Please excuse my lack of words.
To be honest, I'm fighting a serious battle of depression. I'm at a loss for words. I'm just sort of here in my life right now. Fighting to manage to take care of kids, house, and work. The will to write has left.
I don't do anything I like to do anymore. Clean house- no. Clean sheets- no. Putting on my work clothes, slapping on make up and a happy face is more than too much for me.
Do not worry. Send positive thoughts or prayers my way. I'm in therapy, seeing my psychiatrist, and my doctor. They are trying to get me back to my functioning self.
I'm not going to lie. Things have been the worst they've ever been since I had PPD when LLM was born. It's a wonder I still have a job and it's a wonder that DDL is up to taking care of my unreasonable crying spells, lazy laying in bed, and just being a walking-dead-person.
Monday was rough. So bad that I went to the urgent care clinic at the urging of my therapist. I sat there in the waiting room, sobbing. Got to see the doctor and he wanted to draw my blood. UH?? WTF? When did a major episode of depression become detectable in the blood? I declined and he said I could talk to him if it would make me feel better. Yeah, Jack Ass. I just wasted 2 hours of my life and took up time that actual physically ILL people could have been in there. So I left.
Thursday I got an emergency appointment with my Psychiatrist. I was harassed in the waiting room by a crazy man. It was so bad that the doctor called me back in to see him and instructed me to walk straight outside. So that's what I did, bawling the whole time.
I have been given some new medication and I expect that it is going to take 3-4 (maybe more) weeks to kick in.
So pardon me for the lack of words and the inability to read or comment on anything.
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21 comments:
Take it easy, girl. Hang in there. I miss you on the old board.
I'm sorry things are so bad for you. Thinking about you!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine how difficult it is. I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope things start looking up for you soon. (HUGS)
It must be something in the air. I think A LOT of us are feeling like this right now.
I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this. I hope things get better for you soon!
Big Hugs!
Honey, I'll email you...ok. Love to you and your family. I know it's hard on everyone. katy
making me cry. I love you girl! Wish I was closer so I could help... please please let me know if there is anything I can do!
Sending hugs and prayers to you!
HUGS! I've SO been there...actually a few months ago. I feel your pain and could have written your post back then. Take care of yourself:)
Hold tight, Haulee. Hugs to you, and keep your head up! Can't wait for you to start posting again :)
Oh, Holly.... :o( So sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Sending prayers your way.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I have been in your shoes, more than once. This is a very difficult time for so many of us and I pray God will give you strength and comfort you through this.
Hang in there Mama...I feel that way lately too..I'll be praying for us both...
I totally understand PPD, I had it as well. Please take care of yourself, and come back when you can.
Maybe the blood work was a good idea.... When was the last time you went to the gyno? Blood work could check out your hormone levels...
Awww, soo sorry you are feeling down. I am proud of you for realizing it and being brave enough to do something about it... So glad you updated us so we can keep you in our thoughts and prayers. Wish there was more I could do...
I am a regular reader (stalker, LOL) but don't think I have commented before. I love your honesty and truly hope that things are getting better for you...
Praying for you! :)
Oh Mamalish...I am so very sorry. I too have been down the dark road of depression before. It does suck. It really sucks when it comes back. Tight hugs to you and many, many thanks for the update. I know it took a lot of courage and a tremendous amount of energy to post. We will be here when you get back.
Hey girl! I'm so sorry! This sucks!
I was diagnosed with PMDD a little over a year ago. Started meds and they have recently stopped working. Started "cycle diet" and it's a life saver. Go to cyclediet.com and check it out. I tried it a year ago and it worked but htought meds would be easier. Not the case. The diet is the only thing that truly works for me. Meds are only temporary. It's amazing how food affects our behaviour/moods. Let me know if you have any questions.
PS Just try it for one month and see if you feel different.
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