Is This Normal?

This constant conversation I have with myself during the day? It goes on inside my mind, so that's a good thing. But, is it NORMAL to be chattering inside my own mind all of the time? Does everyone engage in self-talk? I would like to know if other people do this.

For example, if something BIG is about to happen in my life- I have to rehearse it over and over again in my mind. Let's take moving to a new house, for example. I will lay in bed at night and go over packing this first, then this, and after that will come this. It is fucking annoying. I'm glad no one lives in my mind with me.

I have even done this when thinking about something as simple as cleaning my house. I'll try to be one step ahead of myself at all times. It makes me so tired.

Is there anything that will turn that switch off? I could use a break.

DOM

I went for my walk this morning and searched around in my head for something to write about. Here it is:

I have an annoying co worker. He is an elderly man (beyond retirement age). We can call him James. He is responsible for leadership training within our organization.

James is a DOM (Dirty Old Man). James is constantly making inappropriate remarks. Last week, he told me about an email he recieved about male enhancement that would add three inches. He said to me, "Hell, why stop at 3? Let's go for 5." This is one sample among many.

When James shared his story, I did not laugh and I did not smile. I didn't tell him that I thought it was inappropriate, simply because there was another person (another female, my age) was in the room and I didn't want to embarrass him. What I wanted to say was, "James. I do not find humor in those comments. Could you please not share that with me?" And, I plan on saying that when the chance arrives, because I know it will.

James is often using swear words in the seminars he conducts. We are adults and can take the swearing. However, he has progressed past that and will make sexual comments in front of an audience. People laugh. Because it's James. He's endearing in a dirty old man kinda way. To top that off, people always ask him to lead us in prayer. I don't want to be led in prayer by a DOM. If I don't know the prayer leader to be a DOM, then fine. But I don't want to hear prayers led by a DOM. I just don't.

I don't think he's funny, but I'm not "offended" as in to take it to my manager and ring a bell and run it into HR's already hectic life. I just don't want to hear it. I plan on telling him so. But, do I wait until it happens again or just have a courageous conversation with him before it happens again? I can't see myself doing that. He does need to know that it isn't OK and that some day he may just make a comment to someone that does land him in hot water with HR.

Just because you are a DOM does NOT mean it is OK to talk like that in mixed company.

Wake Up, Lazy.

Get out of bed and blog already. The day is going to get away. It's better to start early, oh, at like 4:22am rather than sleep all day until 6:00am. I have to say I rather like waking up early. The house is all quiet for 3 hours. I can get uninterrupted time on the computer AND I can get out and go for some extrasize with my LBD (Little Brown Dog).

I didn't get to blog on Trashtastic Tuesday. First, there was really nothing to say. Second, I didn't get the time to say it even if there was something to say. Hopefully that clears up my absence.

Nothing much to say this morning, either. I'll take my little walk and I'll think my little thoughts and see if there is anything in there worth mentioning. I doubt there is, but just in case- I'm up early enough that I can blog again if the need should arise.

Add to Your Vernacular

Sunday is Add to Your Vernacular Day! Inspiration from this post comes from Sasha, so please don't go thinking I made this stuff on my own. I'm simply passing this along to my readers who may not be reading her.

Undersmile: another word for female private parts. Sasha and Mr. Sasha saw this on My Name is Earl. I decided that I'm going to have to start using my DVR to catch this show. If words like Undersmile are slung around, it is a def that I have to add to my list of shows.

Pantenna: An antenna (such as seen on that of a mobile home) with a pair of panties attached. Another word I have stolen from the Sasha's who saw it on Earl. I can't figure out how to add Pantenna to my vernacular, but there has to be a way.

Multiple Store-Gasms: The ecstasy brought on by hitting as many Christmas sales as possible in a single shopping trip.

TruckNuts: The pair of testes seen hanging from the ball-hitch of a pick up truck. This usually indicates the insecurity of the truck owner.

Connectile Dysfunction: The inability to get a connection. Most commonly experienced when using a cell phone, but can refer to laptops with Wi-Fi cards, etc. If it persists for more than four hours, please contact your doctor. He can't help your connectile dysfunction, but can give you something to ease your frustration.

