On My Nerve

For first, thanks for all of the comments about Loyl. I actually think I meant Lowel. Or Lowl. Now I'm confused and I don't know. Is it Loyl? Please clear this up.

The Happy Mom-o-Meter is about a 5, Shannon, thanks for asking. It is because we went to eat at Applebeast. We sat there for far too long and the girls wallered on me. They had to sit on the same side of the booth as me, and we sat for too long for their taste.

The Mom-o-Meter is being rebooted at present. It is drinking a Michelob Ultra and waiting for our friend Jenaealicous to arrive with her Little Momma R. We love R and this night is the first sleep over night that BLM and R have had all summer long.

My own LM's are on my nerve in a big way. I'm just sorry to have to admit that right here and now, but there it is and there you have it.

I'll let you know if the Mom-O-Meter gets anywhere near or above a 7.

Edited and Revisited:

Uh, we had a problem with our sleep over. BLM called me "stupid" and did not get to have her guest. Gah, that felt bad to make her little friend go home. But we can't talk to our Momma that way. I hate punishment. It is one of the very, very fiew times she has gotten in sewious trouble.

But, before that I had a flashback of July '04 when BLM had her accident and cut her head wide open. Little Lil Momma tripped and her face scraped on our the edge of our fire pit. Thank you God for it being a minor scrape. (There was no fire in it, so the lesson is a good one.) I scooped her up- she was right by me. I couldn't see anything on her and I looked her up and down and held her face- not a scratch. I hugged her close, then looked at her again and she has a big scratch (about an inch long) about a half inch or less away from her eye. She is a tough chick. She only cried for about 2 minutes.

Big Lil Momma cried for at least 45 over her insulting experience over being grounded.

Let's try to reset again, this time with Ambien.

Date Night

DL (that's Daddylicious) and I had our date night. We ate at a BBQ place. (BBQ is Not a Verb). Then we went to see Step Brothers. The first few moments were silly and funny. I'm pretty sure I laughed out loud. Then, it just kept on with the silly and stupid so now I've ended up with a movie that has muddled my mind. Not all of it was funny. Some of it was funny. Some of it was crass- that's fine with me. Don't take your toddlers.

However, the important thing is that we had a sweet date night and we even holded hands. We laughed and decided that the name "Loyl" should be outlawed. How do you say Loyal? Do you say: Lull? Loayal? Lol? Loy-al? This seems so wrong. Do you know anyone named Loyal?

How do they say it?

Big day today with travel for work. There may be a Burffet involved at the noon meal. I will let you know if it was a very reasonable way to eat out. The quantity of food will be unlimited- which is something you don't get in a regular sit down resturaunt.

Crunk!

Hooray for Mamalicious! I got up early and did my extrasize.

The Happy Mom O Meter is off the charts! DL and I have a date tonight to watch Step Brothers. Hopefully, Mimi and Papalicious will feel like watching the Lil Mommas while we do that.

Have any of my friends watched Step Brothers yet? It better be funny. My IRL friend Amy said it was.

Ambien was in my life again, thank you Sweet Baby Jesus for Ambien! I was sort of worried that I would feel icky because I was awake after midnight, but I popped out of bed when my blackberry chirped at me.

Work it out today!

Shark Week!

Did you know that it is Shark Week? I happen to love shark week. I have watched almost all episodes. I will put off almost anything to watch about sharks. Except last night, I had to turn it off because the sharks were jumping out of the water off of the coast of South Africa. It was just too late to watch such.

Found this with DL's help. It might be my #2 after the Burffet Song. It makes me want football season to arrive!




The Happy Mom-o-Meter was around an 8 today. I preformed EXTREME Maxi Tasking at work today, with hardly even a potty (tee tee) break. That's the way I would prefer most of my daze to be. Just busy, head down, churning out work then getting home to the LM's.

At home we had sprinkler play, our BFF neighbor friend over, and some fajitas for dinner. Did I cook them? No, no, no. I do not cook! Applebee's did it.

I have added some new friends to my blog roll.

Penny is an IRL friend from high school and college daze. Sometime, I might get all crazy and tell you a story about us peeking out of a non-existent window. Good times, Penny.

M Yeager has been reading me for almost as long as I've been writing stupid stuff on the enterwebs. Here she is.

My Dog Teaser (yes I know her real name, but I don't know if she wants me to post it) has coaxed me into calling my doctor. I knew I needed to. She just told me to do it and I did!

Little O' Me just started leaving her loverly comments for me. I found her blog- and it is very Tiffany blue and nice to look at. I'm going to start stalking her eBay auctions. Her pretty little Miss has all of the goods.

I added Lipstick a long time ago, but she's enjoyable to read and is a workin momma like myself.

Enjoy the Rhett and Link video. It's funny!

Stop. Listen----

Do you hear that? It is my house. Very quiet. Children = sleeping. DL= working. ML= not asleep and should be. Anxious because I'm not asleep yet. Worried and looking at the clock, because I really should be asleep by now. Why am I not asleep? What is wrong with me??

