My company gives us our birthday off. I had to work yesterday, so today is my birthday leave.
I'm having a Cleaning Extravaganza. I even put clean cat litter in the cat box. Clean sheets are next.
A nap WILL take place.
LLM went to school and BLM has been out in the back yard playing in the sun and reading books and magazines in her bikini.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Too Hot for 1987
Sash, the picture made my whole birthday happy! I can't STAND how cool we were and we didn't even know it yet. We have lots of photographic evidence of many dress up sessions and stunts, but this one was by far the best.
I love all of my birthday comments! You all did a fantastic job in helping me have a Happy Birthday/Month/Summer/Year! DL- thank you for all of the silent comments because you don't want to be all PDA over the internetz.
My training session today was fine, and I didn't even the Mocha Latte Valium to go, so that's one spare in my 'just in case' stash! Yay!
The only drama was the Big Little Momma had a come-apart at a hip hop class. Mims took the girls to this class while I got my roots did (word). BLM asked to take her shoes off, and Mimi said no- and meltdown ensued. It was crazy drama. I got a phone call from BLM that I couldn't even understand she was crying so hard. I don't even want to talk about it anymore.
LLM looks like a birthday present today. She's got pink and blue korker bows in her blonde dog ears!
It's MY Birthday.
Oh, the irony of it. I am scheduled to be in a class all.day.long today. On my birthday. MY birthday. The irony part? I am a training person. I have worked as a corporate or technical trainer for the majority of my post-college career. I hate to be the one sitting in a class. I don't know if it is the attention wh0re in me, or if I have adult attention deficit disorder. Either way, I'm not looking forward to it.
I am looking forward to getting my nasty-ass hair did. My roots are about 2 inches grown out. Not really, but it feels that way.
Thank you, Sasha, for my birthday comment on your blog! I will have one this morning as a matter of facto.
Again, friends, all I want for my birthday is comments. You can tell me things like, "Gee- you don't look 34!" and "Wow- You look like you've lost weight!" or "Gosh- how on earth do you DO it all and look SO good doing it?" or "No- I don't like Xanex, please take my prescription."
I am looking forward to getting my nasty-ass hair did. My roots are about 2 inches grown out. Not really, but it feels that way.
Thank you, Sasha, for my birthday comment on your blog! I will have one this morning as a matter of facto.
Again, friends, all I want for my birthday is comments. You can tell me things like, "Gee- you don't look 34!" and "Wow- You look like you've lost weight!" or "Gosh- how on earth do you DO it all and look SO good doing it?" or "No- I don't like Xanex, please take my prescription."
Any of those things. All of those things. Make up your own things. Especially if your name is Daddylicious and you have never left a comment on your Baby Momma's Blog and you want her to know how you think she's smart, cute, tan, funny, etc. and oh-by-the-way I ordered a new couch for us and it will be here next week.
KTHXBAI.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Name Change
I'm changing my name to Frumpalicious.
But that doesn't really go together. I need a new name. I think I have PMS even though I don't have a period.
Maybe it's the sinus headache. Or that the cable in my bedroom isn't working. Maybe it's because I feel bloated right now. It could be any number of things, I suppose. It could be the PJ's I'm wearing. I should go right now and shower and fix up. Full on hair and make up like I'm going out. Lots of gloss.
I dunno. Maybe I need to start tanning again.
Why isn't anything good on TV? When does Shark Week start?
But that doesn't really go together. I need a new name. I think I have PMS even though I don't have a period.
Maybe it's the sinus headache. Or that the cable in my bedroom isn't working. Maybe it's because I feel bloated right now. It could be any number of things, I suppose. It could be the PJ's I'm wearing. I should go right now and shower and fix up. Full on hair and make up like I'm going out. Lots of gloss.
I dunno. Maybe I need to start tanning again.
Why isn't anything good on TV? When does Shark Week start?
My New House
I've made a very important decision today. It will affect my whole life in a positive way, and it may even revolutionize the entire non-cooking and laundry-doing population.
When I'm ready to build my custom home, there will not be a kitchen. I will repurpose the kitchen area and turn it into a giant laundry room. I will have at least 2 washers/dryers. They will be the biggest and best. I can have 2 washers and 2 dryers going all of the time.
I get dizzy with excitement just thinking about it. I will have lovely granite counters and high end cabinetry (it will look like furniture and it will be distressed black). I won't have closets, we will use the laundry room to store all of the folded clothing. There will be a giant wall for hanging clothes with doors so we don't have to look at it.
As a non-cook, the whole concept of the kitchen is wasted on me. I only need a fridge and a microwave. That could totally go into the garage.
I must go for now. This laundry isn't going to do itself.
When I'm ready to build my custom home, there will not be a kitchen. I will repurpose the kitchen area and turn it into a giant laundry room. I will have at least 2 washers/dryers. They will be the biggest and best. I can have 2 washers and 2 dryers going all of the time.
I get dizzy with excitement just thinking about it. I will have lovely granite counters and high end cabinetry (it will look like furniture and it will be distressed black). I won't have closets, we will use the laundry room to store all of the folded clothing. There will be a giant wall for hanging clothes with doors so we don't have to look at it.
As a non-cook, the whole concept of the kitchen is wasted on me. I only need a fridge and a microwave. That could totally go into the garage.
I must go for now. This laundry isn't going to do itself.
Monday, May 26, 2008
The Pictures Are Cute
So, I still have cute pictures....
How sweet are these Lil Momma's? This picture is taken at Little Glasses, looking towards the point. You can't tell, but they are on a slight cliff that leads down to a rocky beach.
I don't know why, but these little girls don't like to look at the camera. If one does look, the other one does not. I think they heard that story from days of yore when people thought if you smiled/looked at the camera it would steal your soul.
This big girl looks stunning in pink. How does she get this tan wearing 50 block sunscreen? Lucky.
Monster Baby... Playing in the yard getting nice and grassy. She hates being barefoot in the grass. I can pretty much trust that if she is barefoot in the grass that she will stay put. She will also have a meltdown if there is grass on her feet. We did the meltdown over this all weekend.
And, here is proof that "Wipers" are not born- they are RAISED. I was compelled to clean the bathroom and the toilet. It was almost as if I couldn't help myself. It is a powerful force. I thought all of you would want to see my mental illness in action.
Fun? Not So Much.
Windmorial Day Weekend= Pretty Much Suck.
The wind blew all.weekend.long. The water was too choppy.
I got one good day of beer drinking with DL. However, while I was sunning on the dock with Mich (Ultra), I didn't realize that I had lay my head on some sap/wood treatment. Mimi had to cut about nine hunks out of the back of my hair. At least I have 45 pounds of hair to spare, however I must have gained a lot of weight over the weekend because the scale was not nice to me this evening.
Maybe it was the beer. Chandler asked me, "Momma, did you have to much beer to drink?" (I had 5). I said no. She pointed to my tummy and said I looked like I had too much beer in there. (Please recall last weekend when she told me I looked like I had another baby in my tummy and I told her that it was just beer.)
Even though I walked every day while I was gone, I maybe have been too relaxed with the diet. Oh well, tomorrow the alarm is set for 5:40 and I'm on it.
LM spiked a fever. She pretty much had one solid tantrum the entire weekend. I'm sure her ears are bugging her, plus allergies, plus she can't do all of the things that BLM gets to do.
BLM had a good time. She had lots of friend-boys to play with. She was a good girl and only had one tantrum today when I would not let her go to Hogs Pin Beach (yeah, that's a real name of a real beach on the lake). She said it was the worst day ever.
I have had allergy issues all weekend, lost my voice, and had a fever. All I wanted to do was sleep. I did get naps.
I hope I have more fun at work tomorrow. I will post some pictures tomorrow.
The wind blew all.weekend.long. The water was too choppy.
I got one good day of beer drinking with DL. However, while I was sunning on the dock with Mich (Ultra), I didn't realize that I had lay my head on some sap/wood treatment. Mimi had to cut about nine hunks out of the back of my hair. At least I have 45 pounds of hair to spare, however I must have gained a lot of weight over the weekend because the scale was not nice to me this evening.
Maybe it was the beer. Chandler asked me, "Momma, did you have to much beer to drink?" (I had 5). I said no. She pointed to my tummy and said I looked like I had too much beer in there. (Please recall last weekend when she told me I looked like I had another baby in my tummy and I told her that it was just beer.)
Even though I walked every day while I was gone, I maybe have been too relaxed with the diet. Oh well, tomorrow the alarm is set for 5:40 and I'm on it.
LM spiked a fever. She pretty much had one solid tantrum the entire weekend. I'm sure her ears are bugging her, plus allergies, plus she can't do all of the things that BLM gets to do.
BLM had a good time. She had lots of friend-boys to play with. She was a good girl and only had one tantrum today when I would not let her go to Hogs Pin Beach (yeah, that's a real name of a real beach on the lake). She said it was the worst day ever.
I have had allergy issues all weekend, lost my voice, and had a fever. All I wanted to do was sleep. I did get naps.
I hope I have more fun at work tomorrow. I will post some pictures tomorrow.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Fo Yo Infomachun
I will be packing up the family truckster and heading south. I think this is what counts as my birthday WEEKEND, although the actual date of my birth is not until next Thursday.
