The New Face of Terrorism

Terrorists have a new "look" these days. It would be very irresponsible of me if I didn't tell you what I know, and that I know about it firsthand. I spent the entire weekend with two of these terrorists. I will post pictures of them so that you will be aware of what to be watching out for.

They look innocent enough. They even look pretty cute, but the reality of it is- THEY WILL TERRORIZE. They have been trained to do so. I'm not sure where they learn it, but they have skills that they are not afraid to use.


These tiny terrorists will follow you around the house, talking the whole time. They will want to suck all of the life out of you by playing a potentially suicide-invoking game of "You Say." Trust me, this is not something you need to mess with. This game involves role-play in which the terrorist tells you EXACTLY what to say and how to say it. She will tell you if you have said the wrong thing and will persist until the unlucky victim either dies or says exactly what s/he is supposed to say.

Smaller terrorists are not as advanced in their verbal skills, but they still know exactly what they are doing. They will chase you down, ask you for your puffs and your pork rinds- then they will climb all over you with greasy paws. You will not be able to figure out exactly what this smallish terrorist wants. You may think it's puffs, when its really wanting yogurt. Or maybe its Elmo movie (another form of torture) went off. You never know with one of this kind.

They will wear you down until you can take no more. They will make you beg for Monday Morning to roll around. They will make you wish you had enough meds to tranquilize yourself with.


Then, they go and they get cute. This is how they work, people. I wouldn't tell you if it were not true.

All Night Long

I'm telling everybody. I SLEPT ALL NIGHT LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is better than great. It's amazing. It's a "springtime miracle" as the BLM would say.

It's the best thing that has happened to me in at least two months. That might be an exaggeration, but damn. After sleeping like total shit (does shit sleep?) for two months, this is a big deal.

Attention: Kat Farris & Ashley Muir

I'm looking for two peeps.

Kat- I know you have stopped by before. Send me an email so we can chat.

Ashley- My long lost BFF whom I talked to more when you lived in Cali than I do now that you live in Oklah-by-God-homa. If you are even in the Sooner State still. I have called Gail and Frank to no avail. I miss you and I want to talk.

Here is my email: holly.peters@chickasaw.net

Mamalicious

An Early Morning Angry Elf Episode

Waking up early on the weekends is so much fun. Especially when you have to be woken up on the week days and you beg for sleep... You get up early to Carpe Diem, I suppose, I don't really understand the logic. But I would like to know when kids start wanting to sleep in until noon. I remember BEGGING my mom to let me sleep and she would wake me up with the vacuum at 8:30 in the morning.

We hopped out of bed around 7:20 and the girls are already working on their minimum word counts for they day. For example, BLM asks: "Momma why does a bird fly south every day?" The answer: "Because it is too far to walk." I think that was a joke she made up.

During my muffin-making attempts, the LLM wandered on into the kitchen area to the Puff Department. She started trying to open Puff Drawer. I told her in a firm voice, "NO, you are not eating Puffs for breakfast." She whined and continued to paw at the drawer fervently. I told her NO again, and she whined and walked over to another area where she spied a bag of BBQ Pork Rinds. I took them and hid them in the Puff drawer and she BAWLED like I had cut her deep in the heart.

I don't know how I get these high maintenance girls. It can't be me, can it? No. Not me. Not with my request for extra ice every time I go out to eat. Not with my need for my bed to be made on a daily basis, no matter what. Not me. No, it has to be hard-wired into them, right?

Because I Don't Sleep

I thought I would share that this time next week I will be on a ship not sleeping. Here is what we are sailing on:

This is a picture of our balcony room that I won't be sleeping in (because I don't sleep):

And we will be going to Stingray City and 7 Mile Beach in Grand Cayman. So, here is something that I probably won't enjoy as much as I should because I'll be too tired since I don't sleep.

Anyone been on a cruise and want to tell me about what I need to know?

Clockin' on Yo Bitch Ass

Evidently, we have exposed BLM to waaay too much Soldja Boy.

The Family Licious was at a local kids fun zone earlier this evening, and BLM was singing that song. DL over heard her in her little mouse voice singing the words and overheard this line, "Clockin' on yo bitch ass."

That was quite a treat.

Another good reason to change what we listen to is the fact that these 2 girl have Minimum Daily Word Counts that they have to meet. I think they have a little monitor in their brain that makes them utter a certain number of words on a daily basis. On our drive to the fun zone, I think they both logged at least 6 Trillion Words each. I asked BLM if she talked that much while she was at school, and she said no. But, I'm not sure. If I were her K teacher, I'd probably have to tape her mouth shut. But, I've said before that they are handing out crack cocaine at kindergarten...

Under the Radar

Flying under the radar at work didn't so much work this week. I actaully HAD TO WORK at work which was NOT in my plan at all. I totally intended to maximize the slacking and minimize the working.

I ended up being VERY productive at work yesterday and doing lots of things that I meant to do when I get back from vacay. Well, fock. Now people are going to expect that kind of productivity from now on, and do you see where that gets me?

I have a VERY BUSY schedule ahead of me at work next week. My mad skillz are in demand. My keyboarding skills, my training skills, my data entry skills- All of it. I also have some meetings (one which will be dreadful and I can't think about it or it will ruin any kind of weekend that I hope to have).