I was thinkin' about the LM's tonight and their demanding ways. I am fairly certian that DL and I have created such demanding little monsters. But, honestly, they are totally sweet and they make your heart just want to cater to them. They know how to turn on the charm.

For Momma's that have boys that might like my girls in years to come... warn them. These two know what they want. They will not, under any circumstances, be willing to do with less than the standards that we have set forth. This includes (but isn't limited to):

Breakfast in your bed sometimes.
PJ's all day sometimes.
Watching cartoons every morning. Every. Morning.
Lake time.
Snack after bath.

They know what they are doing. I almost feel sorry for a boy who is going to be in love with one of my girls. He's going to have to have serious skills to keep them pleased.

By the way, is 5 (almost 6) years old too old to have an accident? Do not say a word to BLM, but she had a tee tee accident today. Total meltdown city. I wasn't home to deal with it, but DL said she was hysterical. What does that mean? Just that she didn't take the time to tinkle in the morning? Or is something wrong with her.

You know, I have to have SOMETHING to worry about at all times. Tonight I pick: Not Asleep Yet and Tee Tee Accident.

Happy Mom-O-Meter

On a scale of zero to ten, with zero being unhappy and ten being the happiest ever- I would give today an overall score of 7.5. Reasonably happy, yet not over-the-top happy. But, not sad, which I think is the important thing.

Things that make me happy include:
Clean Sheets (which I have waiting for me on my bed right now)
Clean Laundry that is folded and put away (which is done)
Children that are amiable (they were this evening)
Children that are in bed (they are)
Watching the BBQ Song (see below)
Shaved legs (check)

I Maxi-Tasked at work today. What is Maxi-Tasking? Maxi-tasking is taking phone calls, sending email, and working on data enry at the same time. It makes me extra very happy to be productive at work. It makes the day go by fast. And, I like helping people, so that makes me super happy.

Let's hope Tuesday pans out as well as today did!

BBQ is Not a Verb

That Was Fun.

Sunday- I woke up with a headache around 5:30 in the am. It was an eyeball headache. I felt like I'd been drankin' beer and taking shots of tequila all night. But, I went to bed as sober as a nun at 10:00pm.

I took my migraine meds. Didn't touch it. When the vomiting started, I knew I'd be in for an all-day treat. I was. In the bed- all day. I got home from the lake (papa drove me) and I sat down on the couch until DL got home. He put me in the bed and I woke up every few hours.

It was an awful day/night. I took another migraine med this morning to ward off any residual migraine that might try to creep in. I don't have time for this kind of shit. I am a busy person with busy things to do. I missed a whole day with the LM's. That's some crap.

That'll do.

Skin

What does 34-year-old skin need to keep it looking youthful and fresh? If I tell you my secret, do you promise that you won't go on a big campaign and market this as your own? I trust you.

It needs Coast.

The scent opens your eyes! I wash my face with Coast every morning and night. I scrub really hard to get the layers of make-up off of my face. It keeps my skin fairly clear. I will have an odd blemish every once and again, but that's fine. It lets people know I'm human.

I have an odd need for my wash (or as my Grandma would say, "warsh") cloth to be very thin. I do not like the thick, expensive warsh cloths. No sir ma'am. I need the Dollar Store variety. Preferably, it needs to be very old and thin. Threadbare is best. Threadbare isn't a brand. It's just a term for my favorite few warsh cloths that you can read a newspaper through.

That is all.

So Much Work

So much work was done today. At work. Like, ALL.DAY. I normally save up my work for Tuesday/Wednesday. Monday's are hard because they are Monday. Thursday's are hard because it's almost Friday. Friday is hard because it's Friday. I ended up working hard on each and every single day this week. Wow. That cuts into my multi-slacking time. It actually requires brain power. I'm sort of complaining, but I really like being busy.

My head really hurts. I have been enjoying the rhettandlinkcast this evening. They host a live Rhett and Linkast every Thursday at 8pm CST. They are adorable, hilarious, and family friendly.

I was pretty prolific with my blogging last night. My BLM is home tonight, so I've got to give her some lurvins.

One Small Thing

I have rules and policies in place regarding my hairs. I wash every other day, and I blow dry it at night. (You are welcome for providing you with insight as to my evening routine.)

I just finished with the blow dry routine. Maybe I had a flash back from college. My hair smelled like pot when I was blow drying it.

Just so you know, I didn't get high from it. I don't care for it, personally. I don't care if other people like to poke smot (except for people that live in my house... but if you don't live with me pot all of the smoke you want).

That is all.

Out 'Licious'd

Mimi has been tried and accused of Out-Liciousing me. I have been talking about wanting an H3 for almost a year. I have one in my mind, I'm just not driving (or paying) for it yet.

She bought one yesterday. WELL, BY GOD. If I didn't love her so hard, I might just be a little jealous. But since I love her so hard, and since she brought Rhettand Link into my brain- I will let it slide. I have added them to my blog roll. I will read them on the daily.

I just look so much cooler, younger, richer, cuter, and more Licious standing beside it.