The NMS was fun yesterday. The weather was so nice. I was ill prepared for the atmosphere. I didn't take a chair and I wore the wrong shoes. I had to ask an EMS worker for a bandage. Thankfully, they didn't make fun of me- but they did inform me that if I were a guy they would have told me to rub some dirt in it.

Here are some pictures from the NMS~

Mamalicious & MagicJenn

Mamalicious & Sasha

Slim & Mamalicious

No Words

I don't have much words this morning. I learned yesterday that a friend of mine was in ICU. She became ill on Wednesday, and on Friday morning was unresponsive. She is doing better, making eye contact, and even mouthed "good night" last night. She is still very sick and not out of danger yet.

My heart hurts for her family.

I will be back on Sunday with some words. I'm sure the words will be fun and funny, because I'm going to see 5 of my bestest high school friends today. I. Am. Excited!

Girls Night!

Daddylicious's sabbatical came to an end at 9:30 this morning. He started his new jobby job today! He came home with a stack of notebooks, paperwork, hand outs, and other orientation garb. He will be working 11 hour days for the next 10 weeks.

Uh. Mai. Lord. Could we not have eased into this? I have gotten quite used to his help with the LM's in the evening.

I can do it, it's not like I didn't do it for 5 years on my own. The Momma's and I will get into a routine and it will be just fine. They were sweet tonight and very cooperative.

I have great news. I have a UTI and Herpes. Yes. Helen the Herpes is back. She invited herself to settle in right on my bottom lip. This is how stress manifests itself in my body. My doctor hooked me up with some Valtrex- so I'll be back to mountain biking and hiking with my partner in no time.

Tomorrow as we all know is Friday. I *try* to minimize the work and maximize the slack on Friday. However, it looks like tomorrow is not going to go according to plan. I have back to back conference calls PLUS actual work to do. Work on Friday (especially a pay day) is really unethical and actually against my religion.

New Work Week Proposal

I had an idea at work today. Ideas for me are rare, so I must type it out while it is fresh on my mind.

No one likes working on Monday, because it's the first day after the weekend. Monday's are just kind of ick (like, "awe, sounds like some body's got a case of the Mondays.")

No one works on Friday. I mean, they show up and stuff but nothing ever really gets done because it is Friday. It's officially the weekend.

The problem is, if we eliminated Monday then Tuesday would be the new Monday and Thursday would be the new Friday. Therefore, Tuesday would be the dreadful day of the week. Thursday, no one would do anything because it would officially be the weekend, such as Friday is now.

The Plan- Shorten the work week to Wednesday and Wednesday only. The day would be very full and productive. You would only have one working day in which to get 5 days worth of work in. It would go by super fast.

This wouldn't work for all jobs, unless you did it in shifts. For example: an employee at Taco Bell might have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday off- work Thursday- and be off Friday and Saturday. It might take twice as many employee's to staff certain types of jobs, but that would lower the unemployment rate, right?

Anyway, it's just a proposal.

This Isn't Cool

5am yesterday. 4am today. Uh, I think I know what the problem is and I won't be making the mistake today. However, I will sieze this early morning time for good and get some work done. I will also take a little walk with my D O Double G (dogg) and get my extrasize out of the way. It was so nice to have that over and done with yesterday morning.

What does Wednesday hold in store for this Hoochie? A nice visit to the dental hygienist (ACK), a meeting over God Knows What, and a meeting with my Super Cool Boss. The meeting with my Super Cool Boss is a Pre Meeting to a Dreadful Meeting on Thursday Morning. Nothing like a Pre Meeting to get your juices flowing. What I love about my boss is that she is diplomatic and helps me put things into perspective. If any of you can score a super cool boss like this (and one that does not even office in your town plus she really trusts you), I highly recommend it.

Oh, those LM's were a handful last night. The LLM was so terrible two-riffic that I'm worried she might have an ear infection.

Time to get inspired about my day!

EDITED TO ADD:
During my morning inspirational time, I searched BBC and MySpace. I found one thing on each page that I do not recall posting. Isn't that nice? One was super weird and not something I would typically write on a public forum. One was just a weird comment to MagicJenn about what I would be wearing to the Music Fest on Saturday. Pretty Tame.

