Cranked Up

Are your kids totally cranked up about Christmas? Ours have been totally (mostly) chilled out up until tonight. Maybe they know that tomorrow is their last day of school before the break.

They are soaking up all of the holiday fun they can manage to get in. Saturday night we went to Polar Express, a free event at our local park. They had the merry-go-round going, train rides, and hot chocolate. I scored these headbands at The Dollar Tree, the second most terrifying place to go during the holiday season.

I'm already the embarassing mom, look at me... wearing dumb shit in public! These girls are totally going to roll their eyes in 3 years.

Last week at work, I decided I better submit a leave request for a few days since the girls are going to be on break. I don't normally take off during this time of year, mainly because I'm totally dysfunctional and I don't know how to be home with kids all day long. If they were babies and took naps, I'd totally love it. But I've never stayed home for any big stretch of time outside of maternity leave. We do vacations, but we're doing vacation stuff. And if the girls are sick, I stay at home and that's different too.

The company I work for won't let us carry over more than 80 hours of vacation time. I'll be home for the entire Christmas break. I am already concerned for our sanity. I keep thinking we'll be fine, we'll be fine, we'll be fine. But I'm not so sure. I don't want to be holed up in the house in PJ's the entire time.

I have spent some time today brainstorming of things to do, and now I'm kind of excited. We're going to go to the library for Christmas craft time. We will be visiting family. Each girl can have a sleep over and play date (NOT at the same time). Our fitness center has free swim daily, and we will do that a few times.

Perhaps I can bribe them into letting me take a nap at least once during the break!

Sleep is the Cousin of Death

So I didn't sleep at all last night. I hate it when I know I have to be somewhere early and people are counting on me. It was like I didn't sleep at all. I must have, I had some really weird dreams.

I dreamed that I wasn't married to Daddylish, but we were still together and in a relationship. He was also in a relationship with another woman and they had a baby together. The baby wasn't a newborn, but was young enough that he was still being nursed by this baby momma.

What the most disturbing part of the dream was that he drank her breast milk and said that it was delicious.

I decided to consult the Internet, as every one knows it is the prime source for factual information. Especially when diagnosis physical or mental illness as I am prone to do. I have frequent recurring themes to my dreams, but this is a new one.

I wish I knew better than to harness the power of interwebz. Don't Google your dreams people, it's weird and upsetting!

August 2010

Some blogs are dedicated to cooking. Some are about family, music, housekeeping, and other topics of the Functional World. I haven't decided what this is about anymore. I know I used to be funny and now I'm not.

My TMJ has basically subsided. Every so often I have a flare up of jaw pain and once in awhile I get a really bad headache. What bothers me most physically is fibromyalgia, which is a junky diagnosis that most doctors hesitate to give because it's not really real. There isn't anything a blood test or MRI that detects the center of my pain or the reason for it. It's just there.

I've been toying with the idea that maybe my blog is about living my life with pain that is there every day and how I manage to get through it. Or maybe it's a chance to say what is on my mind on the rare occasion there is something there. Whatever it turns out to be, I'm going to try to keep writing.

The Dysfunctional Mom

During a recent trip to Walt Disney World with my family, I observed several different types of mom-styles.

There is a Functional Mom. She's really focused on her offspring. She wastes ZERO time in lala land (trying to tune the noise of her children by zoning out). The Functional Mom capitalizes on every opportunity as a moment to teach her children something. She probably has a Busy Bag in her Land's End monogrammed canvas tote. Or flash cards of multiplication tables that she's using to teach her 4 year old.

The Functional Mom has healthy snacks always. Gummy bears and a Diet Dr. Pepper would not ever suffice (that's the snack menu of the Mother of Dysfunction).

The Functional Mom is probably giving me the stink eye for my disorderly purse. I'm the Dysfunctional Mom. I'm using the time in the wait queue for The Haunted Mansion by feeding my kids a Coke and some Shock Tarts.

Functional Mom's clothing is always weather appropriate and pressed. Mine- no. I might have slept in my yoga pants (which have never even been to a yoga class).

This Dysfunctional Mom gets really happy when my kids are quiet and not asking me to play patty-cake with them. I'm glad when they play on my iPhone for 10 minutes.

Don't misunderstand, I love hugs from my kids. But I really hate being climbed on. It hurts. I didn't "wear" my babies when they were infants and I'm sure as hell not going to carry them around when their legs are long enough to touch the ground when I hold them.

Don't worry if you are totally Functional, Semi-Functional, or a Dysfunctional Disaster. Just be true to who you are and don't fake it!

PS- this is my first post since March. Forgive my disjointed post, I need lots more practice!

Fresh Post

I'm not really sure how 'back' I am. I don't seem to have the good thoughts flowing in my head. Thoughts are in my head, for sure. They are also flowing. But the creativity seems to be blocked by pain in my jaw, work, parenting, keeping up with reality TV, Facebook, and Twitter.

Stress overwhelms me. I don't have many nights that I don't wake up in a panic attack. I've been talking (screaming) in my sleep. There are lots of reasons why. It's not that much fun to talk about. NOT talking about it helps me not focus on it, but I guess it still bubbles up and shoves through in my sleep. There are no peaceful nights inside of my head.

I'm thankful for a lot of things, too. Like the fact that my little momma's play together so nice. They love each other so much and it is fabulous. I'm thankful that they are able to wash their own hair. I'm thankful that I don't have to change a diaper or haul a big bag of baby supplies around. I love babies, but I'm thankful I don't have to have any more!

Still waiting for my brain to think happy thoughts...

Starting Over

We're starting over here, people!

I can feel my brain start thinking again. It's a good thing. I think I go dormant in the winter. Like a frog or a turtle or something that burrows into the ground when it is cold outside. My spirit starts to wake back up when there are blooms on the Bradford Pear Trees.

It's a good sign!

Disclaimer: Christmas Is Not My Favorite

Get this. The girl who doesn't like Christmas has had an awesome December! I don't remember when the last time was that I enjoyed planning for this big event. It has come with a little bit of self induced stress, but I didn't mind it.

Today is big cleaning day. I've shopped (and that wasn't much fun), organized, and planned. Now that all of that is done, it's time to clean and get on with the fun.

We have cookies to bake and memories to make!