I want to talk some more about the Rhett and Link. I have not laughed so hard since March when I went on the Momma's Gone Wild tour. OK, it was a work trip. But, I laughed really hard with my super cool co-worker. (Remember we stayed at the St. Regis Philbin? We drank beer by the pool one day?)

Anyhow, I am pretty sure that my discovery (thanks to Mims) of them is going to promote a new creativity within me. If they needed to, they could tap into my skillz. I could be easily recruited to perform in their productions. I don't even want money. Just my name out there would be a nice start. I can't sing, by the way, but I am super cute and funny. I'm not shy, either.

I would even sing if I needed to as long as everyone understood that it was just a joke.

I Wanna Roll

This phrase is what my dad taught LLM to say when it was time to leave the house in the mornings. (For those who are new, I usually drop off at my parents house before I go to work and they take them to school.)

When BLM and Papa would leave (they left earlier than my mom and LLM), LLM would say, "I wanna roll" in a really sad voice. She does not appreciate being left out of any mixture.

BLM has been at DL's parents house this week. LLM asks about her no less than 25 times a day. We have had to tell her that sissy is at camp. We can't say that she's with the other grandparents. LLM would have the mutha of all hissy fits. She will not tolerate being left out of the mixture. She also does not like it when her other people are not part of the mix. If we all go to The Wal Martz together, we have to stay together as a group. If we can't manage that, then we might as well not go.

One of these fine days, I'm going to use my camera to capture a mammoth hissy fit. I will post it here and we can all talk about it. I know I can count on everyone to help me dissect what caused the hissy and what I should do (or not do) to prevent or lessen the hissy.

As a matter of fact, I might use my camera to capture one of MY mammoth hissy fits. That might be more telling about why my LM's have such great fit throwing capacity.

I'm kind of looking forward to the next tantrum now. This will be fun.

I Enjoy Burffet's.

Everyone should watch this video. I have had to watch it no less than 20 times.

Please let me know that you lurve it as much as I do.

I wouldn't post this if it wasn't this funny. I really wouldn't. I implore of you to watch it.

Bustin a Cap in Yo Bitch Ass

Dear Co Worker,

You always annoy me, but today you took me to a whole nuther level of anger. I do not think I have ever had such anger as I felt today over your lack of manners.

You are an inconsiderate ASS.

I spent the whole day in Oklahoma City at a leadership conference. I watched you on your blackberry all day. (Please note that you are annoyed by others blackberry usage in your training seminars, however you thought nothing of your own blackberry usage ALL DAY). That wasn't so much the cause of my anger.

You made me irate when you told the group that we would be stopping at a bookstore at 5pm to pick up a book that no one had ever heard of. For some reason, it was imperative for you to purchase that book TODAY. Please do not forget the fact that the rest of the group had to drive an hour and a half south in rush hour traffic. Please do not forget the fact that you live in Oklahoma City. You could have given the book to the recipient tomorrow, whom you are scheduled to see. You did not ask anyone if this was OK with us. You made us sit in the parking lot of the bookstore for 25 minutes, and you came back with no book. And no apology.

I AM A WORKING MOTHER. I DO NOT HAVE A HUSBAND THAT WORKS NORMAL HOURS AND THAT CAN PICK UP MY CHILDREN AT 5PM AND CAN HAVE THEM SETTLED AND THE HOUSE WORK SITUATED.

I had a tantrum to beat all tantrums. I blew up. I felt sorry for my co-workers who were in my car that heard the wrath of my rage. I cannot believe someone could be so rude and inconsiderate. We got out of the conference at 4:30 and had to follow this jack ass to the bookstore. And wait in the car. FOR NOTHING. It wasn't as if jack ass wasn't going to see that person to give her the book tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT WAS SO URGENT???????? I am still hostile.

I don't know if my co-workers are going to tell my boss how mad I got at boB today (I spelled his name backwards so you wouldn't know who it was.) As a matter of fact, I kind of hope they do. Because I have other things to share that really should be taken to HR. So don't eff U Cee Kay with this beotch.

I'm one step from the ledge anyway.

You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea

This is the true-life story of a Werkin' Momma who spends every weekend at the lake with her Little Momma's.

What do we do? We chronicle our cuteness for all of the enterwebs to see.

I don't know if you can handle this, but here it is.

BLM and her BFF Gage, playing with a dead shad. I truly encourage this behavior, as I always thought it was quite fun to play with a dead fish (still do). I aim to raise my children in my likeness- Dead Fish Loving and all. BLM and Gage had a few fusses over the dead fish. We almost had to cut it in half so each would have a piece to play with.

Tell me that there is nothing wrong with this picture. We have been off of the "stomper" since LLM was 18 months old. They found old "stompers" at the lake house. It's ok to give them back, right?

LLM has a serious aversion to camera-looking. However, I thought BLM did a good job taking this picture. We were getting ready for the dock-swimming, and I thought this was cute because I was really looking happy and ready to get some sun!