It concerns me, nevertheless. Either I had an out of body experience from being awake since 5am yesterday, I was abducted by aliens who hacked into my computer and typed things I normally wouldn't type, or it was Ambien-Induced. Either way, it's weird. I'll make sure tonight that I don't post after I take Ambien. Otherwise, I cannot help it if aliens abduct me and hack into my computer.

Thanks for your understanding.

Blue Light Special

Free Toddler, no purchase required.

Very cute. Blonde, curly hair. Blue eyes. Can sign a few words. Ears pierced. Comes complete with wardrobe. Temper tantrums are included in this package.

Trashtastic Tuesday

What a loooooong day in front of the internetz. First of all, my website at work got all f0cked up and the emails have been steady since 7:30am. I don't think I got one thing done that I needed to do. I did have a few moments to Multi-Slack, as is usually required for maintaining my personal happiness level.

I just heard that I was invited to a Midget Cage Fighting Event on Friday night. This falls right in line with the theme of the day. What could be more Trashtastic? I don't really like UFC, so I doubt if I'm down with the Midget Cage Fighting thing. Or should we call it "Little People Cage Fighting"? I can imagine Amy Roloff in a string bikini holding up a Round One sign.

Did you know that today is Earf Day? In honor, the girls are eating Spaghettio's (at their request). LLM is marking the occasion by whining and being more demanding than usual.

SlimShady: Thanks for the offer of the spare bed for Saturday night. I booked an extravagant room at the La Quinta for the night (La Quinta is Spanish for Hoochie Mama Hotel. Or is it Motel? I get confused). I would NEVER make you put up with a Drunken Hoochie Mama in your baby state.

LLM is slamming kitchen cabinet doors. There isn't anything more annoying. Besides listening to Elmo. And BLM asking, "what did you say?" and doing the fancy dance all over the house. And repeating "Momma" four thousand times. And the LLM crying because we told her not to slam doors. I need a Qualude.

Tuesday: Teaching an Important Lesson

Dayum. Five am is an early start time. I just sorta woke up and knew that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. I've taken the dog for a walk and even started some laundry. It's gonna be tired tonight, that's for sure.

Sure is a shame that I can't blog from work. I have a lot more to say during normal hours.

For now, I will leave you with a parting thought. Maybe you will be able to use it today:

You can't drink beer all day unless you start in the morning.

Things You Might Need to Know

I don't give a rats ass about the election. I'm tired of hearing about it. I've said it before, but I'll go ahead and say it again. I'm not voting in the presidential election. The president does not run the country. Oil runs the country. It doesn't matter who is elected, they are going to butter the bread where they think their next campaign money is coming from.

I don't give a rats ass about politics. I don't want to hear about it. It does not effect my daily life one bit. I don't watch the news. I'm totally un-informed. I don't care. I don't care if this makes people think I'm an idiot.

I broke my own rule and "cooked". This means I browned hamburger meat and made tacos. Technically, this is cooking- and I said I wouldn't do that anymore. I also "cooked" tonight by opening up a box of frozen pizza.

I'll do better about that, I promise.

This One Time (at Band Camp)

I was reading Lacy's blog about her going to the Flea Market with her Granny, and I was reminded of something that happened to me a few years ago. Are you ready? Here it goes.

I had the LLM in July 06. Daddylicious and I always go to the State Fair of Tex-Ass in October for the OU-TX game. It's always fun and quite a booze-fest.

So, in October of 06 we went to the fair. It was the first chance that I had (as a brand new momma) to really relax and enjoy myself without having to tend to smallish people. We left the LM's with grandparents and we had the WHOLE WEEKEND to have fun.

The game was an early kickoff, so that meant we had to get to the fair ASAP to begin the drinking of the beer. We arrive around 8am and eat- then it's beer:30 so that we can get properly boozed up before going into the Cotton Bowl.

My day at the fair started out GREAT. I got id'd to buy beer and I could have made out with the beer guy it made me so happy. I drank about 4 or 5 (this is about my max) before it was time to go inside and find our seats.

I get in line for the Port O Potty. I'm never real happy to go to the Port O Potty, but I had to go REALLY bad and it was almost kick off time. I stood in line for so long that I was about to pee myself.