Then, there must be time to fit in the last minute trip shopping and the pedi. I have to tan EVERY.DAY starting TODAY. This is probably going to be moved to TOP PRIORITY in my list of things to do. Just please know that I will be wearing at least a 30 block sunscreen on the cruise if not a 50. I do not want to ruin my no-sunburn record and rule.

Angry Elf

The Elf is Angry, and is not pacified by the puffs. So, we are watching Blues Clues (which sounds like, "booz coos") and the elf is still Angry.

I can't win. I can't contend with Blues Clues AND an Angry Elf who is not made happy by the puffs. What can I do? The only thing could be to start drinking and it is a loooong way until bedtime from here.

I gave Angry some Motrin, thinking she could be blooming some new teeth. Next thing will be to put something (read: beer) in her sippy. *totally just kidding* (But, my mom said that she put beer in my bottle when I was a baby and wouldn't go to sleep.)

My mom also told me that she was really happy I was in her life and I am no longer a burden. Two of my friends bought houses from her (she is a Real Estate Agent). So, officially, I'm worth all of that burdening I have done for so long. Thank God I finally earned my keep.

The Cheese Puff Obsession

That Little Lil Momma of mine is obsessed.

If she could have a little machine like this handy, she would be in heaven:

We keep the puffs in a drawer. As soon as we are home, she heads straight for this drawer and says, "mine". Evidentley, "mine" means anything she wants to be hers. (Her pacifier was also called "mine".) Or, maybe "mine" is anything she is obsessed with because she was really pacifier-obsessed too. Have we traded one obsession for another?

We don't even think of telling her no to The Puffs. We do not like to see her go into Angry Elf Mode. It isn't pretty. There isn't one thing any of us like about it.

Up For Adoption

Two cute girls. You can take custody immediately.

I.Said.No.Thank.You.

So, what am I doing awake at 5:33am?

Actually, I woke up at 1am to some snoring and moved it on into the recliner. Not sure if I slept or not b/c of the tossing/flopping I did. Sometime around 4, the dog wanted out and I know for a fact I have been awake since.

Didn't I say No, But Thank You to shit like this? Or, maybe that was just to work-related matters. Maybe I should have specified. I also meant, "No, but Thank You" to sleeping poorly.

I guess I will be at work on time today since I'm already awake and just ate an Easter Egg for breakfast.

No, but Thank You

I'm about 10 days away from our cruise. I have become very excited and spent almost the whole day doing "research" online. I did a minimal amount of work at work. I have decided to give myself some mental downtime post-Ft. Lauderdale and pre-cruise. That makes sense, right?

I think I have amnesia. I don't remember anything that happened at work before the work trip to Florida. It is a good thing that I wrote things down and kept my emails. I didn't do a lot of drinking on my trip, although my pictures look like I was drunk. The thing was, Amylicious and I were laughing so much and having so much fun it was almost like being drunk. Laughing like that is a natural high and I wish I did that every.day.of.my.life. It was the BEST.

I do have a few meetings and other obligations this week and next. BUT, I do plan on doing as much nothing as I can possibly squeeze in there.

PLUS- these CHILDREN of ours are SO HIGH MAINTENANCE that work is easy compared to what we have to do at home. Sheesh. I had to have all of this dialouge with the BLM during bath time tonight. She was telling me what to say and how to say it. I was so tired that I just played along for awhile. Then I told her that was enough and it was time to settle down. So she said, "OK. I'm just going to tell it to me. I'm just talking to myself."

The Dreams of a Freak

I don't think I rested one bit last night for all of the weird dreams I had.

In one, I was in a scary movie. The plot was that if I fell asleep and saw the face of Jesus that meant that I was going to die the next day. Well, that happened to me 4 times and I kept waking up scared to death!

My next dream was fun and funny. My boss invited the whole team to a meeting at a mall. She gave us an entire wardrobe of clothing and then we participated in America's Next Top Training Model (I work in the training department of my organization). When she walked in, she was very "fierce" and it was totally like ANTM. We even had a fashion show at one of our big casino's where we had to walk the catwalk. Another funny part was that she was telling people that if we had pain, we could just call our pharmacist and borrow a Lortab. That part had me laughing in my sleep!

A few days ago I dreamed that our cruise ship would go underwater (like a submarine) to reach our destination. I had to cancel the cruise because I couldn't fathom the thought of being underwater like that.

Easter Fun!

Easter Morn started early for the Easter Bunny/Momma. Thank goodness it did, because no sooner did I hide the eggs outside than BLM was out of bed and ready to rock n roll.


We had the visit to church, and I had a difficult time staying engaged. I think I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. The girls enjoyed it and did not want to leave.


After that, we hunted more eggs and LLM and I took a nap. DL's parents came to visit and we had more fun hiding and hunting eggs.

Coloring Eggs is Sewious
Eggspert Egg Artist

Artsy Fartsy Picture

Easter Morn

Pretties

The 'Licous Family

FILF & MILF

The Saturday Report

The garage sale was had, the eggs were colored... dinner has been prepared and cleaned, and the girls have been bathed and are *gasp* playing in their playroom.

I am worn slick. I feel like I have been to nowhere and back for nothing and missed a plane while I was at it.

There is really nothing to look forward to other than bedtime and getting ready for the Easter Bunny. Which, BTW, may not show up tonight because the BLM axed about him 7 MILLION FREAKING TIMES.