These are our dock peeps. We share a dock with them, and we had the best fun floating around and peeing in the lake. BLM even knows how to get her ML a beer. For that, I am proud.

The lake has saved me from some lonesome times this summer. I give thanks and praise for being able to run away. Oh- and we go to church every Sunday at the lake. So, am I not going to hell for drinking a few beers after church? Cheese, I hope not!

This Baby

This is BLM when she was two. How cute is she??

Did You Know?

That a fart is a turd screaming for help?


Now you do.

Gothic Momma

This is the new me for right now. It wasn't what I was going for, but I'll werk it. It isn't blue anymore. Does it look blue? Because it's not. It's dark brown with lighter brown highlights.

This is what I was going for:

My hair was/is so over processed that my blonde grabbed the dark and turned the blonde parts blue. We toned it down.... NO MORE BLUE. It will eventually lighten up after a few dips in the lake.

I hardly even remember this morning. I woke up with a HUUUUGE headache. I had to take migraine meds and I came home for a two hour nap before my 2:00 meeting. I had to ask DL and MimiL about the conversations we had this morning because I was so out of it that I didn't recall. MimiL has saved me and is taking the girls for the night. I hope to work from home tomorrow.

Today We Will:

Werk hard at werk.

Post pictures of my playroom. It wants your help.

Post pictures of my brown hairs. It needs you to tell it that it is pretty.

Have a lunch date with its DL.

Get rid of a headache.

Call the Psych. Get the appointment.

Be happy and not cry.

Things That Make Me Happy

Following Ashley's list post, I thought it would be proper for me to make my own list. Seeing as how I really dig her the most. If you do not read her blog, I encourage you to do so.





I will make a disclaimer about my hair. I miss my blondes. I do not look like me. This will take some adjusting, and possibly new make up. I can make a positive out of that. Maybe even a new outfit. I'll work on that tomorrow. I will be sure and gloss up in the morning. I have a meeting with the boss, and the power suit always gives me an edge.





Things that make me happy:


1) My clean house. Cleaning my house. Decor in my house. I will be shopping for a bunneh print soon. Like this:

If that isn't the most precious thing, I don't know what is.

2) Must have window treatment on big kitchen window. I can't look at it for one more year without having some sort of something. If I knew what I wanted I'd post it here.

3) Tyler Candles. Specifically in High Maintenance or Diva. If you are feeling sad, go buy one. Well worth it.

4) My baby talking in sentences. She told me she wanted a red car today. I almost died. She is supposed to be my baby. It is just too sweet.

5) My night guard. It is great.

6) Must say again, I love the clean house smell. I have to find away to toss some things and clean it top notch tomorrow.

7) It is OK to call in sick with a dirty house, right? My mind can't take it.

8) Happy to report I will be getting my head checked soon. Yay.

9) Wanting to plan a trip to Mexico with the girls makes me feel happy!

10) Planning the Party Like a Rock Star makes me happy. I need some cool words. Like, "Have my people call your people" and list my phone # and email address. What else to say? Helps.

Dark and Lovely

I was so very excited to get my hair did today. I went in for a color. It didn't so much turn out the way I planned. It is dark. And my blonde is not blonde. It's brown. It was not supposed to turn out this way. It's pretty, though, I just don't feel sparkly like I usually do when I have big blonde chunky ho-lights in mah hairs.

So- the Mimilicious is making a move to out 'Licious me. She has been in semi-car shopping mode for about a month. I infected her with my talk of the H3. She test drove it today and fell in lurve with it. She's sending Papalish to deal on it tomorrow. I'll let ya'll know how that turns out. It will be just as good as having my own. Except it will be better because I won't be paying for it.

Your Wake Up Call

Hey! Wake your ass up. It's already 4:45 am. Are you sleeping in today or something?

Did you know that you can use your blackberry as a flashlight? I use it all of the time on my nightstand to find my Chapstick. Yes, I wake up in the middle of the night needing Chapstick. I made the heinous mistake of checking my email when I was fumbling for Chapstick. So, that woke me up.

Waking up early is good. I like the quiet time and the time on the computer. I'll get out of the house in a bit and go for a walk. I may even wash my hair. That's a stretch, but I am thinking about it.

I had neighbor friend spend the night last night. They played so well, but they didn't so much feel like going to sleep. I was tired, too, so I had to go in at 10:30 and quiet them. I used my Momma-tone. I didn't like it, but I had to go to bed and I can't go to bed when I know BLM isn't asleep.

I am posting some favorite LOLz for your pleasure on this Wednesday!



more cat pictures



more cat pictures



more cat pictures



more cat pictures

Don't werk too hard today.

Not Happy

Not happy. Not blogging because I can't inflict my neurosis on everyone.

That Which Has Been Seen

Cannot Be Unseen.

OH SHIT. I have phucking fleas! I found the bastard jumping around in my bathroom. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. That's me. Freaking the FUCK OUT.

I don't handle these random daily-hassles very well, do I? I freak out. Now I'm convinced that they are crawling on me. My skin is itching. I have a memory of being a kid and having to crawl in a window of a rent house that my parents owned because we didn't have the key. When I got inside, my socks turned black from all of the fleas.