DL is still sleeping peacefully, and I know he is dreaming about soaking up some sun and drinking cold nasties with his favorite baby momma. (I'm his only baby momma, but I thought it would be fun to say that. And it was.)
A few notes so that you will know a little more about my mom and dad. Mimilicious sells Real Estate. She's alot like Annette Bennings character on "American Beauty." Not really, actually really as far away from psycho bitch as you can get. She is my bestie. I talk to her every single day via email, phone, and actual face time. Big Lil Momma took this picture of us. I really think she is great at taking pictures!
DL is still sleeping peacefully, and I know he is dreaming about soaking up some sun and drinking cold nasties with his favorite baby momma. (I'm his only baby momma, but I thought it would be fun to say that. And it was.)
A few notes so that you will know a little more about my mom and dad. Mimilicious sells Real Estate. She's alot like Annette Bennings character on "American Beauty." Not really, actually really as far away from psycho bitch as you can get. She is my bestie. I talk to her every single day via email, phone, and actual face time. Big Lil Momma took this picture of us. I really think she is great at taking pictures!
Papalicious is also in Real Estate, but he appraises. He knows everything and he likes to repeat stories. We love the one about Gary England (pretty famous meteorologist in OK). He likes to drink beer- and he let me start sipping on his beer when I was a lil momma. He loves his dogs and his girls more than anything else. He gets picked on because he's the only guy. (DL is a guy, too, but DL works these long ass hours and does not get the chance to get picked on.)
I'm an only. I think we talked about that before, but it's very important for you to know just what kind of crazy you're dealing with when you're reading me. I've been told my whole life that I'm beautiful and smart, and there is no reason for that to stop now (Mimi, DL... hint).
I woke up with a sore throat, and I hate that. I will take some Benedryl and get on with it. Beer will make it feel better.
I will think about my Internet friends while I'm gone and I'll come back with stories of fun and cute pictures.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tantrumonium
Hey- I just made up a new term. Tantrumonium. Thanks, Big Little Momma for having a HUGE meltdown because neighbor friend wasn't home. After finding out friend wasn't home, BLM ran home crying and tantrumonium ensued. She is in her room, crying it out.
My house is clean. It is not going to stay this way long, I assure you.
Let me just say that I do not consider myself normal when it comes to my house cleaning. Slim, do not feel bad that you do not desire to clean. Consider yourself lucky that you are not obsessive and that the cleanliness of your house does not affect the kind of day you have.
This obsession is genetic, I think. My dad is what is known as a "wiper". He keeps everything immaculate. His vehicles look new all.of.the.time. His boat looks new all of the time. His Sea Doo looks new. He is obsessive and he has to "wipe around on stuff" weekly.
When I was a LM, my dad was in construction. He would build a new house, and if it didn't sell we'd move in. I thought it was normal to live in a brand new house every 2-3 years. I was spanked if I touched a wall with my hand (you know how kids like to run down the hallway and run their hand along the wall? That's what got me spanked).
We had to keep the house in move-out ready condish. I had to scrub baseboards every other week. Guess what- since I moved out, no one scrubs baseboards at their house. What's up with that Mimi? Were you just making me earn my keep? See what you and dad did to me?
DL and I have always bought older homes to reno. We get them "like new" before we move in. I'm positive that the genetics of the "wiper"isim comes out in me wanting to have it clean all of the time.
Anyhow, before I had LM's I cleaned my house 2x a week. My sickness is so bad that I always have to do things in a certain order. If they don't ALL get done (down to clean sheets on the bed), it DOES NOT COUNT AS A CLEAN HOUSE inside of my head.
That, friends, is sick.
Having a housekeeper does nothing for me. I do not get the same sense of satisfaction, and as a mentally ill person- I need this temporary satisfaction.
I am not as bad as I was pre-LLM. I've even had dirty dishes in my sink overnight! That's progress.
Anyhow, my house isn't totally clean. I still have to put clean sheets on the bed. That might have to wait until tomorrow. We're going to the lake in the morning, and nothing would please me more than coming home to clean sheets. However, if I don't put clean sheets on tonight then this whole house cleaning I just did today does not count.
Do you see now that this is the mind of a sick person??
My house is clean. It is not going to stay this way long, I assure you.
Let me just say that I do not consider myself normal when it comes to my house cleaning. Slim, do not feel bad that you do not desire to clean. Consider yourself lucky that you are not obsessive and that the cleanliness of your house does not affect the kind of day you have.
This obsession is genetic, I think. My dad is what is known as a "wiper". He keeps everything immaculate. His vehicles look new all.of.the.time. His boat looks new all of the time. His Sea Doo looks new. He is obsessive and he has to "wipe around on stuff" weekly.
When I was a LM, my dad was in construction. He would build a new house, and if it didn't sell we'd move in. I thought it was normal to live in a brand new house every 2-3 years. I was spanked if I touched a wall with my hand (you know how kids like to run down the hallway and run their hand along the wall? That's what got me spanked).
We had to keep the house in move-out ready condish. I had to scrub baseboards every other week. Guess what- since I moved out, no one scrubs baseboards at their house. What's up with that Mimi? Were you just making me earn my keep? See what you and dad did to me?
DL and I have always bought older homes to reno. We get them "like new" before we move in. I'm positive that the genetics of the "wiper"isim comes out in me wanting to have it clean all of the time.
Anyhow, before I had LM's I cleaned my house 2x a week. My sickness is so bad that I always have to do things in a certain order. If they don't ALL get done (down to clean sheets on the bed), it DOES NOT COUNT AS A CLEAN HOUSE inside of my head.
That, friends, is sick.
Having a housekeeper does nothing for me. I do not get the same sense of satisfaction, and as a mentally ill person- I need this temporary satisfaction.
I am not as bad as I was pre-LLM. I've even had dirty dishes in my sink overnight! That's progress.
Anyhow, my house isn't totally clean. I still have to put clean sheets on the bed. That might have to wait until tomorrow. We're going to the lake in the morning, and nothing would please me more than coming home to clean sheets. However, if I don't put clean sheets on tonight then this whole house cleaning I just did today does not count.
Do you see now that this is the mind of a sick person??
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Could Someone Tell Me What I Was Thinking?
I have 3 5ish year olds spending the night tonight. We had a pizza party, followed by outside playtime. Then I had the brilliant idea of running them around the neighborhood to blow off some excess energy. BLM and her BFF ran and ran and ran like the wind. Other friend (boy) didn't so much dig the sprinting, but I think it was because he had on flip flops.
They are a treat to have, but getting them to play quietly is a challenge. I am thinking they are going to be up late... Oh well.
I had a bit of a freak-out session over the state of my house. My carpet has not been vacuumed in 3 weeks. My vac is broken. I'm tempted to buy a Dyson Animal. I'm in total and complete disgust. The LM's are leaving for the lake tomorrow afternoon. I will be spending Wednesday night having a scrub fest. It will cleanse my soul. I think I want a Swiffer Wet Jet. I hate to mop. But, I'm in desperate need at this point. At least it is picked up for the deep clean. It's going to feel good. I'm going to sleep soooo good tomorrow night with my clean house.
Graduation was fun, but the crowd wore me out. I took a Xanex after the event, and then I had another Xanex plus a margarita (ok, 2) before dinner as I was having my freak out over my nasty house. Call me a drug addict. I don't care. Sometimes that is the only way I can survive the daily grind.
I'm glad I don't have 4 kids. I'm in awe of people who have more than 2. Especially that are close in age. I might fall right off the deep end.
Oh- side note: is it ok to call in to work to clean a dirty house? I'm entertaining the idea of it.
They are a treat to have, but getting them to play quietly is a challenge. I am thinking they are going to be up late... Oh well.
I had a bit of a freak-out session over the state of my house. My carpet has not been vacuumed in 3 weeks. My vac is broken. I'm tempted to buy a Dyson Animal. I'm in total and complete disgust. The LM's are leaving for the lake tomorrow afternoon. I will be spending Wednesday night having a scrub fest. It will cleanse my soul. I think I want a Swiffer Wet Jet. I hate to mop. But, I'm in desperate need at this point. At least it is picked up for the deep clean. It's going to feel good. I'm going to sleep soooo good tomorrow night with my clean house.
Graduation was fun, but the crowd wore me out. I took a Xanex after the event, and then I had another Xanex plus a margarita (ok, 2) before dinner as I was having my freak out over my nasty house. Call me a drug addict. I don't care. Sometimes that is the only way I can survive the daily grind.
I'm glad I don't have 4 kids. I'm in awe of people who have more than 2. Especially that are close in age. I might fall right off the deep end.
Oh- side note: is it ok to call in to work to clean a dirty house? I'm entertaining the idea of it.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Warning: Ambien Onboard
I know I've posted before about blogging under the influence of Ambien. This is a fair warning, I just swallowed my Ambien and one Melatonin. Know this before/during/after reading anything blogged from here until tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow is Random Thoughts Day. If you are a BHB Mom, this is for you. Anything I respond to tomorrow will be signed off by a random thought. If you are not a BHB Mom- ignore this. Pretend you didn't read it.
For my birthday, I want comments. Don't worry about a gift. I don't even need a card. Leave me comments. For the record, my birthday is the entire month of May. Add in the first two days in June because I was stuck at a "strategic planning retreat" for two days last week. Those two days do not count as My Birthday. I will remind all of you again as the big day gets closer. It is May 29th for anyone who did not know. Again, gifts and cards are not necessary.
