but I have been following you for some time. I appreciate your words, happy or sad, I think many of us can relate to your experiences. Your NOT alone in this, and by blogging about how you feel you just might help someone else identify what they are feeling also. best of luck to you, hang in there it will get better. It might take time but it will :)
Did you check the link I sent you? I saw on their site that they are now doing phone consults for non-locals. They are also doing a free seminar one eve in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, HUGS! Hang in there!
Did you check the link I sent you? I saw on their site that they are now doing phone consults for non-locals. They are also doing a free seminar one evening in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, BIG HUGS and hang in there momma!
Holly you are a strong women. I am amazed how you continue to be a good mother and an encouragement to others even while you say your are at your worst. I hope you find a medication that works for you and don't run into anymore scary men at the drs.
Lexapro quit working for me too! I am fighting the blahs and just using klonopin every now and then. It is hard!
First of all.... you're not crazy. You're a very normal human being. Actually that's wrong... because I think you're a bit of a hero... You have a lot of people who read your blog every day and you may never know how many people you may have just helped.
Sending hugs your way....
Thank you for sharing with such honesty, Holly. I'm sending lots of positive, healing, healthful thoughts your way. *hugs*
BIG HUGS to you!!!
Hugs to you, sweetie. You are so incredibly strong to come out and document this. I wish you well. If you are in Norman and need a break I'll meet up with ya--Panera Bread again.;)
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