Uh Mah Gah! That's my house! I live in the flea bag house. SHIT.

I have the chemical treatment to put on the back yard, and I was supposed to do it last week. My lazy ass thought about it, but my lazy ass was too lazy to do anything but stare at the computer and the TV. See what I get when I *DON'T LISTEN TO MY PARENTS*?????? They told me last week to get this done. Did I listen? No. I was a shit headed little brat and I was lazy.

Greaaat. Now I have a flea on my foot. No, wait. I don't. It was just a phantom flea. Now I'm going to have to explain to my parents how I'm a lazy turd and didn't treat the yard last week. No excuses.

They Don't Like it Here.

I missed them so much last week. I felt like I didn't know who I was. I thought about them and looked at their pictures. I wondered if they were thinking about me.

They were not. They were living the High Life. Mimi staged a Golf Cart Scavenger Hunt, complete with 2 golf carts and 11 or 12 clues... there were about 6 or 7 kids involved. They stayed in their PJ's until time to get in their bikini's. They ate what they wanted, they slept when they wanted, they swam when and where they wanted. I'm just a bit jealous, really.

When I dropped LLM off at the Academy of Little Monster's, she whined and almost cried. I felt so sad in the heart. I thought about her all day. When I went and picked her up, she cried for Mimi. We looked at pictures on the computer, and she cried for the golf cart.

Why do we want what they can't have? Why don't they cooperate? If I want them to sit down to eat dinner, I have to give them the 5 minute warning. If I want them to take a bath, I have to mentally prepare them and give them 5 minutes to mentally prepare. Once they get in the tub I have to give them a 5 minute warning to mentally prepare to get out of the tub. Same with bedtime. If I don't give them the mental prep time, all hell breaks loose. When all hell breaks loose- that makes me want to talk in the Momma voice. No one wants to be spoken to in the Momma voice.

It is almost 9:00 and they are still roaming around saying they are board. I'm going to teach them to do laundry. That will fix 'em.

Party Pics

Much overdue pictures from my camera. I left it at the lake all last week, so I'm behind on posting the pictures from our 4th of July festivus at the lake. There was a golf cart parade on the 4th. We didn't win any prizes, but we did have the prettiest girls!

Pre-4th of July Golf Cart Parade at Little Glasses

Kennedi on the Cushman

Uncle RB- he was able to flash his bewbies for some beads. He totally owned the parade with his patriotic mullet and Elton John glasses. I think the next stop for him is Key West.

These babes love the beach!
The girls spent last week at the lake, if you will kindly recall. I moped around all week long like I had lost my limbs. Well, they are back now. And they are bossy. They want to live at the lake.

Mimi and Papa took a Sea Doo ride to the beach one afternoon with the girls. Kennedi fell asleep on the Sea Doo on the way. She's practicing her Power Napping Skills.

Chandler and Gage

Kennedi embraces the fine art of napping.



Kennedi Turns Two!

The month-long event started on July 1, but this was the 13th day of her birth month. It totally rules to have a mom that loves to celebrate her birthday for a whole month. That means the girls get a month too!

We made cupcakes and the girls decorated them for the party.

Kennedi looks at the camera- a rare moment in photo history.
(This is where ya'll go, "Hey! LLM looks so much like her Momma!")

Even more rare- the four of us looking at the camera a the same time.

This has never happened before.
(This is where ya'll go, "Hey! Those LM's look just like a little ML!"

This is Kennedi making a wish. I'm pretty sure she is wishing she could live at the lake with her Mimi and Papa.

Big Sister helps make the wish. That's what she would wish for!

Bubbs! We go'n party like it's ya birthday! We go'n sip bacardi like it's ya birthday! No. Well, maybe in about 19 years!

The month-long celebration continues while Chandler's 6th birthday party plan is in the works. I have no party planning skills, so I may call upon my peeps (that's ya'll) to help me!

Birthday's Last More than One Day

I think you all know this. Birthday's last an entire month.

LLM had her birthday on Friday, complete with a beach bash! Saturday there was more partying to be done- swimming, napping, boozing (my contribution). Sunday was the actual party. All grandparents came to the party extravaganza. We made and decorated cupcakes.

First, we painted hair with spray-on hair color. Next, we opened presents- then we sang Happy Birthday and had a bubble-blowing machine! It was a small party, but it was fantastic. We even colored the dogs hair (they were not at all impressed).

I have many, many pictures to share. I will have to wait until tomorrow because my stank ass DSL does not work as fast as my kick ass T1 line at work. You will be on pins and needles I am sure.

As for gifts- the biggie was a Little Tykes Cottage. It seems as though BLM was digging it more than LLM, but that's OK! LLM also got a Tickle Me Elmo, Fisher Price Airplane, and some Diego animals. Grandparents also gave monies for the college fund! Yeay!

More to come tomorrow. Thanks for all of the happy birthday wishes for that little baby doll of mine!