I don't want comments that say "Happy Birthday". I want to know specific things that you ADORE about me. You can tell me that you think I'm super cute or that I'm funny or that you think I'm cool or that you wish we could hang out IRL or that my girls look JUST like me and nothing like their Daddylicious. If you are my baby daddy, you can leave me a comment about any and all of the above PLUS some other things you love about me.
We'll talk about all of that again later. If you need ideas about what to say, just leave me a comment and tell me you can't think of anything and I'll think up something for you to tell me.
Tomorrow is Random Thoughts Day. If you are a BHB Mom, this is for you. Anything I respond to tomorrow will be signed off by a random thought. If you are not a BHB Mom- ignore this. Pretend you didn't read it.
For my birthday, I want comments. Don't worry about a gift. I don't even need a card. Leave me comments. For the record, my birthday is the entire month of May. Add in the first two days in June because I was stuck at a "strategic planning retreat" for two days last week. Those two days do not count as My Birthday. I will remind all of you again as the big day gets closer. It is May 29th for anyone who did not know. Again, gifts and cards are not necessary.
I don't want comments that say "Happy Birthday". I want to know specific things that you ADORE about me. You can tell me that you think I'm super cute or that I'm funny or that you think I'm cool or that you wish we could hang out IRL or that my girls look JUST like me and nothing like their Daddylicious. If you are my baby daddy, you can leave me a comment about any and all of the above PLUS some other things you love about me.
We'll talk about all of that again later. If you need ideas about what to say, just leave me a comment and tell me you can't think of anything and I'll think up something for you to tell me.
Sometimes
Sometimes, I just want it to be quiet. There are times (lots of times) when I don't want to spell out every word I say. Sometimes, I don't want to say what number comes after the number 4. I would like very much to take a bath in total silence.... or go to the bathroom without two girls hot on my trail. Sometimes I don't want to hear my name (they call me Momma). It's really hick sounding. I *never* wanted to be called Momma. I didn't call my mom Momma. I called her Mommy, and I still do. When I was PG and people would comment on the "new momma", I would correct them and say that the baby wouldn't call me that. It's Mommy, thank you very much. Sometimes, I just want them to call me Mommy (or better yet, don't call me at all). They don't. They say Momma about four hundred thousand times (in a row). When I answer, "yes", Chandler has to make something up real quick because she really didn't have anything to say in the first place.
It's like they have a sense that I'm just "this close" to releasing them out the front door. Just go- I'll say. That hasn't worked on my cats, so I doubt it will work on my offspring.
Tomorrow is graduation day! BLM is excited. But, we just got a call from her teacher. We have to sign a form that says that Mrs. Teacher does not recommend BLM to move to 1st grade. This is something DL and I have talked about since we knew we were having an August baby. We knew that we did not want her to start 1st grade as a 5 year old. (More like, we don't want a 17 year old starting college, but same concept.) We are moving BLM to a different school system that has a T-1 program. This has been in our plan for her education all along. We've talked to Mrs. Teacher about it and we've talked to Mrs. New School Principal about it. We've talked to lots of other friends, teachers, random people- and all of them have confirmed that this is the right thing to do for her.
Still. I don't really think I like that I have to go sign a form saying that she shouldn't go to 1st grade. WTF is wrong with me? Is that normal? I mean, I don't WANT her going to the 1st grade in the fall. Why do I feel like this?
I don't like it this feeling.
It's like they have a sense that I'm just "this close" to releasing them out the front door. Just go- I'll say. That hasn't worked on my cats, so I doubt it will work on my offspring.
Tomorrow is graduation day! BLM is excited. But, we just got a call from her teacher. We have to sign a form that says that Mrs. Teacher does not recommend BLM to move to 1st grade. This is something DL and I have talked about since we knew we were having an August baby. We knew that we did not want her to start 1st grade as a 5 year old. (More like, we don't want a 17 year old starting college, but same concept.) We are moving BLM to a different school system that has a T-1 program. This has been in our plan for her education all along. We've talked to Mrs. Teacher about it and we've talked to Mrs. New School Principal about it. We've talked to lots of other friends, teachers, random people- and all of them have confirmed that this is the right thing to do for her.
Still. I don't really think I like that I have to go sign a form saying that she shouldn't go to 1st grade. WTF is wrong with me? Is that normal? I mean, I don't WANT her going to the 1st grade in the fall. Why do I feel like this?
I don't like it this feeling.
Tastee Treats?
Just a few photos before I have to get ready for work!
The first- That's a dead carp. It had been there for quite some time. I wanted to pick it up and toss it away from where the girls were playing. Plus, it was funny. There were actually two that I picked up and tossed to the side. I love BLM's look!
This next picture is the same baby that hated the boat last summer. Look at her! She is going to fit right in after all. She even took her naps on the boat. Weather cooperating, this is the first of many treasured weekends at Little Glasses on Lake Texoma. But- A Warning- Do not try to buy beer on the Texass side of the lake. Texass sucks.
I wish I could write more, but this will have to do for now!
**Edited to Add**
Texass has some wonky laws about wet/dry counties. Okla-by-God-homa has the wonky laws, too, but not selling beer on the lake?? ON THE LAKE? Hello.
The first- That's a dead carp. It had been there for quite some time. I wanted to pick it up and toss it away from where the girls were playing. Plus, it was funny. There were actually two that I picked up and tossed to the side. I love BLM's look!
This next picture is the same baby that hated the boat last summer. Look at her! She is going to fit right in after all. She even took her naps on the boat. Weather cooperating, this is the first of many treasured weekends at Little Glasses on Lake Texoma. But- A Warning- Do not try to buy beer on the Texass side of the lake. Texass sucks.
There are no words for how cute this Big Little Mama is. She only wore the do rag for the picture, but that's all that counts. Dig her striped Bikini... from WAL MART! You know, Wal Mart eats babies... but we still take risks and go there. **edited** did you dig my typo? I'm so WTish.
I wish I could write more, but this will have to do for now!
**Edited to Add**
Texass has some wonky laws about wet/dry counties. Okla-by-God-homa has the wonky laws, too, but not selling beer on the lake?? ON THE LAKE? Hello.
Sasha- I'm proud that I got you hoxy-fied for the first time ever at Little Glasses Resort and Marina on Beautiful Lake Texoma. Hoxy (or hoxie) is the Choctaw word for drunk.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
In Case You Had Doubts About My Skills
We are home from a heavenly weekend at the lake. There was boating, beer, boating, beer, sun, fun, and good good good times. None of us wanted to leave. In fact, we prolonged the stay as long as we could. We didn't get home until 7:30 pm.
Just so you know that I am the man, I have managed to:
Unpack
Do laundry
Sweep floors
Put clean sheets on all 3 beds (YESSSS!)
Sweep
And that is just THUS FAR.... There is still dusting, vacuuming, lunch making, dish putting away-ing, bath taking, and perhaps some extra-size on the cycle. The BLM asked me if there was a baby in my tummy again, and I'm afraid that she's right. It looks as though there is a baby in there. A baby made of beer. That's gotta go! My ass is working that shit off.
DL worked his ass off all weekend and we missed him so much. He can hold it down at the lake, and that's when the serious stuff happens!
There will be pictures. They will be adorable and funny- can't wait to share them!
Shannon and Lacy- please post your boat stories. I know you can both get down with the get down.
Just so you know that I am the man, I have managed to:
Unpack
Do laundry
Sweep floors
Put clean sheets on all 3 beds (YESSSS!)
Sweep
And that is just THUS FAR.... There is still dusting, vacuuming, lunch making, dish putting away-ing, bath taking, and perhaps some extra-size on the cycle. The BLM asked me if there was a baby in my tummy again, and I'm afraid that she's right. It looks as though there is a baby in there. A baby made of beer. That's gotta go! My ass is working that shit off.
DL worked his ass off all weekend and we missed him so much. He can hold it down at the lake, and that's when the serious stuff happens!
There will be pictures. They will be adorable and funny- can't wait to share them!
Shannon and Lacy- please post your boat stories. I know you can both get down with the get down.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Will You Miss Me?
I've decided to head south for some lake time. Just in case I'm not here to entertain you tonight or maybe not again until Sunday... I'm just enjoying some lake time with the LM's and my parents. DL has to work, so we won't stay home and mope. The girls and I will get in our bikini's and head out on the lake. There may be pictures.
Casey- Welcome to my blog and keep reading. I appreciate you coming back. It is to be spoken of no more. I have lots of love and I'm fairly well-medicated. Most things don't crawl right up my ass like that, and I was simply overly sensitive since I had been missing my Momma's. And, your position with your neighbors was on your mind. When worlds collide! (ever see that episode of Spongebob?) Rock on with your SAHM duties. You work your ass off, and you are a blessing to your neighbors like Shannon said. Ask them to watch your kids on a Saturday so you can take off and do whatever you want :o)
It is going to be a beautiful weekend here in Okla by God Homa. I hope all of you get some outside time. Drink a beer or a glass of wine. Lacey- enjoy your trip to the river with your friends and post some pictures. Pour out a little for your homey, k?
