Death and Dying

Remember when I had Strip Throat in December and I almost died? Well, I think it's back to finish me off for sure this time. My throat feels like it was "raped by a rake" (not a description that I made up, I read it somewhere else and it totally describes the way my throat feels.)

My ears hurt, my eyes are itchy and glassy, my head hurts and I am dying. My closets are cluttered and my house isn't clean, so I can't really die because that would be embarrassing.

However, I have made my final plans. Actually, I've known about my final plans for a long time. I want to make sure they are documented so that everyone will know my wishes. This blog is legally binding, right?

I do not wish to be embalmed and buried. I don't want people looking at me when I'm dead. I equate this with someone looking at me while I sleep, and I think it's creepy. Please cremate me.

Put my ashes in a mason jar or something else. I have plans for those- hang in there and read with me.

If my passing occurs during the winter months, you're to wait until July to have my services. The service won't be so much a service as it will be a big BBQ. Someone will smoke an assload of ribs, brisket, cowboy beans, brats, and all of the fixin's (satanic eggs, corn on the cob, etc.)

There is to be beer, beer, and more beer. You will be drinking beer and listening to rap music at the lake house. You could go down to the dock with your drinking. Perhaps get a big group of people to go out on the boat and go to circle beach (AKA Johnson Creek Beach). Play in the sun, drink beer, laugh and remember that you are in my favorite place and that is my heaven.

Take my ashes back to the dock and sink them down into the water below the boat. I will chill there forever. Pour out some beer for your homie and do not shed a tear. Enjoy a party in my honor.

We may have to make a few trial runs at this during the summer time. I want to make sure that everyone knows how to do it. NO COUNTRY MUSIC or I will haunt you forever!!!!

Hopefully, I'll wake up tomorrow and I won't be dead or dying of strep throat. I really honestly have too much to do at work to take any time off or to die.

So, here is me- at my favorite place in the whole wide world. It is my Daddy's place, and I'm pretty sure his final plans will be quite similar to mine. So when we are there, our family will know how happy we are resting in the murky waters of beautiful Lake Texoma!