We went to Mimi/Papalicious household to tan and kill time. Mimi gave the LM's their Easter Baskets. The questions started. "Is the EB really coming tonight? Are you just teasing me?" Those were not the only questions. Those were just the start of the questions. I cannot even list all of the questions here, because I might kill the EB if I see him. I had to tell her to stop it with the questions or the EB would NOT visit her. Don't even get me started on the questions about coloring the eggs and how the EB was going to find them and what would happen if it was raining. Sweet Dear Lord Baby Jesus! Why can't a holiday be JUST ABOUT JESUS????



Speaking of which, we are trying a new church tomorrow. I swore on my life that I would never go to a Church of Christ (please, Dear Readers, forgive me of my ignorance and my prejudice). Papalicious was raised staunch C of C. To hear him tell tales, it sounded more like a cult (again, please forgive me of my ignorance). I have been going (infrequently) to the First United Methodist Church and I love it b/c of the beauty of the sanctuary and real-life sermons. The only thing I don't love is that I have to get dressed to the hilt on Sunday. By Sunday I'm tired of getting dressed to the hilt after doing it 5 days a week.

Long story longer, my parents want to go to the C of C tomorrow. If I don't like it, my kids won't be going back. For one thing, I know they do not allow women in leadership positions and that goes against my grain. I am also very liberal in my thinking in regards to sexual preference as well as drinking. I can't and won't go to a church that does not condone these things. So- I may be out of the church biz for awhile until I find a non-denominational church that suits me.

Truthfully, I get tired by Sunday of having to BE SOMEWHERE on a schedule and I'd rather just drink coffee and make breakfast and do laundry. Does that make me a bad person? It just might, but that's how I am. It's the way I are.

Acupuncture and Chiropractic Care

Panic Attacks and Back Pain are becoming the frequent theme to my days. I know I usually put on the Game Face and it all works out, but this stress/crisis situation I have found myself in is getting the better of me.

I found a Chiropractor in Ada that does Acupuncture. I went yesterday. I left feeling OK, and then the rest of the day I just kept feeling better. I did wake up again this morning with the stress in my upper back, but I'm going back on Monday for another adjustment and some more needles. If only they were little tiny needles full of Demerol or morphine! Boo! But I didn't even feel them going in or coming out.

We are coloring Easter Eggs today!

This is a Good Start

Day One: Pretending I'm 21 and on Spring Break!



The photo above is of Day 1 of our trip to Ft. Lauderdale for the Empowerment 2008 conference. This was on Sunday. It was not a work day. Unless getting drunk by the pool is considered "work". And, we all know that it isn't.

Notice my Koozie. It is from my friend's Liquor Store here in Greater Ada. It is called, "Al's Wine & Spirits". I drank out of the Koozie all week and made sure to take many photos of it.

At this venue (Sloppy Joe's), I had two beers, some food, and a $7 shot of Patron.

Then, we went to the St. Regis Philbin pool. I share this photo with you, only because this is the first time I have sported a bikini since before I was pregnant with the BLM who is now 5.5. I must also share that I feel better about myself (physically) than I have in years. Mentally, I feel worse than I have felt since the terrible dark days of PPD after birthing LLM.

Here is the St. Regis Philbin. I made a comment to my travel partners that we were staying at the St. Regis Philbin. One of them asked me (in all seriousness) if it was named after Regis Philbin. Yeah. It sure is.

Day 1 ended with a booze nap from 4pm-7pm and the most miserable meal of my life. It was so loud and I was in pain from being awake since 2am the morning we left OK for FL.

This is all for now. I must get ready for my acupuncture appointment. I promise I will be back to share more about my trip. It wasn't all FUN, there was WORK, but it was FUN TOO because I had a microphone and a stage. I have already told all of you how I feel about having a microphone and a stage. It just does it for me.

By the by, if you have the need for a keynote speaker or a stand up comedian- holla at your girl. I'll be back, friends!

Here is me, on Day 1 of the conference. This is me dressed up for my presentation. I busted out this shirt for the occasion:

I found this shirt at a little t-shirt cart on the beach. I don't know where I think I'm going to wear it. I just thought it was funny. Maybe I'll wear it on my cruise. I won't know anyone there. I was thinking I could wear it at the lake, but I don't really think I need to expose all of the elderly people to this "MILF" thing and what it really means.

I didn't *really* wear this shirt, but I had to put it on for a photo opp.

After the presentation, I went to another breakout session and then it was time to get ready for the cocktail hours.

Here is me in my "being as cute as I can be" gear. Don't you love my red beads? I already decided that if someone told me they liked them I was going to say, "Oh thanks, they aren't real."

And below this is my standard "stance" of this trip. The Chyna Doll wrestling pose (AKA "HISSSSS). I don't expect it to be funny to anyone but me.

And here is Amylicious- My Partner for the Week. We gave ourselfs "partner" names and had lots of fun laughing.

There will be more. I am getting ready for a garage sale that I didn't know I was having. We can talk about that later, too.

A BLM Story

The BLM is quite a talker. She often talks so much that I have to ask her for a few moments of silence because my ears hurt. And her talking requires a response, not just a set of listening ears. So, typically my mouth hurts and my brain hurts from having to have all of this stimulating conversation.

When I do ask for quiet, I will be rewarded with a few minutes of silence. Then the talking begins again.

So, I say, "Chandler, Momma asked you to be quite for a little while."

And she says, "No. I was just saying it to me." or "No. I was just telling myself."

I just wanted to share it. This little saying has done a lot for me over the past week while I was out of town. Everytime I think it or say it, it has made me giggle.