Love and Peace-
Mamalicious
Casey- Welcome to my blog and keep reading. I appreciate you coming back. It is to be spoken of no more. I have lots of love and I'm fairly well-medicated. Most things don't crawl right up my ass like that, and I was simply overly sensitive since I had been missing my Momma's. And, your position with your neighbors was on your mind. When worlds collide! (ever see that episode of Spongebob?) Rock on with your SAHM duties. You work your ass off, and you are a blessing to your neighbors like Shannon said. Ask them to watch your kids on a Saturday so you can take off and do whatever you want :o)
It is going to be a beautiful weekend here in Okla by God Homa. I hope all of you get some outside time. Drink a beer or a glass of wine. Lacey- enjoy your trip to the river with your friends and post some pictures. Pour out a little for your homey, k?
Love and Peace-
Mamalicious
Spotlight Dance
When I first started this blog, I knew that there would come a day for me to talk about Intratainment. The word was created by me (unlike multi-slacking, I stole that from buzzwhack.com).
Intratainment is the ability to entertain myself inside of my brain. It is a gift. I can make myself laugh and my imagination is pretty inventive. I am glad that no one else can know what goes on inside of my mind. But, I will share this nugget.
I always thought that the Olympic Ribbon Dancing event was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life. I remember a commercial when I was young about the Ribbon Dancer- and I hated it and wanted one at the same time. I never did get one, but in my mind.... I could see myself in a leotard doing the Ribbon Dance.
The thought intratained me a lot through the years (it still does). I could be very artistic and jazzy and point my toes and KICK... and twirling my ribbon and dancing! The thought tickles me and makes me laugh out loud. I would sort of want to be wearing a headband and matching wrist bands. Purple, probably... with a silver stretchy sequined belt.... do you see it?
DL and I went to a wedding quite a few years ago. It was a fun time seeing college friends and drinking. After the (open bar) reception, everyone decided to go back to the hotel bar. There was a small dance floor, a mirror, and loud music. There were the 9 or 10 beers inside of me, and I did the Ribbon Dance out on the dance floor (by myself).
It was funny. I laughed at everyone laughing at me. We were out of town, so no one knew me besides our college friends... I kept thinking- I am "that girl" right now. You know, the one out on the dance floor that is really thinking she's looking good but all she looks like is very drunk. That was me and I knew it and it made me want to act out even more.
I am pretty sure that DL was mortified by my actions. He's probably hoped that I had forgotten all about it and is embarrassed for me for putting it out there.
I also haven't forgotten about the time when Lori and I were at a wedding reception (open bar). We were dancing and dancing and dancing and she pulled down my strapless bridesmaids gown and exposed my ta-dows in front of the brides new father in law. Impressive! Thanks, Lori! Good times, good times.
I wonder if the Lil Momma's will be shy like me?
Intratainment is the ability to entertain myself inside of my brain. It is a gift. I can make myself laugh and my imagination is pretty inventive. I am glad that no one else can know what goes on inside of my mind. But, I will share this nugget.
I always thought that the Olympic Ribbon Dancing event was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life. I remember a commercial when I was young about the Ribbon Dancer- and I hated it and wanted one at the same time. I never did get one, but in my mind.... I could see myself in a leotard doing the Ribbon Dance.
The thought intratained me a lot through the years (it still does). I could be very artistic and jazzy and point my toes and KICK... and twirling my ribbon and dancing! The thought tickles me and makes me laugh out loud. I would sort of want to be wearing a headband and matching wrist bands. Purple, probably... with a silver stretchy sequined belt.... do you see it?
DL and I went to a wedding quite a few years ago. It was a fun time seeing college friends and drinking. After the (open bar) reception, everyone decided to go back to the hotel bar. There was a small dance floor, a mirror, and loud music. There were the 9 or 10 beers inside of me, and I did the Ribbon Dance out on the dance floor (by myself).
It was funny. I laughed at everyone laughing at me. We were out of town, so no one knew me besides our college friends... I kept thinking- I am "that girl" right now. You know, the one out on the dance floor that is really thinking she's looking good but all she looks like is very drunk. That was me and I knew it and it made me want to act out even more.
I am pretty sure that DL was mortified by my actions. He's probably hoped that I had forgotten all about it and is embarrassed for me for putting it out there.
I also haven't forgotten about the time when Lori and I were at a wedding reception (open bar). We were dancing and dancing and dancing and she pulled down my strapless bridesmaids gown and exposed my ta-dows in front of the brides new father in law. Impressive! Thanks, Lori! Good times, good times.
I wonder if the Lil Momma's will be shy like me?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Salvation Came
Right to my front door today. She's 5 and she lives about 3 houses away. I wish I could keep her for always. Look at me- blogging before 9:00pm! Three girls are playing nicely in the playroom. It is the best. I don't think I will give her back to her parents. They have a set of twins, anyhow- so no big deal donating this one to me, right?
I was very impressed and astonished to read the multitudes of posts re: my anonymous poster. I had no idea that I had a posse. Anonymous poster said she regretted her words, and I admitted to being "touchy" so it's all good in the hood. I accept her apology with my whole heart.
I still want to be a motivational speaker. I have the hand gestures down and some really cute shoes... People would probably pay the big bucks to hear what I have to say.
My right contact is stuck up in my eyeball and I can't get it out. I don't know what to do to get it out of there. Could it travel up into my brain? I really have had brain damage today. At first I thought it was loss of brain cells due to the strategery I went through on Tuesday and Wednesday. After giving it another thought, I think that my right contact has been sucked right up into my brain. I'm not real sure what to do about it, either.
I was very impressed and astonished to read the multitudes of posts re: my anonymous poster. I had no idea that I had a posse. Anonymous poster said she regretted her words, and I admitted to being "touchy" so it's all good in the hood. I accept her apology with my whole heart.
I still want to be a motivational speaker. I have the hand gestures down and some really cute shoes... People would probably pay the big bucks to hear what I have to say.
My right contact is stuck up in my eyeball and I can't get it out. I don't know what to do to get it out of there. Could it travel up into my brain? I really have had brain damage today. At first I thought it was loss of brain cells due to the strategery I went through on Tuesday and Wednesday. After giving it another thought, I think that my right contact has been sucked right up into my brain. I'm not real sure what to do about it, either.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Thanks, Anonomyous Poster!
Thanks for your "feel good" comment to me, after I have spent 2 days away from my family. It really made me feel great... I just really love that you would post it under no name, and proclaim your judgements to me, a working mom who is proud to be able to balance work and life. It wasn't easy to get where I am professionally and mentally. Comments like this are designed to bring me down a notch and make your choices better than mine.
So, for the world to see, here are your kind words for me:
I had to comment on this. I am glad you have found a way to balance both. However, I am a stay at home mom so I can be available to my children while they are young, knowing that I have decades ahead of me to dedicate to a career. Most moms in my neighborhood work and I can't tell you the number of times that at all of these families have had to call me begging me to pick up their sick kids at school, or say they are stuck in traffic and could I please get their kids off the bus, or having the kids get off the bus and come to my house crying because their mom forgot to put the "daycare note" in their backpacks and no one is home for them. It is heartbreaking. I just wish some of these parents that pat themselves on the back for their strong "work ethic" invested a little more into their "parenting ethics" for these kids instead of burdening other friends/neighbors/granparents etc.
Please allow me to elaborate on why this comment is so delightful. You do not know me, and you do not know that my parenting ethics are my first priority. You do not know that I have worked hard to be a place in life where in my organization family comes first. No questions asked. Sick kid? Swim Class? Class Field Trip? Thanksgiving Program? Valentine's Party? Momma is there.
As far as burdening my friends/neighbors/grandparents- uh no. Never. I have never done this and never will. Maybe you have shitty neighbors. Maybe you shouldn't help them if it makes you resentful. Maybe you shouldn't be judgemental towards someone you don't know. Maybe you should feel good that a working mom can have it all. Maybe you don't feel like you have it all. I don't know, but you made me feel like shit and I wanted to let you know. So, THANKS! Job well done, poster who can't even post her own name.
So, for the world to see, here are your kind words for me:
I had to comment on this. I am glad you have found a way to balance both. However, I am a stay at home mom so I can be available to my children while they are young, knowing that I have decades ahead of me to dedicate to a career. Most moms in my neighborhood work and I can't tell you the number of times that at all of these families have had to call me begging me to pick up their sick kids at school, or say they are stuck in traffic and could I please get their kids off the bus, or having the kids get off the bus and come to my house crying because their mom forgot to put the "daycare note" in their backpacks and no one is home for them. It is heartbreaking. I just wish some of these parents that pat themselves on the back for their strong "work ethic" invested a little more into their "parenting ethics" for these kids instead of burdening other friends/neighbors/granparents etc.
Please allow me to elaborate on why this comment is so delightful. You do not know me, and you do not know that my parenting ethics are my first priority. You do not know that I have worked hard to be a place in life where in my organization family comes first. No questions asked. Sick kid? Swim Class? Class Field Trip? Thanksgiving Program? Valentine's Party? Momma is there.
As far as burdening my friends/neighbors/grandparents- uh no. Never. I have never done this and never will. Maybe you have shitty neighbors. Maybe you shouldn't help them if it makes you resentful. Maybe you shouldn't be judgemental towards someone you don't know. Maybe you should feel good that a working mom can have it all. Maybe you don't feel like you have it all. I don't know, but you made me feel like shit and I wanted to let you know. So, THANKS! Job well done, poster who can't even post her own name.