When it was my turn, I went into the Pot O Gold and did my thing. I felt so much better until I went to pull up my pants. I had FORGOTTEN TO PULL DOWN MY UNDERWEAR. Yes. That's what I said. I PEE'D through my underwear. Thankfully, I had on a very sheer thong (read: whore panties).

Logic would have told me to take off the whore panties and throw them away. Was I thinking logically? NO. I WAS DRUNK. Hello. I sat in pee'd on whore panties for the rest of the day.

There it is! Now you know everything. (Well, not everything. I also have a hard time knowing my right from my left. I can't tell time very well. AND I don't know my times tables.)

Jinx

Thank you for the many compliments on my self. That made my day really nice!

I had to delete that post because I'm afraid that it will jinx me. In fact, it already has jinxed me for the past 2 days. I've made bad choices, but tomorrow is a brand new day!

Today is Day 3 of the No Cooking Plan. Lunch was a catered event at work, and dinner was Applebee's complete with dessert. (See what I'm talking about with the jinx?)

We had a massive meltdown after we got home. BLM wanted to put her ballet shoes on, and she picked up some other little girls ballet slippers the last time she was at dance. The shoes were too small, and I swear it was like The End of the World.

I don't know where she gets this dramatic behavior (uh, OK, so I know where she gets it, but still). The last time she cried that hard was when her green balloon burst on the way in the house. The LLM was very upset that the BLM was so upset. LLM brought BLM her blankie. Then LLM went and got the BLM a glass of water. That was just the sweetest thing for me to see. I hate that BLM was so upset, but it was just darling to see the LLM so concerned for her sissy.

Time for a nice bath, some Pork Rinds, and an Ambien.

Mamalicious Back in the Day

Thanks to my friend Marni for posting this picture on myspace! This picture was taken at the AHS MORP. MORP is prom backwards, and is the oppoisite of prom.

I'm the chick in the yellow shirt and sunglasses. This was taken in the fall of 1991 when I was a senior. I totally hated high school. This might have been the best part of my senior year, hanging out with these chicks and partying.

I saved most of my fun for college. I'm glad I did. I'll post some pictures later of me in the college daze. THOSE were the best times!

No Cooking Day 1

Tonight is the Rotary Pancaked Dinner. I lobbied for it. I didn't win. Frozen pizza won, but that's still fine because I didn't have to cook it.

We have ants. I told them that we are not cooking food, maybe they will go next door? My kitchen floor had at least 20 little black ants crawling around by the fridge. I'm totally disgusted. How do you get rid of these little bastards? We got some ant spray, but I think that only kills the ones that we see, not the bastards hiding out behind the scenes.

Anyone know what to do about this problem?

Never Again. Ever.

I'm not doing it anymore. I've said it before, but this time I *mean* it.

I AM NOT COOKING DINNER EVER AGAIN. I made beans and cornbread tonight, and I swear it tasted like my 5 year old made it. She probably could have done a better job. The beans were just taste-less and the cornbread was totally flat. I spent an hour doing this and it was not worth it and gross.

Here's the deal- the menu of our house hold is going to consist of:

1) Corndogs
2) Grilled Cheese
3) Chicken Noodle Soup
4) Spaghettio's
5) Cheese Puffs
6) Pork Rinds
7) Popcorn
8) Eggo Waffles
9) Cereal
10) Frozen Pizza

That's it. Anything else is not prepared by me. NOT. EVER. AGAIN. It isn't worth the time it takes to do the dishes. I could have been playing outside or some shit like that.

That's all for right now. I might take some Ambien and become inspired to write more. I'm an addict like that.

Since Candace Asked-

All it takes is for one person to ask to see more pictures. I could never deny anyone the pleasure!

Here we are with Big Bertha the Killer Stingray. See how scary? How does anyone survive this "excursion of death?" I loved these big floppy things.

This is me after my massage on the beach, before the 17 Tequila Sunrises flew right down my gullet. If you look very closely, you might see the Segway behind me. That thing makes me laugh because of Gob on Arrested Development.

This picture was taken by the swingers. I am liking it because it does not make my boobs look incredibly small!

Found my Happy Place: The Mexican Drugstore! I totally scored some Flexiril and some Ambien. Don't think I didn't ask for Xanex, but they didn't have any and I was unwilling to go through the wilds of the Cozumel streets to find it. I don't take it every day, but a wacked-out-psycho-worrier-girl like me needs a stash of it.