I'm Kind of a Big Deal

Oh, hai! I'm back.

I had a wonderful time and I will post pics and the whole 9 yards later today. Ft. Lauderdale was AMAZED with my cuteness. I don't think it will ever be the same again.

Yesterday was one of those special kind of travel days. My flight was delayed by almost an hour, which pushed the limits of my already tight connection from DFW to OKC. I missed the connection by two sweet minutes. Picture this cute girl running through the airport at top speed, dodging small children and the elderly. At the connecting gate, I was issued a new ticket and told to RUN so I didn't miss that connection. I'm pretty sure that American Airlines did not get the memo that I am kind of a big deal. Had they known it, I would have been shuttled on the damn golf cart to my connecting gate and I would not have had to run. No wait, they would have held that plane for me.

I arrived at the new gate, huffing and puffing- and waited for 45 minutes to board that plane. For Shit's Sake, I'm SORE from all of that today.

Another Note to American Airlines: Your lavaratory smelled like the State Fair of Texas. I don't mean that in a good way either. I mean that it smelled like a man had pissed all over the entire lav.

We will talk all about the trip later. I must tend to smallish children.

MILF Alert: Please be Advised

Hurricane Holly is headed to Ft. Lauderdale tomorrow morning!!!

I will check back in and update you on good times when I get back to Okla-by-God-Homa!

See you tomorrow, St. Regis!

Here I Go AGAIN

Planning it out. The day, that is. Here is the little conversation that I have with myself inside:

Me: Do I go tan now, or before I shower?
Me: Well, if you shower now you will smell like tanning all day.
Me: But if I go tan, THEN SHOWER, the tanning process will stop. (Because doesn't everyone know that your skin keeps tanning after you tan? So if you shower, you stop that process. )
Me: That's true.
Me: Here's what we will do (yes, I am a gemini). We will shower, then go tan. We won't fix hair/makeup until after we tan.
Me: OK

It's hard. So hard. Why do I have to have conversations with myself like this ALL DAY?

Sweet Baby Jesus!

It's 7am, I have no kids to wake me up. And I woke up anyway.

I had myself a double shot of Ambien before bedtime. Daddylicious "says" that we talked and stuff but I don't think so. He's probably just trying to trick me. I woke up at 4am to a cat at my window who wanted in. I let him in and wandered into the kitchen for a drink of H20 and DL was sleeping on the couch. I axed him why he was there and he gave me some story about, "don't you remember us talking about it?" HUH? No. We didn't talk, I was sleeping with Prince Ambien.

Little Oliver follows me back to bed, so at least I have one bed partner. He is soooo sweet to sleep with because he purrrrrrs all of the time.

I have finished over packing for my trip. I even edited and removed some items, only to add an extra pair of shoes. The suitcase is going to be too heavy, but what can I do? I want to have a choice of what I wear, ja know?

What's that in my Hair?

If the Little Lil Mama had a choice, she probably would not pick this out to wear. However, she is still small, and I'm the Mama so I do what I like.

If she could talk really well she might say:

LLM: Momma, why you put dat in my hairs?

Momma: Because you are little and you don't have a choice. Your sister is too big to wear bows now, so that means all of her bows are now yours. You'll have to wear them until you decide you are too big. And, I guess when that happens I'll have to go to the hospital and get another baby girl to torture.

And one more:


This is me practicing wearing my Power Suit today. I did have a meeting with my boss and I will get a merit increase. I think the whole "look" helped me pull that off. I did manage to find different accessories for this suit. I'm wearing a coral colored camisole, and I found a coral colored and silver necklace. I'll be rocking that on presentation day. Holla!

Still have not heard from Ashley on the Pork Rinds and Diet Dr. Pepper. How does a person get an answer from that girl? I stalk her daily!

OH NOES!

Do they have BBQ Pork Rinds & Diet Dr. Pepper in South Florida? This is my tastey treat, my bedtime snack, my very own Moon Pie and Pepsi. (Or was it milk and Pepsi that Laverne liked?)

I'm going to hop on over to Ashley's blog and axe her. I also need to axe her where I am on the spreadsheet and if I will ever be cool enough to get on her blog roll. Mentioning her and telling others to read her may NOT be enough of an effort. I just don't know.

The next thing I need to decide is if I'm going to make it "Practice Wearing Your Power Suit Friday" and wear my suit to work. I do have my annual meeting with my boss today, and hopefully she will tell me that 1) I am the best thing ever 2) I have been promoted on the basis of being pretty 3) I am getting a 5 Step Increase. Those three things may be a stretch, but I will take what I can get.

Gotta go take my Spongebob Squarebath now and get ready for a Fascinating Friday.

Trifecta

What? How on earth could I have anymore to say than I have already said at this point? You just don't know me very well, do you?

Things to share:
1) I took a Unisom, one Melatonin, and an Ambien (that = trifecta)

2) My hair chica saved my sanity. She gave me a $25 "touch up" so my roots wouldn't be staring at everyone in Ft. Lauderdale. I almost had a Nervous Breakdown over my roots on Tuesday. I'm that fragile.

3) I only have one LM to get ready for school tomorrow. That would be the Little Lil Mama and she is so easy. I hope I didn't just jinx myself. Big Lil Mama is out of school tomorrow and will torment Sick Daddylicious to the brink of his death, I'm pretty sure. I'm also pretty sure he knows how my life used to suck ass before he got fired. I'm loving him being around and all of the helps that he gives. I hope a great job pans out for him soon, though, cuz I really don't want to live in a shanty on the west side of town. You know, the one with rent house orange shag carpet and panelled walls? The one with the greasy kitchen countertop from years of frying pork chops? I like the trappings of my materialistic life.