I Made it Out Alive
Whew, strategery is hard work. I never knew that we could discuss the same thing in fourteen different ways! Well, I really did know- but I go in with expectations that "this time it will be different". It's never different. It's always the same.
I can't go in to details. It is top secret tribal business. However, rest assured that most tasks that are assigned to me are almost complete. Thank God. The world is a safer place because I know how to manage my time and complete the tasks that are assigned to me.
All I did was eat good food (make bad choices) for 2 days. That's over. Tonight. After a Diet Dr. Pepper and some pork rinds for dinner.
Diet is a go for tomorrow. Rock on.
I can't go in to details. It is top secret tribal business. However, rest assured that most tasks that are assigned to me are almost complete. Thank God. The world is a safer place because I know how to manage my time and complete the tasks that are assigned to me.
All I did was eat good food (make bad choices) for 2 days. That's over. Tonight. After a Diet Dr. Pepper and some pork rinds for dinner.
Diet is a go for tomorrow. Rock on.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Tomorrow for Haulee
Gawd, it's going to be bad.I'm equipped with happy pills. Hopefully, they will take the pain away.
I Need to Say:
Post Mother's Day has me thinking about Mom's that are in my life.
First, my mom. She is the most supportive person in the world. She is my best friend. I aim to be just like her in regards of raising my girls to be my friends while letting them learn their own mistakes. I'll let them go, but I know they'll always come back to me the way I came back to my Momma.
Secondly, I work with amazing working moms. This is so key in my strong feelings about being a working mom. My boss has 3 kids (one set of twins). She is in the final stages of getting her PhD. I have so much respect for her work/family balance. Every woman I work with is very positive about her choice to work and her ability to care for her family, too. If I was not surrounded by positive people, I don't know if I would feel so good about my choices.
This brings me to what I really want to do with my life. I really want to share my story with women who are thinking of having a family and working. Not everyone has a choice, but even if you don't have a choice you can still feel REALLY good about the balance of your life. It isn't always easy. Staying at home with your children isn't easy, either, and it is all about balance. If you are happy with what you do, your children are going to FEEL it.
I want for my girls to have career aspirations. I want them to do what makes them happy. I would love it if they wanted to be working moms (like me) and be in a career that is satisfying yet allows them to have a family. Women can have it all. I would love it if they wanted to start their family after college and stay home. As long as they are happy and adjusted, I don't care what they want to do.
I'm thinking about what I can do to present my experience to other women. I do have a really good platform with the company I work for. I think I could make this happen. Would anyone be willing to listen? I don't know, but a girl can always dream. After all, all I need is a microphone and a stage and I'm happy!
First, my mom. She is the most supportive person in the world. She is my best friend. I aim to be just like her in regards of raising my girls to be my friends while letting them learn their own mistakes. I'll let them go, but I know they'll always come back to me the way I came back to my Momma.
Secondly, I work with amazing working moms. This is so key in my strong feelings about being a working mom. My boss has 3 kids (one set of twins). She is in the final stages of getting her PhD. I have so much respect for her work/family balance. Every woman I work with is very positive about her choice to work and her ability to care for her family, too. If I was not surrounded by positive people, I don't know if I would feel so good about my choices.
This brings me to what I really want to do with my life. I really want to share my story with women who are thinking of having a family and working. Not everyone has a choice, but even if you don't have a choice you can still feel REALLY good about the balance of your life. It isn't always easy. Staying at home with your children isn't easy, either, and it is all about balance. If you are happy with what you do, your children are going to FEEL it.
I want for my girls to have career aspirations. I want them to do what makes them happy. I would love it if they wanted to be working moms (like me) and be in a career that is satisfying yet allows them to have a family. Women can have it all. I would love it if they wanted to start their family after college and stay home. As long as they are happy and adjusted, I don't care what they want to do.
I'm thinking about what I can do to present my experience to other women. I do have a really good platform with the company I work for. I think I could make this happen. Would anyone be willing to listen? I don't know, but a girl can always dream. After all, all I need is a microphone and a stage and I'm happy!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
The Month of May
Happy Mother's Day! I hope all of my Mommy friends had an enjoyable weekend. May is a very special month. It starts off with Cinco De Mayo- a great reason to drink Margaritas and eat guacamole!
Next is Mother's Day! This weekend should be spent doing only things that Mothers like to do, you know- cleaning and laundry and junk. No, not really. This weekend for me included 2 days of sleeping in and a big nap on Saturday! Since DL was working this weekend (bummer), the girls and I went to the lake with my parents. I did nothing but eat, which was really fun at the time but right now, after the fact, I've decided that I wish I would have stuck to my good-choices plan. Oh well. The good choices will start again tomorrow!
Following Mother's Day- we have the entire month to celebrate the anniversary of my 21st birthday! We celebrate ALL MONTH. Everyone is invited. I do exactly as I please to do, I shop, I do whatever makes me happy and the excuse is that it is my birthday! Why limit this to just one day? Why? It does fall on the 29th, should any of you be wondering- but go ahead and drink an extra drink and say it was in honor of me! On my actual birthday, everyone will honor me by doing exactly as I want. Usually, I torture Darren by making him do what I want to do at the lake. I don't know if he'll be able to come this year, but I'll find someone to glom onto and I'll make them do exactly what I want. No grumbling or fussing, or I will go all Kelly Osborne on their ass and quote (in an English accent), "BUT IT's MY BIIIIRTHDAY!" Kelly actually put the f word in there, and I might have to depending on who is around.
Do you know what is in store for me on Tuesday and Wednesday? A special kind of torture called "Strategic Planning." I have to go out of town with my fellow managers so we can have STRATEGERY. This means assigning tasks to people (mostly me and 2 other people), and having to review what strategic planning means to those of our team who might be elderly and have forgotten about when we had STRATEGERY last February. Oh, I can't wait.
Those 2 days do NOT count as part of my birthday, so my birthday will extend two days into the month of June. Gifts are not necessary. Just lots of praise and telling me how cute and tan I am, and telling me that you can see that I've lost weight (even if that is just a lie, because whatever I did lose is right back with me after this weekend.)
Next is Mother's Day! This weekend should be spent doing only things that Mothers like to do, you know- cleaning and laundry and junk. No, not really. This weekend for me included 2 days of sleeping in and a big nap on Saturday! Since DL was working this weekend (bummer), the girls and I went to the lake with my parents. I did nothing but eat, which was really fun at the time but right now, after the fact, I've decided that I wish I would have stuck to my good-choices plan. Oh well. The good choices will start again tomorrow!
Following Mother's Day- we have the entire month to celebrate the anniversary of my 21st birthday! We celebrate ALL MONTH. Everyone is invited. I do exactly as I please to do, I shop, I do whatever makes me happy and the excuse is that it is my birthday! Why limit this to just one day? Why? It does fall on the 29th, should any of you be wondering- but go ahead and drink an extra drink and say it was in honor of me! On my actual birthday, everyone will honor me by doing exactly as I want. Usually, I torture Darren by making him do what I want to do at the lake. I don't know if he'll be able to come this year, but I'll find someone to glom onto and I'll make them do exactly what I want. No grumbling or fussing, or I will go all Kelly Osborne on their ass and quote (in an English accent), "BUT IT's MY BIIIIRTHDAY!" Kelly actually put the f word in there, and I might have to depending on who is around.
Do you know what is in store for me on Tuesday and Wednesday? A special kind of torture called "Strategic Planning." I have to go out of town with my fellow managers so we can have STRATEGERY. This means assigning tasks to people (mostly me and 2 other people), and having to review what strategic planning means to those of our team who might be elderly and have forgotten about when we had STRATEGERY last February. Oh, I can't wait.
Those 2 days do NOT count as part of my birthday, so my birthday will extend two days into the month of June. Gifts are not necessary. Just lots of praise and telling me how cute and tan I am, and telling me that you can see that I've lost weight (even if that is just a lie, because whatever I did lose is right back with me after this weekend.)
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Spring in Okla-By-God-Homa
Dear Fellow Okies,
All of us love a good thunderstorm and severe weather gets us really excited. We all love to watch Val Caster chase the tornado's and shout, "WE HAVE DEBRIS!!!" Gary England is a God, we all love him. Springtime really is a lot of fun here.
I want everyone in Oklahoma to make a mental note: Please don't go on the news talking about the storm that took out your grille. Don't let them film you saying how scared you were and how it sounded like a freight train. You make the rest of us look like idiots. You can't even fix your hair before you go on camera? Please. Just skip it. It always turns out bad. "I sawl it! It wuz headed right fer us. I tole Momma to get down in thu cellur!! But I wanted to get it on the cam corder so I could give it to Gary."
I can't even watch storm chasing and storm footage anymore. BLM is obsessed with "the cold air mixing with the hot". She asks me almost every other day if the cold air is mixing with the hot. The wind blows and she wants to know if the cold is mixing with the hot. Thank you, Kindergarten, for putting my daughter in the boys bathroom during the tornado drill. Yes, it is necessary but it sure conjured up a lot of questions and concerns at my house. We can't talk about anything JUST ONE TIME. We have to have ongoing discussion about every single topic. It doesn't matter what the topic is, we have to talk about it 16 times and in 16 different ways. It makes me tired.
Looks like we made it through the day without any "official" tornado action. Too bad. I really would have come home to watch the coverage. It's fun.