Round 3 of the party takes place at daycare tomorrow. Messy, messy frosted cookies with sprinkles :o) I will for sure be on hand to take pictures. I know the parents will love me for that!

On Your Mark, Get Set....

Start Napping! Yes, it is a day early but you should be practicing. In fact, I'm getting ready for a practice nap.

My super cool boss gave the team the rest of the day off after the mandatory fun. I'm super excited that I get to cash in on a practice nap and then head down south a little bit early.

Happy Birthday, Little Lil Momma! We are celebrating The Big Two this weekend!

What I Have to Look Forward To:

Friday! Friday! Friday!

There will be mandatory fun at my departmental picnic. By definition, mandatory fun is a celebratory business event that holds no interest for the participants but requires attendance since names are being taken.

Sadly, I do not enjoy these things. Yes, it is a day away from the office. But- it is a day away from the office where I need to be doing important things.

I was picked to lead a project by our officer group. Perhaps my boss knows how to butter me up, but saying that I was picked to lead the project by our officer group really perked me up. I have been having some motivational dysfunction lately, and this is just the thing I need to get me back on top of things.

I found a term for what is really going on and why I was probably picked for this project.

Back-Sourcing: When outsourcers fail to deliver quality, service or cost effectiveness, companies will bring the job back in-house.

I don't really care. I'm just excited to have a fresh project to add to my list of action items (you know that is the fancy term for To Do List).

So, enjoy those 2 new tastee tidbits to add to your buzz whack. If you don't work in a corporate environment, that's cool. Just adapt them to your needs and you are GTG.

Update from the 580

Day 4 of Lonesome, Empty, Quiet House. Osama Bin Oliver sure is making a play for the most annoying creature, ever, but I just keep swatting him away from me. He is such a terrorist cat.

I found something really creepy at my back door today after work. It looks like part of an animal paw. It may be a raccoon paw. Why on earth did a raccoon leave part of its paw on my back door??? It isn't bloody, it's just a claw and a paw pad. I could wrap it up in tissue paper and hang it from the playhouse before DL gets home. He will totally think the Blair Witch Project is happening in his back yard.

Other unrelated news: There is to be a new Olympic Event added this year. Olympic Napping. Prelims will be held this Saturday. There will be:

1) Power Napping
2) Angry Napping
3) Marathon Napping

People have asked- will drugs be allowed in the competition?

My answer- of course. That is a stupid question to ask me. I personally like a Benadryl for my own nap purposes.

If you would like to submit an application to be a part of the Contest, post your comment here and let me know which category you will be trying out for. Notice that Booze Napping is not listed. That is on purpose. If DL hears that Booze Napping tryouts are being held, he would try to out-nap me. There is no out tanning, out dressing, or out booze-napping me.

FYI- I Phucking Hate the Olympics. I'm sorry if that offends some of you. Do not take it personally because I know that neither of us invented the Olympics. It is just a TV nightmare.

Behold, A Lady!

I am pretty sure that Andre 3000 (Outkast) is singing this song to me. The first part of it says,

Behold, a Lady
I see you standing on the wall
Clap Clap
You deserve it all!

Yes. Yes I shore do and I'm going to get it, too.

I have had some sads during the past few weeks. I miss my DL when he works so much. That gives me an awful sense of incomplete.

My LM's are at the lake for the week. It sounded like a great idea at the time, but the empty of the house is more than I can take! I know, right? I'm always saying how they talk too much and they are all of the time demanding my catering services. Well, shit! It's because they learned that from their Mamalicious. Some man is going to have a mighty hard time keeping up with them. I miss the stuffin out of those pretty babies!

DL treated me to a full set of nails and a pedicure this evening. He doesn't know it yet, but he did. It is the least he can do for the phine ass 34 year old woman that is his MML, don't you think? It's a small price to pay, really, because what I wanted to do was buy something BIG like that new H3. Is that symptomatic of something? What does that say about me? Depression = Big Ticket Item?

There are a few words that I would like to hear on a daily basis in order to make me feel good. I really like the way I feel when I'm helping people. I like to feel like something I do or say makes a difference. My job isn't doing it for me (it usually does, but I've been feeling off for the past 2 weeks). My girls for sure don't tell me Thank You at this juncture. Me and DL have such phucked up schedules, so he hardly gets the chance to tell me these things- and please read again at the top of this blog where I said I miss him because of his phucky hours. We need time in common. I know he's telling me these things inside of his mind.

I'm going to make something fancy to hang on the wall in our house. It is going to list the 5 things that I need to be acknowledged in some way, shape, or form on the daily.

1) I am smart.
2) I am cute.
3) I am tan.
4) I am an amazing mother.
5) I have hardcore talent when it comes to managing a career and a house.

Those might not be in order. Number 4 may need to be moved to #1 and #5 may need to go to #2. I'll keep working on it.

New Word

The word of today is: Lorts



Lorts are long shorts. The kind that you see dudes wearing. They are kind of like man-capri's or flood pants. They are baggy. You know they are supposed to be long shorts, but they look like capri's. When you see them, think of flood pants for males. It might make you laugh.