I think that will be all for now, other than I'm going over my "packing" list in my head and it is making me insane in the membrane.

Dr. Branch

Sorry I spelled that website wrong for that Wonder Drug.

Does anyone else remember Revenge of the Nerds when they smoked Wonder Joints and the party became partylicious?

Booger wore a shirt that said, "Give Me Head 'till I'm Dead."

I will never forget the words to the song they did at the talent show.

Clap your hands everybody
And everybody clap your hands
We're Lamda Lamda Lamda and
Omega Mu
We come here on stage tonight
to do a show for you
We've got a rockin rythm
and a high tech sound
that'll make you move your body
down to the ground
We got Poindexter
on the violin
And Lewis and Gilbert
Will be joinin in
We got Takoshi beating
on his gong
the boys and the mu's
are clappin' along
and just when you thought
you seen it all
out comes a Lamda four foot tall
so won't you come on out here
on the floor
and you can move your body
like never before

breeeeeaaaaak......

Roll With It

This is to be the Theme of My New Life starting right now.

I get so bent out of shape when things don't follow the "plan" that I have mapped out in my head that I am making myself sick.

Like when I spent the past 2 weeks doing data entry and then deleted some of the shit by accident. At least I figured out what I had done before I wiped out everything, but I'm just sayin. That kind of thing gets me Bent out of Shape.

My new title at work is The Data Entry Goddess. Since I have this other fancy title and get paid the medium bucks, let's just tell it like it really is. Data Entry Goddess may be too much, maybe it should be like the Data Entry Freak.

Xanex helps, but I'm going to have to be asking for more soon. My doctor isn't so much fancying the idea of me having a great big gob of it. So, I think it's time to be on the hunt for a doctor who will give me a great big gob of it (until I can at least get with the theme of My New Life).

I might start doing yoga. I don't know how, when, or where but I need to do something. I could get a yoga DVD, but Daddylicious would make fun of me. Especially if I had on a leotard. I would love to have a leotard. I'd like to prance around and do my Ribbon Dance (this is a story for a later time when I'm not feeling so funky). I guess I could just lock myself in my bedroom and yoga all night with Lil Mama's whining and pounding at my door. For Shit's Sake, if they get any more whiney or more demanding I'm going to sell them.

THANK YOU DEAR LORD BABY JESUS for my trip to Ft. Lauderdale. I'm going to rock their face off with my presentation (and I'm nervous/excited about it but I will be Super Hott Looking).

Maybe I'll feel back to my Mamalicious self by the time I come back to Okla-by-God-Homa.


BLM had to pull a card today. The card system goes "green" "green" "dark green" "yellow" "red". Big Lil Ma got all the way to YELLOW. She told me that she was running because, "I guess I am just a hyper girl."

Her "allergies" were bothering me when we got home so she got some Benedryl. Phew, I just hope I can make it until bed time. (Their bedtime, not mine).

Dawn Dawn the Ghetto Mom

Check her out here.

She is my good friend IRL and she's funny as hell. She's just started her blog, and she needs some lovin'.

Get you some!

Relax. Breathe. Take a Pill.

Something is wrong with me. Uh, yeah.... DUH.

I have been a major stress case- up to and including Helen the Herpes, sleeplessness, and unexplainable pain in my back, neck, and shoulders. I cannot RELAX.

I can't think of anything fun or funny that happened in my life today. It was all a bunch of work and crap. Things got accomplished and I even tried Retail Therapy (which didn't HURT), but I felt like I was going a million miles an hour from the time I got to work from the time I eventually left early because I am fragile. I went and tanned. That was nice, and DL was sick and so he's not trying to out tan me right now.

The girls have been freaks of nature. LLM freaked out at bath time because she was entranced with the Wubbulous World of Dr. Seuss. She is watching again, but she's going to freak the fuck out when I put her to bed. BLM wants me to spell everything for her (Momma...how do you spell the Green Grinch) and I was a total bitch of a mom and told her that I wasn't going to be spelling out anything because I'm tired. She asked if I had a headache (sad that my 5.5 year old knows how often Momma has a headache). I told her no, that I was just tired. It makes me feel bad when I don't get to roll around on the floor and play with them. I have to get back to that or I'm going to go crazy.

I think I need to take the next two days off of work and sit in my recliner and go in and out of a drug induced nap. I watched Intervention Monday night- it was a rerun but it was about this lady who was on all of these pain pills. She was a wreck, but she sure looked RELAXED. Could I have one night of relax? I don't want any illegal drugs and I don't want something on a permanent basis, but if I could have one night of a Demerol IV or some shit like that- that would be exactly what I need to relax. Just for one day/night. Twenty four hours. Ok, a weekend. Will they do that if I admit myself for a weekend at a mental health hospital? I'm a pretty good actress and I think I could act buck ass crazy if I needed to. However, I think that goes on a persons permanent record and I don't know that I'm willing to go there.

Let's Discuss

Several of my favorite people (read: anyone who leaves me a comment) have axed me about this Phenterimine biznass. It is a diet drug, "adipex".