All of us love a good thunderstorm and severe weather gets us really excited. We all love to watch Val Caster chase the tornado's and shout, "WE HAVE DEBRIS!!!" Gary England is a God, we all love him. Springtime really is a lot of fun here.
I want everyone in Oklahoma to make a mental note: Please don't go on the news talking about the storm that took out your grille. Don't let them film you saying how scared you were and how it sounded like a freight train. You make the rest of us look like idiots. You can't even fix your hair before you go on camera? Please. Just skip it. It always turns out bad. "I sawl it! It wuz headed right fer us. I tole Momma to get down in thu cellur!! But I wanted to get it on the cam corder so I could give it to Gary."
I can't even watch storm chasing and storm footage anymore. BLM is obsessed with "the cold air mixing with the hot". She asks me almost every other day if the cold air is mixing with the hot. The wind blows and she wants to know if the cold is mixing with the hot. Thank you, Kindergarten, for putting my daughter in the boys bathroom during the tornado drill. Yes, it is necessary but it sure conjured up a lot of questions and concerns at my house. We can't talk about anything JUST ONE TIME. We have to have ongoing discussion about every single topic. It doesn't matter what the topic is, we have to talk about it 16 times and in 16 different ways. It makes me tired.
Looks like we made it through the day without any "official" tornado action. Too bad. I really would have come home to watch the coverage. It's fun.
EDITED TO ADD:
5-11-08
We went to Soldier Creek on Lake Texoma this weekend. The marina suffered some tornado damage a few weeks ago, and the "debris" is still in the water. It is a twisted wreck of a boat dock, with boats upside down under the water. Since the Big Lil Mama was with us, we had to refer to it as "wind damage" so that she did not hear the T-Word.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
I'm Going to be a Sister Wife
I am impressed with my proposal to become Ashley's Sister Wife and my rider being taken seriously.
Allow me to copy/paste with my responses to this negotiation process. Here is Ashley's Rider in response to the Mamalicous Rider:
--Diet Dr. Pepper, fine, but don't you dare take the last one. It is also my beverage of choice when I'm not on Coke. By the way, I am back on Coke and my waistline is reflecting that. So much for that Master Cleanse (aka the flu) I did earlier this year.
I don't even take my own last Diet Dr. Pepper. I make sure I have back up. This isn't an issue.
--Porkrinds, whatever. That's disgusting, but a small concession.
Thank you.
--Peanut butter and wireless internetz--always. Come on, it's the Ashley household. Of course we have peanut butter and wireless internetz.
YES! Heaven on Earth... wireless internetz, peanut butter, Diet Dr. Pepper!
--Michelob Ultra...is a small problem. We would have to have three brands of beer in the house at all times, 4 if we kept your husband (another point entirely). Also, what is up with you two drinking sissy beer? Is this an Oklahoma thing? Please consider Amstel, Heineken, or Heineken Light, for convenience sake. How are you on wine? If you drink wine, we're good.
Uh, no can do. Can't drink any of those other flavors. I will stop drinking altogether if I have to. You can teach me to drink wine. I don't like it right now, but I hear it is an acquired taste. I'll go for it if it will benefit the relationship. I'm a giver.
--Petron, Ambien, Lexapro and Xanax, all fine, just hide them from Mr. Ashley. We don't want to share.
No problem. I didn't really think I would share those things anyway.
--I can take or leave country music, so since it is so important to you, I'll live without it. That is not a biggie. Oh wait, what about Johnny Cash? Hmm, we may have to further discuss this one and outline specifics.
Johnny Cash is fine with me. But, I must be very extra drunk.
--Going to bed early--this is fine, actually it should work out well. Mr. Ashley goes to bed very early and it seems wrong for a married couple to always go to bed at different times. So you and him can just go together and that solves that.
But does he sleep with the TV on? This is important to me, too.
--A&E--Perfect! I love documentaries and true crime shows, so we're good there.
I also like to watch Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.
Now you seem to have missed the part of the proposal where I really only invited you and one daughter. Not a husband. Why would anyone want a brother-husband?? There's a reason more cultures aren't trying to get away with that one. Just for the fun of it, what is his average turn around time on picture hanging?
Uh oh. Turn around time on picture hanging- close to never. I take care of these things. The thing is, I really do like DL a lot and I have gotten "kind of" attached to the Little Lil Momma. I'd be fine with a shared relationship type of situation. I think we can work this out with your condo proposal.
I was thinking maybe he could rent our condo, for like market rent + $500, and keep your youngest daughter there with him. And pay child support on the older one, who we would keep. He could come over on the weekends and keep Mr. Ashley entertained and they could watch the kids while we go downtown, get sloshed, and only have a $4 cab ride back to the condo, because it's close. Maybe we'd even all go on vacation together once a year. Also, he could come out on the boat with us, we need men to carry our stuff to the beach.
This is good thinking. I like this a lot. Maybe Mr. Ashley and Daddylicious and the kids should live in the condo and the Sister Wives could live at your house. We could beckon them when we need them for things and to bring us stuff. Just think how much fun it will be to live free without the usual demands of traditional family life! I'm thinking more people are going to want to get in on this type of family structure.
Your cats are definitely not coming, sorry. I'm really not thrilled about the dog either. I was thinking maybe it and our white German Shepherd, Lily, could move outside together. This would make the situation truly ideal for all of us.
Cats- I want to get rid of them anyway.
Dog- Can go live with my parents because she likes them better anyway.
I don't know what to say about the situation with the anal glands. Personally, I would've left that out of proposal negotiations, but let me tell you right here and now that I will not be having anything to do with your dog's anal glands, nor will I be hearing about it. Ever.
See Above.
Here are my demands, aka the Ashley Rider:
--I prefer not to share the blanket. I sleep with a down comforter all year round and would rather not compete for blanket footage. You can either share with Mr. Ashley, or we'll just have three blankets.
This is fine. I must insist on clean bedding (for the entire household) each week. If you want, I can just sleep on the couch. I don't mind. I'll still make sure all of the bedding is clean. We will celebrate Clean Sheet Day on Friday or Saturday (sometimes Sunday, it just depends on how the weekend shakes down).
--I sleep with the tv on. Usually around 4ish I wake up and turn it off, but this is non-negotiable.
So do I. I really like to fall asleep watching "Lock Up" on MSNBC. I really don't mind what is on as long as it isn't baseball. I can't stand the sound of a baseball game.
--I do not wake up early. I do not hear crying children while asleep.
Fine. I wake up early. You are well aware that some times my days start at 4am. I get alot done during this time.
--I do not cook. I don't know how. Expect me to call you at work asking how long it takes to microwave a hotdog. I CANNOT operate the microwave without explicit instructions from someone else on how many seconds. Mr. Ashley will probably do most of the cooking. We're a big "breakfast for dinner" sort of family.
Here is what I can offer in the way of cooking skills: grilled cheese, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, anything out of a box or can. We can just get frozen shit and call it good. I love Brinner (breakfast for dinner).
--or clean.
I do this. I like to. It might get on your nerves, but we can work that out.
--Some days I just NEED a nap. You will realize that it is far better to let me go take one for an hour, than to try to keep me up and deal with the consequences.
Fine. As long as the kids are napping or resting quietly. I like to nap too. It's like a sport for lazy people.
--I don't handle mail, calls, or knocks at the door. Mr. Ashley will probably continue dealing with this.
Me no likey phone calls or knocks at the door. Mr. Ashley can continue with this duty.
--I take baths that are rarely shorter than one hour. They are necessary. They cannot be interrupted.
I dig it. In fact, I have to have a bath every night. I have to shave my legs EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT. This is not negotiable.
--Stay away from my hairdresser. Her and I share a sacred bond, and I won't have you and your chunky highlights fucking that up for me.
Fine. I'll bring my hairdresser with me.
--Do not agree with Mr. Ashley, ever. Also, if I want to bitch about him, don't say things like "At least he changes diapers". If someone wants to bitch about me not cooking, no one is stumbling all over themselves to say "Well, at least she changes diapers." Yes, he is basically a good guy and I'm lucky to have him. He still pisses me off all of the time and I expect your unconditional support in any and all matters that pertain to him and anything annoying he might do.
I've got your back on this one.
I think that's it. I really think you would love it here and both of our blogs would benefit, not to mention our social lives. You would work and clean, Mr. Ashley would deal with the outside world and cook, and I would dazzle us all daily with my wit, intelligence and charm.
So what do you say?
My answer is yes. There are a few negotiations that we are going to have to work through, though. Please take note of my comments in red.
It's going to be great. I love the beach. I love the boat. I think we share just enough things in common and have just the right amount of differences to REALLY make this plural marriage thing work.
Let me know. I want to plan the nuptials and the honeymoon right away.
Allow me to copy/paste with my responses to this negotiation process. Here is Ashley's Rider in response to the Mamalicous Rider:
--Diet Dr. Pepper, fine, but don't you dare take the last one. It is also my beverage of choice when I'm not on Coke. By the way, I am back on Coke and my waistline is reflecting that. So much for that Master Cleanse (aka the flu) I did earlier this year.
I don't even take my own last Diet Dr. Pepper. I make sure I have back up. This isn't an issue.
--Porkrinds, whatever. That's disgusting, but a small concession.
Thank you.
--Peanut butter and wireless internetz--always. Come on, it's the Ashley household. Of course we have peanut butter and wireless internetz.
