Pettiskirt Paradise

Thanksgiving was great. Everyone ate well and enjoyed some family time.

Our Pettiskirts are here. I'm happy to say that I *think* the Momma's love them as much as I do. We had a practice photog session- this is what the girls will be wearing in their Christmas pictures.

Those are not the only photos. There are more- I will post more later.

Cynthia is still kickin' it right on my face. I think I need to cut my head off. Good Old Fashioned Home Remedy!

Turkey Day Day Eve

It is the day of the eve of the Turkey Day.

I wanted to report for any of those people who are wondering about Cynthia. She feels as though she is nearing the end of her time that she has spent perched upon my face.

I'm almost late for work now. Damn you, Cynthia.

Ramble On

So, update on Penelope. The bitch has changed her name.

Her name is Cynthia the Cyst. It's not a mere pimple. It is a cyst under my skin and let's not talk about it any more. I tanned again. I'm going to go cleanse my face (should I remind you that I wash with Coast and a very thin wash cloth??). I might take an exacto knife to Cynthia and cut her right out of my life. I am thankful that I wear glasses so that she is not to be seen.

I've decided that she came about due to some werk stresses. If I am not careful with my fragile mental state, Cynthia will morph into Helen. Trust me, we do not need another Helen in my life.

The Lil's are with Grammy and Grandpa bossing them up one side and down the other. My ma'in and I had a date and we are now sitting in the same living space- he: watching basket ball me: doing this. It's quite nice and I don't mind it at all.

Enjoy the new blogdo (or is it a blog don't?).

Please be looking forward to a blog about Koozies along with a neat give-away feature. I know you are excited to drink your holiday beverlies out of a koozie from the Licious house. No- it isn't new, it's used but that's the beaut of it. Just imagine yourself drinking your beverly out of a koozie that has been all over Lake Texoma and the Caribbean!

Short Term Disability

I think I need the help of a Human Resources Professional.

Penelope (the pimple) has grown in size overnight. I can see her out of my left eye. I swear I didn't touch her or mess with her. I know better. I have left her alone, yet it looks as though there is a bruise to the left of her. Maybe it's her shadow?

I'm too ugly to be around others in an office setting. No one should have to go be in public with such a thing on their person. It is embarrassing for everyone. People who look at me are going to ask me about the growth on my face. I'm mentally fragile as it is. I need at least 14 days off of work (paid leave, no less) for her to go away and not traumatize me.

I wish I could photoshop this thing out of my life.

PS- I'm working on the Holiday header. Daddylicious pointed out that my Multi Slacking description was not there. I believe he was trying to give me a hint that it needs to be incorporated into the message.

BGB Night #2

Little Lil was not interested in going to bed in the BGB tonight. We hyped it up. We talked about it all day. We read books. When it was time to get in bed, the protest began. It wasn't pretty.

I got in her bed, but she wasn't ready to be still. I got out of her bed and she threw a fit. Sissy got in her bed and she wasn't having that. Sissy got out of her bed and that pissed her off.

Finally, I just left. I did my thing (shower and whatnot) and went in and checked in on her. She's snoozing.

Sissy decided to leave and get in her own bed. Sissy has created several occasions to get out of her room to 1) tell Oliver goodnight 2) tell me she was hot. This is the first of two, there may be more reasons to get out of her room. I'll keep you posted on that. I know it is terribly exciting.

Other than this, I have to report on Penelope- my gigantic pimple. She has taken up residence under my glasses so you can't see her. But, folks, she's huge and I can feel that she has a pulse of her own. She is the size of a small state, like New Hampshire or something.

I've taken to tanning (hey, it's a good excuse) to get rid of her. She's the sort that is under the surface of the skin, like a cyst. This is pretty much all you need to know about my dermatological issues.

The Little's will be headed to Grammy and Grandpa's house tomorrow. Big Lil is just a tad bit upset that Little Lil is also going. Big thinks that Grammy is HERS. She does not care to do any of that sharing shit. It is way overrated. She is miffed.

BGB Night #1

The Little Lil Momma spent her first night in the Big Girl Bed!