I got my Rx from Dr. Branch. I paid $70 for a 3 month Rx. The Rx costs about $25 a refill. It made me hibernate at first and feel like I couldn't come out of my office or talk to people and it kind of made me cranky. That left after 2 weeks and I feel full of energy now. I'm not starved to death and I can make those good food choices and not crumble because I'm starving to death. I eat a Special K cereal bar for breakfast, almonds for a snack, a WW lunch, and a sensible dinner (chicken breast, limited portions, etc.) Sometimes I snack on BBQ pork rinds and a Diet Dr. Pepper.

My regular doctor will give it to me one month at a time. And she won't charge me $70 for the "consultation". But she wouldn't give me a 3 month Rx. My blood pressure is normal. It does not make me anxious (and I suffer from anxiety) or jittery. I pretty much love it, thanks.

You can email me at work if you have any other questions (holly.peters@chickasaw.net)

I had a high anxiety day. My whole body hurts from the stress I inflict upon myself. That's fun, right? I think I have anxiety (the good, exciting kind) about my presentation in FL. I was awake scripting out what I'm going to say and how charming and cute I will be standing up in front of people doing what I do. I am not nervous excited. It is a happy-excited. Other than that, I'm anxious about falling behind on my menial task at work that consume me. I'm NOT taking my laptop with me to FL. I will just have to spend the week after the trip getting caught up and then getting ready to cruise.

I really enjoy the time leading up to a trip. I've been so anxiety filled that I have taken that joy from myself and I plan on backing off on those thoughts and analyzing them and making them move away.

DL did another fantastic job grocery shopping for our dinner tonight. It was tasty, easy, and I have leftovers to take to work tomorrow. The LM's didn't like it so they had spagettio's. Yuck.

That's about it for the moment. I'm going to take some ambien and go to bed soon. I will feel much better tomorrow!

Catch That Train!

"Everybody's talkin' 'bout a day up at the lake...."

Yes, another relaxing night of rest. Waking up 16 times to a cat, a thirst, a snore, and the song, "Catch That Train" that they play on Playhouse Disney. I swear, that stupid song is stuck up in my brain. Every time I woke up last night, there it was. For Shit's Sake, I'm going to have to listen to some Devil Music (Pantera, Slayer) to get that kid tv crap out of my head.

For Take Inventory Tuesday, I jumped ahead of myself and did it on Monday night. Wow. Let me just say that my friend Phenterimine has helped me lose 12 pounds and gain almost a new (old) wardrobe from before I got pregnant with the Little Lil Mama! Ft. Lauderdale needs to be under advisory: This Mamalicious is HOTT. Holla!

I also learned that I need a pair of red shoes (that fit) and a new pair of black heels (that don't look like they are all scuffed up because I wear them every day). (Because I wear them every.day.)

Seven AM. Gotta get the Lil Mama's up and around, and hopefully DL will get up with me and help me get them going. He also had the same delicious night of sleep that I did, so if he stays in bed- that's cool, too.

New Assignment for Daddylicious

Being that Daddylicious was in the Food and Beverage Industry, he has been given a new assignment! He is the Meal Plannner for the 'Licious Household. I lack the "Meal Planning" gene (and therefore cannot participate in Meal Planning Monday in the NLP:RD). He has willingly accepted his new task and tonight we had tacos.

I don't want it to be too hard. I have found a few new meal items to cook and will send him shopping. I don't want to overwhelm him at first. I've never been in a "management" position before, so I want to tread carefully when delegating.

I had to edit this to add that the idea of Daddylicious being the family meal planner did not come from within my own feable mind. It came from my girl, Kendallicious. Kendall- Thanks for that idea. I know you are reading this. Do you feel famous?

Since I've tailored the NLP:RD to suit my own needs, tomorrow has been declared "Take Inventory Tuesday." I'm going to Ft. Lauderdale on Sunday (for work) and I need to inventory my closet to decide what my costumes will be. Ok, not costumes. Wardrobe. I'm giving a presentation, and I think the LEAST I could do for myself would be to by some new accessories to go with the Standard Black Power Suit.

I'm staying at the St. Regis in a Suite with my Friend Amylicious. I promise I will not forget you while I am drinking my beer on the beach and looking out at the ocean. I will not work TOO HARD, but I will participate in the conference (especially the Cocktail Hour by the Pool) and network and present (my favorite!)

My couch cushions still smell. I think the one that I have in my lap now smells like vomit from when BLM was sick last week and puked on it. I think it is going to have to go into the garbage.

The LM's are very quiet and are playing in BLM's room. This frightens me. I hope nothing bad is going on in there!

Night Out Report

There is only a tiny bit of a headache, and it was worth it and it is already gone. Despite my late night (12:00 am is late for the Mamalicous), I am feeling pretty OK. I had a tastee Marg w/Silver Petron. I had 2 Mich Ultras as well. Plus I hydrated with H20 to ensure that I was not going to feel too bad today.

I got up, made blueberry "nuffins" for breakfast and have been doing my laundry.

I love the time change, but it is going to make for a long(er) day. I doubt I can get a baby to go down at 7:30 when it is still light. I love it, but it is a hard adjustment.

Here are some photos from my eve:

Me N Lori (partners in poor mental health)- And I mean that in the funnest way possible!

How cute are we? Look at me wearing the same gold necklace I wear every time I go out. I gotta get some new accessories! I have lots of silver but no gold.

Must do some work and get some eBay stuff ready for Mail it Out Monday (part of the NLP:RD).

OH, I'm Excited!