YES! Heaven on Earth... wireless internetz, peanut butter, Diet Dr. Pepper!
--Michelob Ultra...is a small problem. We would have to have three brands of beer in the house at all times, 4 if we kept your husband (another point entirely). Also, what is up with you two drinking sissy beer? Is this an Oklahoma thing? Please consider Amstel, Heineken, or Heineken Light, for convenience sake. How are you on wine? If you drink wine, we're good.
Uh, no can do. Can't drink any of those other flavors. I will stop drinking altogether if I have to. You can teach me to drink wine. I don't like it right now, but I hear it is an acquired taste. I'll go for it if it will benefit the relationship. I'm a giver.
--Petron, Ambien, Lexapro and Xanax, all fine, just hide them from Mr. Ashley. We don't want to share.
No problem. I didn't really think I would share those things anyway.
--I can take or leave country music, so since it is so important to you, I'll live without it. That is not a biggie. Oh wait, what about Johnny Cash? Hmm, we may have to further discuss this one and outline specifics.
Johnny Cash is fine with me. But, I must be very extra drunk.
--Going to bed early--this is fine, actually it should work out well. Mr. Ashley goes to bed very early and it seems wrong for a married couple to always go to bed at different times. So you and him can just go together and that solves that.
But does he sleep with the TV on? This is important to me, too.
--A&E--Perfect! I love documentaries and true crime shows, so we're good there.
I also like to watch Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.
Now you seem to have missed the part of the proposal where I really only invited you and one daughter. Not a husband. Why would anyone want a brother-husband?? There's a reason more cultures aren't trying to get away with that one. Just for the fun of it, what is his average turn around time on picture hanging?
Uh oh. Turn around time on picture hanging- close to never. I take care of these things. The thing is, I really do like DL a lot and I have gotten "kind of" attached to the Little Lil Momma. I'd be fine with a shared relationship type of situation. I think we can work this out with your condo proposal.
I was thinking maybe he could rent our condo, for like market rent + $500, and keep your youngest daughter there with him. And pay child support on the older one, who we would keep. He could come over on the weekends and keep Mr. Ashley entertained and they could watch the kids while we go downtown, get sloshed, and only have a $4 cab ride back to the condo, because it's close. Maybe we'd even all go on vacation together once a year. Also, he could come out on the boat with us, we need men to carry our stuff to the beach.
This is good thinking. I like this a lot. Maybe Mr. Ashley and Daddylicious and the kids should live in the condo and the Sister Wives could live at your house. We could beckon them when we need them for things and to bring us stuff. Just think how much fun it will be to live free without the usual demands of traditional family life! I'm thinking more people are going to want to get in on this type of family structure.
Your cats are definitely not coming, sorry. I'm really not thrilled about the dog either. I was thinking maybe it and our white German Shepherd, Lily, could move outside together. This would make the situation truly ideal for all of us.
Cats- I want to get rid of them anyway.
Dog- Can go live with my parents because she likes them better anyway.
I don't know what to say about the situation with the anal glands. Personally, I would've left that out of proposal negotiations, but let me tell you right here and now that I will not be having anything to do with your dog's anal glands, nor will I be hearing about it. Ever.
See Above.
Here are my demands, aka the Ashley Rider:
--I prefer not to share the blanket. I sleep with a down comforter all year round and would rather not compete for blanket footage. You can either share with Mr. Ashley, or we'll just have three blankets.
This is fine. I must insist on clean bedding (for the entire household) each week. If you want, I can just sleep on the couch. I don't mind. I'll still make sure all of the bedding is clean. We will celebrate Clean Sheet Day on Friday or Saturday (sometimes Sunday, it just depends on how the weekend shakes down).
--I sleep with the tv on. Usually around 4ish I wake up and turn it off, but this is non-negotiable.
So do I. I really like to fall asleep watching "Lock Up" on MSNBC. I really don't mind what is on as long as it isn't baseball. I can't stand the sound of a baseball game.
--I do not wake up early. I do not hear crying children while asleep.
Fine. I wake up early. You are well aware that some times my days start at 4am. I get alot done during this time.
--I do not cook. I don't know how. Expect me to call you at work asking how long it takes to microwave a hotdog. I CANNOT operate the microwave without explicit instructions from someone else on how many seconds. Mr. Ashley will probably do most of the cooking. We're a big "breakfast for dinner" sort of family.
Here is what I can offer in the way of cooking skills: grilled cheese, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, anything out of a box or can. We can just get frozen shit and call it good. I love Brinner (breakfast for dinner).
--or clean.
I do this. I like to. It might get on your nerves, but we can work that out.
--Some days I just NEED a nap. You will realize that it is far better to let me go take one for an hour, than to try to keep me up and deal with the consequences.
Fine. As long as the kids are napping or resting quietly. I like to nap too. It's like a sport for lazy people.
--I don't handle mail, calls, or knocks at the door. Mr. Ashley will probably continue dealing with this.
Me no likey phone calls or knocks at the door. Mr. Ashley can continue with this duty.
--I take baths that are rarely shorter than one hour. They are necessary. They cannot be interrupted.
I dig it. In fact, I have to have a bath every night. I have to shave my legs EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT. This is not negotiable.
--Stay away from my hairdresser. Her and I share a sacred bond, and I won't have you and your chunky highlights fucking that up for me.
Fine. I'll bring my hairdresser with me.
--Do not agree with Mr. Ashley, ever. Also, if I want to bitch about him, don't say things like "At least he changes diapers". If someone wants to bitch about me not cooking, no one is stumbling all over themselves to say "Well, at least she changes diapers." Yes, he is basically a good guy and I'm lucky to have him. He still pisses me off all of the time and I expect your unconditional support in any and all matters that pertain to him and anything annoying he might do.
I've got your back on this one.
I think that's it. I really think you would love it here and both of our blogs would benefit, not to mention our social lives. You would work and clean, Mr. Ashley would deal with the outside world and cook, and I would dazzle us all daily with my wit, intelligence and charm.
So what do you say?
My answer is yes. There are a few negotiations that we are going to have to work through, though. Please take note of my comments in red.
It's going to be great. I love the beach. I love the boat. I think we share just enough things in common and have just the right amount of differences to REALLY make this plural marriage thing work.
Let me know. I want to plan the nuptials and the honeymoon right away.
Breast Fed is Best Fed
I've learned so much about the error of my ways from posting and reading on my Bargain Hunters Board (a message board). I learned that I spelled my LLM's name wrong. I learned that toe nail polish on little girls is tacky. I learned that ear piercing is also very trashy. Juice drinks, McDonalds, Wal Mart, and bikini's on little girls... trashy.
Occasionally a good topic will crop up on the Bargain Hunters Board regarding Breast Feeding babies being smarter than babies who are fed Formula (among other BF/FF debates). Often, there is a nice article to go along with, and people on the BHB will get all worked up over it. It's good times, really, to sit back and read the drama and debate unfold.
Today there was such a thread about this topic.
Since Breast Fed babies turn out to have a higher IQ than babies who are Formula Fed babies I have come to a conclusion. I want my LM's to have the best possible chance in life. I can't believe I was such an irresponsible mother to have Formula Fed my babies. Where was my head?
I've decided to start lactating again. Once my mammary glads are full of milk, I'm going to nurse my girls. Simultaneously even. I will probably have to quit my job in order to Exclusively Breast Feed my 5 year old and my Almost 2 year old. It's going to take some commitment from me, but if I was a really good mom in the first place I would have Breast Fed them from the beginning. I will nurse Chandler until she's 8 and Kennedi until she is 5.
That's a good plan, right?
Occasionally a good topic will crop up on the Bargain Hunters Board regarding Breast Feeding babies being smarter than babies who are fed Formula (among other BF/FF debates). Often, there is a nice article to go along with, and people on the BHB will get all worked up over it. It's good times, really, to sit back and read the drama and debate unfold.
Today there was such a thread about this topic.
Since Breast Fed babies turn out to have a higher IQ than babies who are Formula Fed babies I have come to a conclusion. I want my LM's to have the best possible chance in life. I can't believe I was such an irresponsible mother to have Formula Fed my babies. Where was my head?
I've decided to start lactating again. Once my mammary glads are full of milk, I'm going to nurse my girls. Simultaneously even. I will probably have to quit my job in order to Exclusively Breast Feed my 5 year old and my Almost 2 year old. It's going to take some commitment from me, but if I was a really good mom in the first place I would have Breast Fed them from the beginning. I will nurse Chandler until she's 8 and Kennedi until she is 5.
That's a good plan, right?
Monday, May 5, 2008
I Remembered What I Forgot
I finally got a second to myself and remembered what I was going to blog about. Oh Shit. I forgot already. Oh wait. There it is.
A little background on Mamalicious: Anxiety is my middle name. I have always had it. Intrusive, scary thoughts- those I won't share but trust me it isn't fun.
When Chandler was little, I would never let her go on the Sea Doo. No way. I didn't even let her on the boat outside of our little cove if I wasn't there. I couldn't deal with the scary thoughts, so the only way I could keep them from happening and have some control over them was to not allow her to go. I started letting her ride on the Sea Doo and the boat when she was 3.5.
Almost 4 years later, I had Kennedi and admitted that I had an anxiety problem. Started taking my daily dose of Lexapro, and my anxiety is manageable most of the time.