I gave her crib to my cousin. Little was very upset when she saw it being dismantled and taken away. She cried for her bed.

When it was time to go night night, she wanted Mommy's bed. She settled for me laying down beside her. Thankfully, she was asleep in a matter of moments because that is not a habit I intend to encourage (laying down with her to sleep). I don't have anything against it, but when it is time for bed- that means I'm ready for ME time!!!

The Big Lil Momma, ever the care-taker, slept on Little's crib mattress in the floor of Little's bedroom.

I peeped in a few times last night, and they were both positioned all wonky and I had to straighten them up.

The talk I had with Little about staying little isn't working. She keeps getting more bigger and more grow'd up. Other than that, Night Number One in the BGB was great!

Boomer Sooner!

Licious, party of 2. Your beer and your game awaits.... we're enjoying it so far, but we never underestimate a good opponent. We are enjoying some beverlies and a good game!

Elmo's Girl

La la la la, la la la la, Elmo's Girl!

The little woke up with her eye matted together and swollen shut. We all know what this means- a day home with the Pink Eye!

We have already been to the doctor. We use our health clinic (Native American), and today was the first time I have ever met Dr. Katrina (that's not her last name).

She had super fun and cute Big Hair. She had on snazzy glasses and her make up and nails were very fresh. She had a thick accent (I don't know where she was from, but I do know that she's not an Okie). She had on a chocolate brown velour jump suit. She was fabulous.

The little also has a sinus infection AND she got her flu shot. She sort of grumbled when she got the shot, but there were no tears. She was over it in about a second. I suspect that the big one also has a sinus infection. I'll probably take her after school to the clinic to check her out and get us both flu shots.

There will have to be a full on bribe fest in order to gain cooperation for the flu shot. I'll let you know what the price is.

Time on the Road

This leads to silly conversations with myself. I won't detail them out here, but I must say that my mind is an intra-taining place to be. If people could live in my mind and hear my self-talk they would either 1) laugh their ass off because I' so stupid or b) run away and never be my friend or III) totally make fun of me.

The good thing about having to spend time driving places is that I get to listen to music really loud. I'm pretty sure that I'm meant to be in a rap video or a back up dancer or something. I'd really like to be one of the fly chicks in the hot tub waving my drank in the air- wave it like I just don't care. Or maybe one of the fly chicks on a yacht partying it up with Diddy or whoever.

So, perhaps in pursuit of my dreams of being on stage (I don't really care what stage or if the audience is empty- a microphone and and empty arena would entertain me just as much), my personal assistant can hook me up with some people so that I can get in on those rap videos.

I've been enjoying a lot of Kanye on my trips to-and-fro. I need to invest in this Late Registration CD.

So there ya go. There's my boring blog of the day. Native American Lady wants to be a Rap Singer, Chain Blinger.

The Mothership

My angry period found its way to the Mothership today. The LLM benefited the most from the angry shopping, the BLM got 2 things, and I got some more Gilligan & O'Malley pants.

I'd rather take an angry nap, but when an angry nap can't happen- shopping is an acceptable substitute.

Motherlish has been on tour this month and will continue to tour up until the very end of it. I usually don't leave before 8am and I get home by 5pm. I have been enjoying the drive. It isn't hard work, but for some reason driving makes me tired. Not "fall asleep at the wheel" tired, but it makes my body tired.

I'd like to hire a driver and a personal assistant. The personal assistant should be able to wash and style my hair, make wardrobe choices for me and the LM's, drive me to-and-fro, fetch my lunch, fill up my water glass with room temp tap water, answer any voice mails, run errands, and other duties as assigned. It might not be a paid position. It'd probably be more like an internship. But, I wouldn't treat anyone badly (as in The Devil Wears Prada, which, BTW, is a much better book than it is a movie.) We'd laugh our asses off all day long. We'd make up silly words and take funny pictures.

I had to come back and add that this is the kind of "manager" I would be:

In Motherlish dream world- we would take 2 hour lunches and we wouldn't shop at Target. I'd buy my personal assistants gifts and drinks. And, again, I wouldn't treat you badly (like Karen treats Rosario.) But we would enjoy our work.