What more can I share? Most of my other pictures are self-portrait drunkard pictures!

PVD: Post Vacation Depression

Just a mild case... but I soooo didn't want to work today. I wanted to GO to work. I just didn't want to DO ANYTHING while I was there. I had 40 Missed Calls and 19 Voice Mails. If I haven't already said so, I hate nothing more than talking on the phone and/or returning calls. I did it, though. I did manage to get some hateful, awful tasks crossed off of my list- so does that count towards the revised NLP:RD?

I'm so looking forward to putting the LM's to bed and snacking on the Rinds and the Diet Dr. Pepper.

I'm So Glad

It's a good thing I went to the Pharmacia in Cozumel and got some Muscle Relaxers for just-in-casers. My back is still VERY SORE. I don't think it helped matters that I chased LLM around the Lazer Zone play area yesterday. But, that was the only way to exercise the demon right out of her.

BLM is SO HYPER already this morning. It isn't even 9:00 in the morning and she's doing laps around the coffee table.

So Cute, But...

Why is it so bossy and Angry? Why does it say, "no" to everything? I have started asking it questions like, "Do you want a new car when you turn 16?" or "How would you like One Million Dollars?" It always says, "NO". It won't give hugs or kisses. It won't mind. It wants to turn left if you say to turn right. It doesn't want to get in the tub. It doesn't want to get out of the tub. It doesn't want to go night night.

It makes me tired.

Photographic Evidence

A few photos and a bit of narrative:

Day 1 Beer 1: This picture was taken just after we set sail. I was very excited about my first beer, my bikini, my hat, my swimsuit cover up, my eye-wear, everything...

Day 1 Beer 3 or 4: The above picture is of me sunning on the top deck. I was still happy and excited at this point. Some hours after this picture was taken is when I fell. I wanted to go right home after that.


Day 2 Beer 1: Very sore, but fairly medicated (Tylenol). I felt pretty miserable here, but I have the Game Face on. If you don't know about the Game Face, you haven't been reading the whole time I've been writing. Anyhow, this was after I was asked if I was expecting (one out of three times). I took the first time in stride, but I was very angry on the inside.

Day 2 After Booze Nap (above): Formal night. I didn't set an alarm and we booze napped for 2 hours and almost missed our dinner. I'm glad we didn't, because our dinner partners were really fun to talk to and we really enjoyed being dressed up.

Day 3 No Beer Yet: Beautiful Grand Cayman! Not sure why we are wearing these snorkel vests, but they ruined this set of pictures. Well, not ruined but we look goofy.

After we swam with the stingray's, we went to Seven Mile Beach. It was crowded, but we enjoyed a few drinks and a hamburger on the beach. Tell me, is this what pregnant looks like these days? Because it was on this day that I was asked if I was expecting (for the second time). I got real bent out of shape at this point and started to feel really bloated and questioned my bikini attire.

Day 4 Pre Drinking in Cozumel: I busted out the MILF shirt, yo! It was fun to wear, I heard people asking behind my back what MILF was. This picture was taken before we went to Passion Island.

Day 4 Boozed Up: Liquid Medication! I drank about 17 Tequila Sunrises. I also had a massage on the beach and that is where I was asked for the 3rd time if I was pregnant. Does pregnant drink like this? I hope not. At any rate, we met another couple that was on our ship and partied down. When we got back in the van with them to go back to the pier, they let it out that they were "swingers". I am not quite sure what my response was, but I think it was very eloquent and diplomatic (not kidding) for the amount of booze that was in me. They got out and went shopping, and we got back on the ship for our marathon nap. Below is us on the boat after the boozing-

Day 5 at Sea: Woke up at 7am from a 16 hour nap. Got out of the cabin and got some more sun and beer. I didn't really take many pictures worth sharing on Day 5. I do have a whole collection of myself in the MILF shirt taken by the Swinging Couple on Day 4, but I'm going to just save most of those for myself. Unless you beg.

Tripped and Fell and Hurt My Back in 2008

Oh, LordaMercy! The cruise started off with a hard fall on my back. I was stepping out of the hot tub in order to fetch my hat and my feet slipped on the wet stairs. I landed flat on my back. Hard. It hurt so bad that I felt like I had been in a car wreck for the rest of the week.