I have a *date* with my girl Lorilicious Love E tonight! We have not had the chance to hang in FEREVER. And, she is my partner in poor mental health :) We will have some margs and have some therapy.

I will update with photos and tales of good times had.

Early Saturday Report

The dogs woke up up early, but the cats kept me awake most of the night. They were rustling around in a brown paper bag in our bedroom. (Brown shopping bag, don't ask why I don't throw it away- I don't know- I walk by it and think about throwing it away but for some reason I don't.)

The cats were trying to tell me they were out of food in the garage. I knew what they were telling me, but at 3am I didn't care. I don't get up and eat at 3am. They don't need to either.

This has been a grueling week and I wish I could say that the gruel is over and I had an enjoyable weekend with wonderful plans ahead of me. No. My Granddad (paternal) passed away and his services are today.

I will manage to Suds it Up, but it will be in the form of cleaning rather than beer-ing. Boo. The house still smells like the Ass of a Dog.

ETA: Helen is still hangin out. But, she is now a bloody scab on my lip. BLM saw it this AM and pointed at it. I told her it was a Boo Boo and she said, "ouch". Exactly.

Don't Be Jealous

Christopher "Big Black" Boikin is my friend on MySpace. I've also requested Mini Horse, Meaty, and Rob- but I have not heard back on that yet. They are probably measuring my coolness on a spreadsheet (like Ashley does). *Which, BTW, I'm dying to know where I stand there.*

Helen came back to work with me today, but I'm cutting down on her fun by taking the Valtrex. I just love telling people that I have Herpes and I'm taking Valtrex. I must have the maturity level of an 8th grade boy.

I'm pretty pissed at Daddylicious for trying to OUT TAN me. Yes, dude, I get that you are all Native American and stuff and have skin that tans easily. You don't have to compare your tan to my tan and tease me for tanning longer than you and not being as tan as you. You tan one time and you are tanner than me after I tan for two weeks. You need to recognize the hard work that I have put into my tan. Seriously! I envy your tanning skills. I am jealous (but, Big Black isn't YOUR FRIEND on MySpace so THERE.)

Daddylicious endured a whole day at home with a sick Big Lil Momma. He is a good Sick Baby Daddy. I know he did everything she requested. And when I got home from work I could tell that he had worked his butt off to have the house picked up. (Big Props to you Daddy, if you are reading).

The Little Lil Momma has yet another Ear Infection. I must call her ENT and find out why we have tubes but are still getting one EI per month.

But the best part of my day was trying to discharge the Hailey's stinky anal glands. I would have to say that experience far surpasses any other pleasantry that went on today. It was unsuccessful and I think she is going to have to go to the vet because she is stinking up my whole house like ass. I just can't live this way.

Helen my Herpes

Since my Herpes arrived this morning, I declared today, "Take Your Herpes to Work Day". Kind of like "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" except with herpes.

I named her Helen. I introduced her to my co workers and in staff meetings. She was quite cordial until lunch time, when she decided to become insubordinate during a lunch meeting that involved pizza. I decided to write her up and give her Performance Improvement Plan (PIP), but then talked to the folks in HR and they said I couldn't since she wasn't really an "employee". Whatever. I think I still have to take her to work tomorrow, but thankfully I'll be in my office most of the day. Hopefully she will follow through on the informal Action Plan I have assigned her.

The thing is, Helen the Herpes doesn't really REALIZE she isn't an employee. I'm just going to go on about the PIP as if she is my direct report in need of reformation and coaching. She'll never know the difference, Herpes are inherently stupid.

Helen tried answering the phone a few times and almost took over my email until I put her in check. I tried to get her to sit with my office mate, but I just couldn't muster the strenghth it would take to actually GIVE her away (mouth-to-mouth contact). As much as I like my co-worker, I wasn't willing to kiss her.

So, I'm going to see if she'll respond well to some BBQ Pork Rinds and an Ambien. I can see the Ambien working out well, but she might not act kindly towards the rinds. Fuck it. She's the one who invited herself to have a party on my mouth. It's not really up to me to entertain her.

A Herpes Simplex Ten Start to My Day

A cat woke me gently last night, rustling in a paper bag.... letting me know she wanted to be let out into the garage where her food is. Never mind that there is a kitty door to let her come/go as she pleases. It feels much better when Momma gets up at 3am to let you out. Kinda like when someone makes you a sandwich. It's just BETTER.

Usually when I wake up in the middle of the night, I make a practice of looking in at my LM's. BLM was snoozing soundly, looking like an angel. LLM, however, was stirring around and saw me peek at her. She sat up and held her little arms up and I picked her up out of her crib. We sat on the extra bed in her room and we rocked and loved. I put her back in her crib a few minutes later. Wrong. Answer. She wailed for at least 10 minutes. I got back into bed and wondered if she was doing something in retaliation. Was she eating a shoe (that was in her reach on her dresser)? Was she terrorizing her baby doll that was in bed with her? It took forever to go back to sleep but I finally did. I have not checked in on her yet. It is just after 6am and I'm enjoying the peace before I start getting ready for the day.

A nice Herpes Simplex Ten (read: fever blister) has arrived on my lip this morning. Time to break out the Valtrex. I wonder if that will make me feel like horseback riding or mountian hiking with my partner? Seems like the commercials for that stuff always make it look like that, you know?

I have decided to revolt against my doctor's orders. She called in a new Rx dose of Lexapro for me (20mg instead of 10mg). I'm not doing it. That dosage makes me starve to death and I'm not doing it. I'm just not. I split all of my pills in half. I am SUCH a BAD ASS. Do you hear me? I am BAD. ASS.