Let me know if you want to apply.

Oh Whatever.

The Bitch AF can just bite my ass. Ever since I had the tubal, my periods are the DEVIL. I know last time I said I was going to call my doctor. But in true phone-phobe fashion... did I call her? No. I know she'll put me back on my BCP. I'm calling tomorrow. PROMISE.

I do not like today. I feel like I need to make a big purchase in order to make me happy. I hate it when I feel like that.

I think buying a new piece of furniture would make me feel really good. I would really like to get something for the girls. I saw a bunk bed with a full sized bed on the bottom and a twin on the top. They love to sleep in the same room. It came in about a dozen colors and it was darling.

Or maybe I should buy a new sofa/love seat.

Or maybe I should buy a puppy. But that would require a lot of work.

I think I'll just go to bed early instead.

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday

Did you sing that like a song? Hope so, because otherwise that's stupid.

We had some family time at a local play place today. The LLM spotted the mini carousel right away and she wanted on it.

Then, she decided that it pissed her right off and she wanted off of it.

Then, she decided that she wanted back on it.

While we were there, I sat and watched the LLM play in the toddler play area. A mother with three small children sat next to me. One of her children was a new crawler, a tiny little feller. She put him down in the floor and he whined a little. She said to him, "Ugh, hush you little tit bag!" I would have liked to punch her in the face, but she looked a lot tougher than me. Thankfully they left the area really quickly. I cannot STAND to hear stuff like that.

When it was time to leave we had to listen to her cry about "harses" for 30 minutes. Thankfully, a Mommy/Baby nap took place right afterwards.

Momma's Rule

The Licious Couple

Have a happy evening!

It's Friday!

Now what?

I did it again- on my way to pick up the Little's, I headed home instead of going to Mimi's house. Thankfully, I was only a block away when I figured it out.

Evidently, the Customer Service at the Licious Hotel is substandard at best. When I got to Mimi's house, the Littlest of the Lil Momma's had a H-U-D-G-E meltdown because she did NOT want to go home. It was really as if she ways saying, "I don't want to go home. Your service SUCKS. Life is way better here."

I finally coaxed her into the car (read: physically carried her as she kicked and screamed). She was told that if she didn't straighten up, she would have a time out when she got home. I put on her favorite song (Cha Cha Slide), and she chilled.

We don't know what we're doing about tomorrow. There is no football game and no plans. I will be awfully bored if I have to spend another weekend at home.

Praise the Sunshine!

It was exactly what I needed today after the dreary, rainy, and fog of the last two days. I had a nice drive to my 10:00 presentation. My to-do list didn't get done, but thankfully I will spend all day in my office tomorrow. I have been so busy that when I sit down to my desk to work, I don't know where to start. That's boring. Sorry.

The LM's are spending the night with Mimi and Papa tonight. Both DH and I have to leave the house very early for travel to our work sites. Isn't that glamorous?

Here are some beautiful pictures that I will focus on to get me through this time of year...

Beautiful Grand Cayman:

Passion Island, Cozumel. Please take note that we have brought our own Koozies. DDL has an OU Koozie. I have an Al's Wine & Spirits Koozie (from a friend's licker store).

Beautiful Lake Texoma, Summer 08

Maybe these pictures will inspire me to get through the winter months.

I am also looking forward to planning our 10 year anniversary "second honeymoon". This will give me purpose and something to plan and look forward to as I make it through the blah of winter!

Press Fast Forward

DL is home for 3 weeks! He is giving the Lil Momma's a bath right now. I have been lazy today. Well, unless you count getting my hair done and taking a nap.

The presentation on Monday went great! Mr. CEO said that our website exceeded his expectations and he was very impressed. Holla!!!!

Grumpy confession, feel free to skip this part if you love this time of year. I don't want to harsh your holiday spirit!

My least favorite time of year is coming. The Holidaze. Sorry. I just have to force myself to get in the spirit. I'll do it. I'll do it for my girls. I'll fake it. They won't know that Mother is a grinch on the inside. We will bake cookies and listen to Christmas music. We'll sit by the tree and drink hot chocolate. We will drive around and look at Christmas lights. They will never know that I am wishing that I could fast forward to memorial day. I hate the time change. I hate cold rain. I hate snow. I hate HATE hate it!