Kennedi is almost 2. I let her on the Sea Doo this weekend. That right there is a testament to how much better I am now compared to where I was before that LLM came into my life. I'm so thankful to have her, because if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have started my daily medication. Life is a lot more fun when you are not full of anxiety all of the time.
Here is my little lil momma on the Sea Doo:
A little background on Mamalicious: Anxiety is my middle name. I have always had it. Intrusive, scary thoughts- those I won't share but trust me it isn't fun.
When Chandler was little, I would never let her go on the Sea Doo. No way. I didn't even let her on the boat outside of our little cove if I wasn't there. I couldn't deal with the scary thoughts, so the only way I could keep them from happening and have some control over them was to not allow her to go. I started letting her ride on the Sea Doo and the boat when she was 3.5.
Almost 4 years later, I had Kennedi and admitted that I had an anxiety problem. Started taking my daily dose of Lexapro, and my anxiety is manageable most of the time.
Kennedi is almost 2. I let her on the Sea Doo this weekend. That right there is a testament to how much better I am now compared to where I was before that LLM came into my life. I'm so thankful to have her, because if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have started my daily medication. Life is a lot more fun when you are not full of anxiety all of the time.
Here is my little lil momma on the Sea Doo:
And let's not leave out how cute my BLM is:
I just wanted to go on record and say that my mental instability has improved significantly. I think you all should be quite proud.
Short Term Memory Loss
I've had my mind on creating this blog all day, and now I cannot recall what it is.
I think I have short term memory loss accompanied by long term memory loss. I cannot remember shit. It is so bad that I have to write everything down. Is there a reason I can't remember anything? I don't smoke pot, so I know that's not it. I don't drink on a regular basis, so that can't be it.
Maybe it's the Ambien? I know that if I take Ambien and start blogging I won't remember writing it the next day. That little matter has been taken care of by not taking Ambien when I'm still in computer mode. And I'm not about to stop taking Ambien. Don't even think about suggesting that.
Maybe it's all of that internal chatter that goes on in my brain?
Maybe it's because I have a full time job and two demanding girls to take care of?
I'm totally not sure, but there has to be something wrong with me. Maybe I need a lobotomy. I think it might help. Can I take out the part of the brain that makes me worry? Can we replace that with some more memory storage?
I know that I meant to note an interaction between BLM and our neighbor friend. Neighbor friend is 5, and she comes over to play quite often. We love having her, she's a sweetie. Yesterday it was time to take neighbor friend home, BLM said, "Friend, I will walk you home. Friend said, "OK! And then once you walk me home, I will walk you home." After friend walked BLM home, she scampered on down to her house by herself. End of the story. It was a lot cuter when I said it inside my head.
I think I have short term memory loss accompanied by long term memory loss. I cannot remember shit. It is so bad that I have to write everything down. Is there a reason I can't remember anything? I don't smoke pot, so I know that's not it. I don't drink on a regular basis, so that can't be it.
Maybe it's the Ambien? I know that if I take Ambien and start blogging I won't remember writing it the next day. That little matter has been taken care of by not taking Ambien when I'm still in computer mode. And I'm not about to stop taking Ambien. Don't even think about suggesting that.
Maybe it's all of that internal chatter that goes on in my brain?
Maybe it's because I have a full time job and two demanding girls to take care of?
I'm totally not sure, but there has to be something wrong with me. Maybe I need a lobotomy. I think it might help. Can I take out the part of the brain that makes me worry? Can we replace that with some more memory storage?
I know that I meant to note an interaction between BLM and our neighbor friend. Neighbor friend is 5, and she comes over to play quite often. We love having her, she's a sweetie. Yesterday it was time to take neighbor friend home, BLM said, "Friend, I will walk you home. Friend said, "OK! And then once you walk me home, I will walk you home." After friend walked BLM home, she scampered on down to her house by herself. End of the story. It was a lot cuter when I said it inside my head.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
A Proposal??
Shannon called me on Saturday to tell me that I was blog fodder for The Ashley's this weekend. I almost got in the car and came home so I could get on the internets and find out what all this talk was about! As it turns out, I think Ashley has proposed to me. I can't imagine being a sister-wife. It sounds like fun! Just think of all of the multi-slacking that would be done at the Ashley's house! It would be bonus that they live in FL. I know they already know that I don't cook. I do clean, and I do laundry- I sustain life off of BBQ Pork Rinds and Diet Dr. Pepper along with a handy bag o meds. I'm picky about my beer and the kind of music that I listen to, so that must be stated right up front... sort of like the Sasha Rider.
The Mamalious Rider would include:
Diet Dr. Pepper
Pork Rinds
Peanut Butter
Wireless Internetz
Michelob Ultra
Petron
Ambien
Lexapro
Xanex (for the occasional freak-out)
NO COUNTRY MUSIC, EVER. (say it like on Mommy Dearest)
I go to bed pretty early and I really like to watch A&E. If Mr. Ashley wants a fun friend, he should probably invite DL to be his brother-husband. Darren is *really* fun and funny. Our girls are pretty sweet, and very cute. A word of warning, though, they are demanding and are used to us catering to them. The big one minds better than the little one, so I'm sure we'd have to stay in a state of well-medicated-ness to be able to endure what LLM and LK can dish out.
Also, we have 2 cats (Phoebe and Oliver). Oliver's nickname is Osama Bin Oliver, because he is a total terrorist. We don't mind leaving them here, but our LBD must come. She is a chocolate lab. She causes no trouble, but her anal glands sometimes get infected and she smells like ass from time to time. It's really no biggie. We just take her to the vet and get her squeezed and clean.
Anyhow, let us know what ya'll want to do about gaining a sister wife and a brother husband. I should probably post the Daddylicious Rider, it's simple: Bud Light. That's all he needs. He eats a cracker ever now and again. Totally easy to please.
The Mamalious Rider would include:
Diet Dr. Pepper
Pork Rinds
Peanut Butter
Wireless Internetz
Michelob Ultra
Petron
Ambien
Lexapro
Xanex (for the occasional freak-out)
NO COUNTRY MUSIC, EVER. (say it like on Mommy Dearest)
I go to bed pretty early and I really like to watch A&E. If Mr. Ashley wants a fun friend, he should probably invite DL to be his brother-husband. Darren is *really* fun and funny. Our girls are pretty sweet, and very cute. A word of warning, though, they are demanding and are used to us catering to them. The big one minds better than the little one, so I'm sure we'd have to stay in a state of well-medicated-ness to be able to endure what LLM and LK can dish out.
Also, we have 2 cats (Phoebe and Oliver). Oliver's nickname is Osama Bin Oliver, because he is a total terrorist. We don't mind leaving them here, but our LBD must come. She is a chocolate lab. She causes no trouble, but her anal glands sometimes get infected and she smells like ass from time to time. It's really no biggie. We just take her to the vet and get her squeezed and clean.
Anyhow, let us know what ya'll want to do about gaining a sister wife and a brother husband. I should probably post the Daddylicious Rider, it's simple: Bud Light. That's all he needs. He eats a cracker ever now and again. Totally easy to please.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Margarita Madness
So, I'm all stressed out and shit. I can't stop clenching my jaw and relax, it fucking hurts. I thought maybe a shot of Petrone would help. Plus I'm having a margarita. I'll have a side-car of Ambien in a little bit.
I called my dentist today to see if I can get a bite splint made. My moms had trouble with TMJ and had to have gum surgery. I don't want it to get to that. I'm also trying to find a psychiatrist in Norman, OK. I need one that is liberal with prescription meds. Don't make me go to Mexico to buy my Rx. Oh, wait. Maybe that isn't a bad idea. A little trip to the beach plus a trip to the Pharmacia? I could get into that.
The Big Lil Momma has a cute new phrase. It is supposed to be "Hallelujah" but it comes out "Haal-Ya-Lou-A" and it is the funniest damn thing I have ever heard. Next to Undersmile, of course.
My Moms went with me to an out of town meeting today. I had a meeting at one of our casino's, so she rode with and met my Auntie and they played a few slots while I conducted biznass. It was so good to have her company. I lurve her.
I think I'm going to have some ice cream (fat free) for dinner. I can't eat anything chewy or crunchy, it hurts my jaw too bad. Ice Cream and Margaritas! Do not underestimate the power of a nutritious meal!
I called my dentist today to see if I can get a bite splint made. My moms had trouble with TMJ and had to have gum surgery. I don't want it to get to that. I'm also trying to find a psychiatrist in Norman, OK. I need one that is liberal with prescription meds. Don't make me go to Mexico to buy my Rx. Oh, wait. Maybe that isn't a bad idea. A little trip to the beach plus a trip to the Pharmacia? I could get into that.
The Big Lil Momma has a cute new phrase. It is supposed to be "Hallelujah" but it comes out "Haal-Ya-Lou-A" and it is the funniest damn thing I have ever heard. Next to Undersmile, of course.
My Moms went with me to an out of town meeting today. I had a meeting at one of our casino's, so she rode with and met my Auntie and they played a few slots while I conducted biznass. It was so good to have her company. I lurve her.
I think I'm going to have some ice cream (fat free) for dinner. I can't eat anything chewy or crunchy, it hurts my jaw too bad. Ice Cream and Margaritas! Do not underestimate the power of a nutritious meal!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