Have You Missed Me?

This job of mine outside of the home is really hindering my blogging progress! I have things going on in life that I know people WANT to read about! Here they are:

The Big Lil Momma cut her own hair last night while I was resting on the couch. She came to me with the statement, "I wish I could cut your hair, Momma" as she was holding a pair of scissors. I said, "No, we don't cut our own hair." "Oops", she says. Thank goodness it wasn't that big of a chunk and it was sort of at an angle

Little Lil Momma has not been napping at school and she has a new habit of taking off her clothes. At school. And on Monday morning when I got her out of bed, she had taken off her diaper and was sleeping in her gown only. The amazing thing was, she wasn't even wet!

And my last interesting tale for the day:
I got a massage on Monday. I was so excited about it and had looked forward to it all week. It was fucking painful. I even told the lady that she was hurting me. I am so sore today that I had to walk around wearing Bengay and smelling like Old Person. I felt sorry for those around me.

This will be all for now. I will get back to a normal blogging schedule hopefully soon. I know you crave it.

Let's Revisit Saturday

And let's just say I over-exaggerate at times.

Our friends (we love them) had extenuating circumstances that forced them to leave early. It wasn't that they didn't dig us and want to hang. They totally did. Just in case our friends find my blog, don't think we are mad. We were just so juiced to have company and wished it would have been at a time when we could have really partied down. There will be other chances.

Thanks for all of my sweet comments. You know I love them.

Kat- Thanks for blog-stalking me. I'm excited for your pregnancy and I want to hear all about it and you. I will email you and we will catch up! You will also tell me how you found me :)

Sunday has been depressing for me. I totally can't figure out why I'm in such a state, but rest assured people- I will call my my councelor FTITM and get an appointment with her.

The LM's are driving me nuts. They are currently running around as Jasmine (BLM) and Ariel the Bride (LLM). LLM is totally pissed about having to take a bath and wind down, and she's slapping herself in the head (which we are still ignoring). Or, I'm ignoring it. It bothers Daddylicious in the worst way.

I ate a big salad for dinner in order to compensate for the Cocaine Brownie I'm going to eat before dinner.

Suds it Up Saturday (Was a Total Bust for Mamalicious)

The Daddylicious and Lil Mama's and I spent the whole day in cleaning and prep mode. We were THRILLED to host a BBQ at our house. Many errands were run (grocery store, beer store, liquor store, storage garage for extra seating) to make this happen.

We invited my parents (who put the STANK on the RIBS) they were falling off of the bone they were so tender and delicious.

We invited a couple and thier children.

Mamalicious "cooked" her ASS OFF. This is big folks, I don't host get-togethers and I sure don't cook! BUT, I made a big salad, beans, potato salad (ok, this came from the store), garlic bread, and cocaine brownies. (Well, the brownies didn't have REAL cocaine.... they were sprinkled with powdered sugar and anything sprinkled with powedered sugar has the name of cocaine in front of it. For example, powdered donuts are: Cocaine Donuts.) It is truly fun to say especially when people you do not know overhear you talking about it.

Our company arrived, ate, and left. I shit you not, we spent the whole day being excited and preparing for this extravaganza. We had a nice fire going in the fire pit, 36 cold beers, margaritas, and other fine offerings. They ate, and they left. In our heads, Daddylicious and I had envisioned sitting around the fire pit drinking the beer and having the fun. Maybe even playing cards and/or getting nekkid. You know- having the fun! I didn't even drink ONE BEER I was so DEPRESSED. We are not mad at our friends, they had other things to do, but we were just so looking forward to being with them and having drunken fellowship.

I got the girls in bed, then I got into my bath and I bawled. I don't know why it was such a big stinkin deal to me. Maybe I was just so excited that the Daddylicious was home (after 10 years of being gone on weekend nights for work). I could feel how sad he was. My heart was (and is) hurt.

I should probably quit blogging for awhile since I am so depressed and no one wants to read the words of a depressed person. I'll save that for my councelor and I'll write when I'm under the influence of some sort of mood-enhancing medications.

Thank you Sweet Jesus for the work that I brought home with me to work on today. Work is my saving grace. Can't wait for Monday.

Hair Bows by Michele

Michele is making the Momma's some hair bows. Click here to see what she is all about.

I Can't Believe I Did That

I cooked dinner last night. Wha? Me, you say? Yes.

Maybe it is called "cooking". I cooked whole wheat spaghetti (sauce from Bertolli) with frozen garlic bread. I did bake the garlic bread before I served it.

I think the people liked it, because it was all gone. No leftovers to put in the fridge and pretend we will eat later.

I also made breakfast! Powdered donuts with milk. I should have stepped up my white trash game a little and made chocolate milk.

Since the Daddylicious is going to be home at meal time now, I'm going to be forced into using my kitchen. Dreadful! I only cook a few things: beans/cornbread, hamburger helper, taco soup, grilled cheese, pb&j, and tacos. I will have to add some things to my repitoire. That is a whole nuther stress factor in and of itself.

Suds it up Saturday is going to be in full swing. We postponed the garage sale, so I have to get cracking on tagging stuff.

But now, it's time to drink coffee and enjoy some time with my snotty nose babies.

PS- I had a dream that I went to Wal Mart and the Little Lil Ma and I did not wear shoes.