Here are some pictures from 2 Thanksgivings Ago:

Little Lil at 4 months:

Big Lil at age 4:

Perhaps the sun will shine tomorrow. Or maybe I'll make some time to get in the tanning bed. I love my sunshine, and even if I have to get it artifically, I'll get it!

Helen Strikes Back

She's back. Helen the Herpes arrived yesterday inside of my mouth. It was a timely arrival. Oddly enough, it coincided right around the time that my boss (an executive level officer) informed me that I will need to give a presentation to the other executives Monday. This includes our Chief Executive Officer. I will be giving a presentation over the website that I manage.

I believe a new outfit is in order. Maybe even a new purse. (I love Lipstick's story about the work purse.) I won't have time to get my hair done before 9:30 on Monday morning, but maybe the room will be dark and the CEO won't notice my roots.

I am relieved that our sweet Daddy is home for 3 whole weeks. He got home around 6 last night with a bag full of shoes (the Lil loves shoes) from the Disney store.

Football is on the agenda for today. The weather should be lovely- so perhaps the girls can play outside. My friend Katy should be here today. I hope to see her and her darlings!

Edited to Add: The Little Lil is speaking a foreign language. She's speaking it in sentences, too. I just have no idea what she's saying. It starts out as, "Hey Mommy!" then it turns into the language that I cannot comprehend.

Oh Gawd. I Knew I Was Dumb.

I just didn't know I was *THIS* dumb.

I have been travelling out of town for training at least 3 days a week for the past 4 weeks. In October, I went to our training center in the North (about 85 miles away).

Today, I was scheduled to be at our training center in the South (around 100 miles away). My class was to begin at 10am. I like to get there at least 30 minutes before class begins so I can set up my computer, projector, have handouts ready, etc.

I dropped off the girlfriends in plenty of time. I went to work and picked up my work car. I headed out of town with my new CD blaring and I was excited for a nice drive on a fall morning.

Suddenly- I realized that I was driving NORTH. It was like I was on auto pilot or something. I had forgotten where I was going! Thankfully, I wasn't TOO far out of town. I was able to turn around and make it to my destination 15 minutes before class started.

It's just sort of weird and sad that this is what my brain has become. Just a shell of its former self. Just a hallow space in between my ears.

At least I got some Diet Dr. Pepper today.

How Could This Happen?????

It's all MY fault. I was fully aware that my supply of Diet Dr. Pepper was critically low. I didn't do anything about it. I *need* a Diet Dr. Pepper in the evenings. Especially when I eat pork rinds or popcorn.

If anyone is in the A-Duh area, can you go pick me up a 12-pack from Walgreens along with a cold 12oz bottle from the grocery aisle? I have already bathed and jammied the girls. I don't like to drag them out in the night time hours. I will pay for the 12 pack, and I can barter with you on what you would like for payment of your going out of your way to fulfill my DDP need.

My computer was fixed by the IT team at work. It had one or 433 viruses on it. I think I clicked on a LOL cat that had a virus on it. Because ever since I clicked that LOL, my poor laptop went straight down the shitter.

Signed,
Thirsty

It Happened in the Cereal Aisle

The craziest thing. I had to go to the Wal Martz today on my lunch break (at 3pm). My goal was to buy dessert for Bunko tonight. I thought to myself, "Self, you really need to buy some cereal for the Lil's."

I spotted my BFF's mother! My BFF that I have not heard from since she moved from CA back to Okla-by-God-homa!


Ashley and I have been BFF's since, oh, 3rd grade. We have had many misadventures. We even smelled the morning together in Las Vegas. I have been missing her for a whole year!


I have her phone number! She is living about an hour and a half north of me. I can PROMISE that we are going to hook up and catch up soon. I am preparing myself for a 3 day hangover, people. Because the shit gets ludicrous. I cannot even begin to start to explain.


My computer has a virus, so I have to log off before I go crazy from this pop up infection that I have.