The rest of the cruise was great big fun. Grand Caymen was beautiful. Swimming with the Sting Ray's was just as much fun as I had imagined. Seven Mile Beach was beautiful, but crowded.

Our cabin onboard was perfect. I slept like a baby.

Especially after our visit to Cozumel. I booked an excursion at a place called "Passion Island". It is a private island with an open bar and all you can eat buffet. After about 10 Tequila Sunrises, I was in fine form. When I stumbled back to the ship around 4, DL and I went for a nice booze nap. We didn't wake up until 1:00 AM! I went back to sleep until 7:00 AM the next day. That, people, is a Booze Nap!

Our travel day yesterday was grueling and I have nothing fun or funny to say about it other than we got home at 2am. I got up at 6:30 today to take BLM on a school field trip. She didn't let me out of her sight all day, and the LLM has been glued to me! I missed those girlfriends and their chatter!

I am still worn slick and my brain is too dumb to write anything except strictly facts!

Edited to Add: I got asked THREE TIMES (THREE/3/TRES) if I was PREGNANT. Fuck. Thanks. That's a real ego boost for my ass. Or, stomach? Fuck. I'm still pissed.

what the?

Seriously, what is it today? Are people too busy to leave some comments and shit? I have been Commenting like crazy today. Is the favor returned? No. I'm just telling myself. I'm just saying it to me.

Today is pack up and pre-clean day. I was going to spend the day cleaning this house, but decided it would be FAR BETTER to have a housekeeper come while I am gone. Wise, Yes? That way, when I get home on Friday my house will smell of clean.

All beds have clean sheets. This is top priority when returning home from a trip. No one wants to sleep in dirty sheets. Now way. Even Kennedi has clean sheets. In fact, she has a "CAT WALLER" in her crib because Phoebelicious loves sleeping in her bed. Phoebe likes to roam and play outside (by the way, Phoebes is a kitteh), and she can get her cat dirt in the crib. We don't like sleeping with cat dirt. You never know what it is.

Chandler (the BLM) is watching me type and wanted me to type her name. She also wants to say, "I have clean sheets. Um. Phoebe does not get in it. My sheets are clean. Um. I have Beanie Babies. I want baby sitters that will be fun but I will have more fun with a babysitter it could be fun I like clean sheets. And I also want a babysitter. I maybe some days I will be one (a babysitter). Maybe somedays. And I hope I get one that's all."

That is good. Chandler is well on her way to being a blogger like her Momma. She has things to say. Lots of things. You really have no idea how many things she has to say. The only time Chandler does not say things is when she is asleep. When I ask her why she talks so much she says, "I'm just a talkin girl."

This will be my last post until I get home. I may or I may not check in while I am onboard the Enchantment of the Seas.

Whore Panties

In light of my last post re: Bitch Panties, I think it is only fair for me to inform you of the opposite of Bitch Panties. Whore Panties.

What are Whore Panties? They are not Granny Panties or Bitch Panties. I have both.

Bitch Panties are worn for sleeping purposes only. They will keep my man at a safe distance. My Bitch Panties used to be Granny Panties or Pregnant Panties. They are just old. In fact, I never thought to call them Bitch Panties until today when Kim commented that she had Bitch Panties. Then I thought, "wait a minute, SO DO I!"

A Whore Panty (for me) is a string thong. This is only worn at work. I do not want to have a panty line. The Whore Panty comes off as SOON as I come home from work. I have been known to wear Whore Panties at other times, but we don't have to get into all of that.

The LLM got into my (clean) undies today. She did this all on her own, which prompted me to blog this.

Here she is in our underwear. She first put on the Whore Panties, the the Bitch Panties, and on top of that layer is Daddy's Panties (isn't it fun to call men's underwear panties?):

Here she is wearing the Bitch Panties and the Whore Panties (by the way, how do you like that dirty shirt?):

Here she is with the Whore Panties. Again, these ARE CLEAN. She got into them because she was "helping" me with the laundry.

I hope this clears up any questions you have about Panties. Let me know if any further questions surface and I'll be glad to clear those up.

Things You Should Know

So Tired,

Thanks for your comment on my blog! I'm glad you asked about "wallered" because I am certain other readers have had that same question.