I do not know who this man is, nor did I take this photo. This is what I found when I googled long shorts.

I found the photo on Mary's blog, she is the photographer of these lorts. I am thankful that she commented and allowed me to use the photo that I ripped off of her blog without causing any mental injury or suffering on my part because I didn't know the rule. Thanks, Mary. We can all thank her by giving her blog a visit~ It's good!

Very Upsetting Discovery

Just arrived home from the lovely holidaze at the lake. I unpacked and DL helped me get this house in top notch condish. It will stay that way as the girls are at Camp Mimi-Papalicious. Which is happy. And sad. I have closed all doors to the play room, BLM's room, and LLM's room.

I was sooo happy to get to sit down and download my photos from the fun weekend. Well, what do you know? I took the WRONG CAMERA. For Shit's Sake, I won't get to share them until NEXT weekend. This was a very upsetting discovery. I almost thought about crying, but that wouldn't do any good except make me have puffy eyes and a stopped-up nose.

Mother (me... aka Motherlicious, which is the name I have given myself when I have panic-y stressful times) needed about 16 beers and an anxiety pill yesterday.

If I had my camera- I could post a picture of this damn baby pool that almost gave me a full blown attack. For whatever reason, the baby pool was set up at the dock. It was this cool blow up deal that had a smallish water slide and "hot tub" area. Fun stuff. But, it wasn't (in my opinion) dock-friendly. And, who wanted to be in it? LLM. The dock wasn't wide enough for it, really. It was about 4 inches from the side of the boat dock that had an empty boat slip.

My mind, it kept seeing LLM tumble into the water. I couldn't get her away from it. I had to corral her into a corner of it, which pissed her right off. I then stood in the 4 inches between the boat dock and the empty boat slip to catch any clumsy toddler from falling off. Yes, she had on her life jacket, but I still didn't want the trauma from her plunging in. It wasn't my idea to put it there. But it was there and I had to deal with it.

After that, BLM was swimming off of the dock. She was jumping in and climbing up the ladder and jumping in and climbing off the ladder. Papalish was in the water with her. She had on her life jacket (of course) and somehow she got her arms up over her head and slipped out of it. I was standing right there. THANK YOU JESUS. I saw her come out. She grabbed the arm of her vest (and was scared shitless, btw). I was calm (dunno how because my mind was in a panic). I notified Papa in the non-scariest-non-panicked voice I could find. I told her, "You're doing fine, Chandler. Kick as hard as you can. You're doing great. Just keep swimming!" Papa grabbed her and I got her out of the water and told her how proud I was of her swimming and her calm reaction. I made the decision that the vest was too big and that she was NEVER to swim without an adult in the water. (That instance is rare, but it has happened from time to time. We would sit on the dock and watch the kids jump in and out.) No more of that. And we have a new life vest. I went up to the house to have a mild panic attack (my phucking heart stopped beating, and I'm pretty sure that 5 years of my life are gone because of it).

Other than all of that- the weekend was beautiful. We watched fireworks, played in the water, went on Sea Doo rides, went out on the boat, ate terrific food, and drank beers. I also ate the best Key Lime Pie every, from Ricki Jacks.

I'm going to link her up here, because she will ship her WONDERFUL DELIGHTS wherever you might be. They are TO DIE FOR.

And, here would be some pictures- but this dumb ass picked up the wrong camera. Sorry bout it.

Phucking Fleas

My poor lab! She has been itching like crazy. I thought it was her usual summer allergies. I checked her out today, and she has phucking fleas. I bathed the dog in the shower. She acts like she has been traumatized and she probably will not step foot in the bathroom for another 6 months.

This means the cats have phucking fleas. Phucking flea bag cats. They go in and out. I know it is them. I hate them. The cats. And the phucking fleas.

Pre lake trying to get ready is kicking my ass and giving me anxiety. I can't find most of our 37 bikini's for the girls. LLM is Momma-ing me to death and I have not had the time to tend to its needs. Other than basic food/diapering. I'm a crazy person trying to get ready to leave.

Now I have to go to the vet and get Front Line for the phucking fleas. I am itching like crazy just thinking about the phucking fleas. I have to manage to dip the dog between now and leaving time.

Phuck it. I'm going to concentrate on packing and I'll deal with the phucking fleas when I can get out of the house. I will have an adventure taking 2 girls to the vet. I don't know whether to drop the cats off and get them taken care of, too. I know the cats will have to be tranquilized in order to bathe them. Well, one of them at least. Why do I have these phucking cats? They are satans helpers.

Edited To Add:
We have dealt with the phuckers. Phucking Cats got Frontline and a vet appointment to be tranquilized and bathed on Wednesday. Until then, they are locked outside. They don't need inside anyway. I think Phoebe is depressed because all she does as sleep and Osama Bin Oliver is just annoying.

We managed a nap. Or, I took a nap. So did LLM. BLM needed a nap, she woke up so early. I woke up at one point and she was not in the bed. I woke up again and she was there with her eyes closed...scrunched up...pretending she had been asleep. She's a good girl, so whatever she was doing wasn't naughty. But she wasn't sleeping.