It is a common term in my family. AllyKatt was so kind as to post a follow up comment with the definition from urbandictionary. Thank you, Ally! (psssst... Ally- please comment with your blog link so I can add you to my blog roll. You have a few, and I want your preferred one if you please.)

1. Waller: To roll about enthusiastically in or lay upon an undesirable substance. Usually associated with lazy and undesirable connotations. Has origins in Indiana.

In our family, we have Dog Wallers. What is a Dog Waller, you might be asking yourself? A Dog Waller is an old bed sheet or a blanket that you put on your sofa/loveseat so your dog can WALLER on the couch without getting hair or dog stink on your sofa/loveseat. This very well could be an indicator of how "Okie" we really are. That's OK. We are emphatic about our dogs and have no shame at all when it comes to them. Dogs pretty much get top priority, second to the LM's. See picture of our Dogs below: (Yellow Lab is Daisy (aka Rosie). Chocolate Lab is Hailey (aka The Little Dog).

My Mommy (aka Mimilicious) has finally started reading my blog (Hi Mommy!) She has informed me of a few things that I thought I would pass along.

1) Enjoy the Terrorism. It will go away very soon and I will be missing it on my vacation. THIS IS SO WISE. I can promise that all DL and I will do on our trip will talk about the LM's and say LM-isims. We will see children and wish ours were with us... then we'll get over it and go drink a beer.

2) Bitch Panties. Mimilicious reminded me of these and when I read her email to me I laughed outloud. Bitch Panties are for female dogs that are on their cycle. When I was 17, I got my Dalmatian (RIP, Dottie). I considered breeding her and let her go through one cycle. We had to buy her Bitch Panties from our vet. They were fancy with lace and all. You wouldn't want a bitch to have to wear granny panties.

Now I have to go get ready for my last day of "work" before my vacation begins at 4:30. I am going to have to tranquilize myself to sit through an 8 hour training session. I am not a good student. I do not like to sit. I want to be the one talking and the one people are looking at. I'm just an attention whore like that. (I love me some Ashley-isims, so go on over to her site and give her love. She needs it right now.)

Today I Learned:

1) There are no BBQ Pork Rinds onboard a cruise ship. THE HELL YOU SAY!
2) My BLM gets in trouble all of the time at school for talking.
3) I hate UFC. I didn't just learn this today, but I have to get that out right now.
4) Twenty My Little Ponies will fit in a bath tub with two little girls, and it still isn't enough.
5) I am tired of work and ready for vacation.
6) You can't force the fun.

This is My Break

This has been fun.

I have worked, like all.day. Then I get home and did the dinner thing (ok, we ate Taco Bell, but still- I had to go get it). Then I decided that I should pre-clean before the Big Vacation Cleaning.

The BLM was in a Scooby Doo Trance when I got home. Which was fine, I was able to pre-clean. Daddylicious left the house for a bit. As soon as he did, the Trance ended and the Terrorism began. I have been ordered around for almost an hour and a half. I have been: 1) a bunny momma 2) a coyote 3) the doggy master. I have also been wallered on, yogurt slobbered on, and had to give an unwilling baby terrorist a bath.

There is good news. I have slept three nights in a row without waking up. I'm marking it on my calender as a major event.

That was the most boring blog I have ever written. I have expended all of my energy by having to be the bunny momma coyote master. I'm totally pooped.

April Fools

Even though this was Maximum Slacking Week, it still has turned out that it is Maximum Workage week. I couldn't be more upset.

My plan was to surf the internet and research all of the wonderful things I will do onboard my ship, what I would be seeing, where I would be not-sleeping, etc. But NO. More work upon more work has arrived on my desk.

So much so that I shouldn't even be doing this, I should be working. However, I have to take time for a few things each day and here they are (ranked by priority):

1) Tan (so as not to be out-tanned by DL)
2) Tend to Lil Ma's
3) Go to work (I didn't say I would work while I was there, but just that I would go... however if you just read my statement above you will see that I have been WORKING at work which wasn't at all part of my plan.)
4) Extra-size

Tonight, however, I will have to stay up late and work on work. This is most unsettling. It should be some sort of policy that the week before and after vacation is spent slacking.