The LM's and I will be headed South soon. We want to wish you a happy and safe 4th of July celebration.

The LM's will be staying at the lake for 11 days with Mimi and Papalicious. I'm excited for the alone time, but I know that will be sad within the first 30 minutes I'm home alone.

Hawt Dawg Daze

Look.

I haz made my first Hollolz! It won't be long and this will be all over the enterwebz!

This photo has a story. All pictures do. I will start out this story the way that the BLM likes all of her stories started.

One day, we went to the beach at the lake. I believe it was in 1990. That's a long time ago. Everyone was there- my parents, a friend (Slim), my aunts, and two uncles. We grilled hot dogs and played in the water.

One of us (I do not recall which one of us) caught a dead fish. We played with it, threw it at each other... mainly at my aunt who felt that this was nothing shy of terrorism (which made it even MORE fun and funny). Then we put a hot dog in its mouth.

That is the story. The end.

I must go now to fulfill requests of smallish peoples. One had goldfish, then the other one got cereal and now the other one that had goldfish thinks it needs cereal.

I Waked Up Early

DL and I had a little camp-out in the living room last night. We have lots of vocabulary terms that we use within our house (I think everyone does) and this is one of them. A camp out is when you sleep in the living room. I fell asleep on the love seat. He slept on the sofa. I woke up at 3am and moved it to the bedroom. I don't think I've been asleep since. I may have had small tidbits of sleep but I should have stayed on the love seat.

I didn't have the foresight to bring mah pillohz into the living room before I konked out.

This morning I have already been on my walk and started some laundry. The asshole cat, Osama Bin Oliver woke the BLM up at 6am barking at her window. She will require a nap today. She normally wakes around 8.

Today is My Friday! I'm heading South sometime on Thursday to begin the 4th of July festivus.

It was this weekend 3 years ago that Chandler had her "accident". I was at work, and Chandler was at home with her Grammy (DL's Mom) and her DL. Something caught her eye on our table in the hallway.

This is the table (look past the LLM wearing underwear on her head).

The table fell on her, she landed on the tile and the table landed on her head.

I got a very calm call from Grammy. I was not at all concerned until I passed them as I was leaving work and they were on their way to the ER. I called DL and he was frantic. I heard a tone in his voice that I hope I never have to hear again.

When I got to the ER I heard Chandler screaming. She had a gash in her head so big that you could see her skull. Blood was every where. She was frantic. DL was just about to come apart. He tried to buck on me (leave for work), and I know it was because the situation was just too much. He starts sweating and getting upset when we take the girls for immunizations, so this was hard for him.

It was hard for me, too. I was not medicated at the time, but I maintained composure. I held Chandler- she quit crying and she fell asleep in my arms. Which scared the Shit out of me.

The ER nurse and doctor were fantastic. They gave us the choice of sewing it up right there or putting her under and sewing her up. We chose to have her put under and they called the surgeon. I took her back to the OR and held her as the nurse gave her a shot of ketamine. She chillaxed (after the initial insult of the shot) and let the nurse carry her back to the OR.

We had to postpone our lake trip. But when we woke up the next day, all Chandler remembered was that the doctor hurt her arm (the shot). Then she said, "Take a bath, Momma. I want to go to the lake." And we did. And she didn't complain of it one time. Not ONCE.

It sheard a good 5 years off of my life. The table went into the garage for more than a year until Grandpa (DL's dad) could secure it to the wall. We have since moved, and it is secured to the wall in the new house.

Here she is the day after:

And about a week later:

And now:

No one ever notices the scar in her eyebrow. We are lucky we had a good surgeon. I have emailed him pictures and thank you's almost every year. It's time to do it again.

Mah Pillohz

They are 10 years old. Maybe even more than that.

They are very flat. There are two of them. They cannot (I repeat, cannot) be replaced. I have looked everywhere for flat feather pillows. They do not exist.

My pillows go everywhere that I go. *side note* If I go on vacation, they stay at home.

I love them. Mimilicious has told me to that they are gross and Oprah said you shouldn't have the same pillow for more than a year. I like my Mom, but I don't give a rats ass what Oprah said. She's never slept on my pillows.

Supposedly, I should be sick and all dying and stuff because of my old pillows. Maybe that's why I have headaches? Maybe that's why I'm crazy? Maybe the mites have gotten to me. I bet bed bugs are to blame for some of my lunacy.

I don't care because I'm buck wild like that.

Late Lunch

I had to take a late lunch today. Tyson emailed me and said his blog had been updated. There are pictures of my pretties on there. He did a great job and his commentary makes it even better.

I will still be blogging about my 10 year old pillows soon. It is filthy and disgusting that I have 10 year old pillows. We can talk more about that later.

I've also decided that Mah Sad needs an H3 to make it happy. If I am ever feeling sad, large items may be purchased. Up to and including home furnishings as well as a vehicle. The larger the sad, the bigger the purchase.